'A Pill To Swallow' Oddynuff

8*

September 30,2022

It was the last show for the 2022 Greyday tour, the boys were about to go out on stage.

Sage didn't come to this show with us, she was at the hotel. Pouya decided to come out with the boys for the last show of the tour. I figured it'd be cool.

"Ma, you alright?" Ruby asked me and I nodded. My stomach was hurting a little but it was ok. "yeah I'm ok" I said looking up at him and he nodded, he kissed my lips before going out on the stage.

Max was backstage with me, we had got kind of close. But not really, "can we go take some pictures?" I asked him and his eyes lit up "Yeah we can!" He said and we got up going to a quiet place.

Max took a few of my pictures, he showed me the pictures and we both started giggling at how stupid I looked.

I smiled, we walked around for awhile just talking. We were talking about the baby, and if Ruby was gonna retire because of it.

"I don't think he's gonna retire, I hope he doesn't. They've gotten big the last year or so, so I hope he keeps going" I told Max and he nodded "That makes sense" Max said and I nodded. I could still feel a pain in my stomach, but it was Normal?.

Me and Max took a seat sitting down, Pouya wasn't performing yet. He was backstage as well "Hey angel" he said to me and I smiled, I was a friendly person as of recently. I just felt happy to be around my people, "Hey Kev" I said and he sat down next to me. "what's up max" he said dabbing up Max, Max nodded as a way of greeting him.

I laid my arms down, laying my head on them falling asleep. The boys set that night was almost 2 hours, it was their last show. But they were touring next year. So I didn't know why their set was extra long, I woke up later to Aristos tapping me softly "Ma,.. ma.. come on let's go" he said and I groaned, "I'm tired.." I mumbled and he smiled "I can tell baby, let's go" he said and I nodded getting up on my feet.

Me and Aristos walked out to the tour bus, I immediately went to laying down in the back. I cuddled up to the pillow, I laid awake just thinking for awhile before falling asleep.

I woke up later that night at almost 2:00 am to Aristos climbing into bed with me, I moved over to let him lay down next to me. I moved my body closer to him, laying my head on his chest. He slid his hand up my shirt his hand stopping on my stomach, "Are you nervous like I'm nervous?" He asked me and I nodded " I'm not as nervous as I was at first, but yes I'm still scared about being a good parent Ari.." I told him, "Boy or girl?" He asked and I shrugged, I hadn't asked for the gender of the baby yet even thought I'd gotten check ups.

"I hope it's a boy" Aristos told me and I smiled, "A mini you?" I asked and he nodded "I want him to look just like you" I told him and he smiled "If it's a boy can we name him after my pops?" He asked and I mugged him "Um, are you sure??" I asked him and he chuckled "You don't like it?" He asked and I shook my head no, "Then what you think..?" He asked and I shrugged, "I wanna name him Jahseh"I told him, "After X?" He asked and I nodded ",We were close, kind of.." I told him "yeah, we can" he told me and I smiled.

"how do you think Scott feels about all this?" He asked and I shrugged "Probably the same as us.." I told him "Sage isn't that worried,.. since y'know.. shes not as pregnant" i told him, "Im scared Angel" Aristos admitted "So am I"i told him and he sighed, almost relieved.

Me and Ari sat up talking for hours before we both fell asleep, it was calm. I felt calm for the first time in months.

I slept that whole day basically back to Austin Texas, it was a pit stop for the boys before an 8 hour drive to New Orleans.

When I did wake up, it was basically noon. I was tired, so fucking tired and sleepy. Aristos wasn't in there, he was probably talking to the boys or whatever.

I woke up that evening feeling like I needed to get high, the pain in my stomach has left after awhile.

I got up out of bed walking out the corridor, Aristos was sitting down with Scott and Sage.

"Ari..?" I mumbled and he looked up at me "Good morning Ma, what's wrong?" He asked, I looked at Sage and she was looking up at me with worry in her face.

I looked at Aristos, And he didn't say anything but got up and followed me into the room.

"Ma, what's wrong?" He asked "I need to get high, and it's eating away at me Aristos" i told him and he shook his head"Baby-" Aristos went to say something and i cut him off "I need it, i need it Ari its just fucking itching at me"i told him, my hand pressed against the vein my arm.

"And I just, It's bad Ari" I told him looking down at the floor not being able to look the man I love in the face.

"Angel look at me ma, Listen. I know how you feel I know how much you need it but you don't. They do not fill that void" Aristos told me, I couldn't look at him.

I felt Ari hug me. I held onto him tight, I couldn't hurt him or myself because if I hurt myself I'd hurt our baby... But everything was eating away at me.

Everything.

I sat down, after breaking away from the embrace Aristos held me in. "I'm scared Aristos." I told him "I know Baby I know" he said and I shook my head "No you don't, I'm scared to have this baby. I'm scared to be around you, I can't trust myself around you I'm scared I'm gonna break. I'm scared to touch you" I told him "What you mean? I ain't gon break Angel, I'm not that fragile" He told me and I shook my head "But you are, you are. I see how hard are this is for you, I see how hard your struggling. I see how bad you wanna give in." I told him

Ari mugged me but didn't say anything, "Why can't you trust yourself around me?" Aristos asked "Because" I mumbled "Why?" Aristos said "Because he wants me to kill you Ari, he wants me to fucking kill you. And I can't do it I fucking can't and that's why I want to be gone so bad, it's why I keep fucking running and I can't keep running but if I don't. He's gonna kill me Ari." I told him

It was silent for a few minutes, they felt like hours, days.

"Who?"Ari said, he sounded out of breath and tense "My manager, Ari.. Ari this is a my fault. It was all supposed to be front but I've always been in love with you for my whole life almost Aristos, I wanna have your baby I wanna be with you. I fucking love you, that's why.. that's why I did that all those months ago I can't be without you anymore" I told him

"Angel, what fucking makes you think I can be without you?! I fucking love you, you mean everything to me! You mean the fucking world to me why would you keep something like that from me?!" Aristos said loudly, not shouting. But loud.

"Because I don't fucking value myself, I fucking don't. If I think you'll be fine without me then I'd do anything to fucking protect you" I told him softly feeling tears swell in my eyes.

"No one should be able to have that much control over you, no one.. I love you angel.." Aristos told me

"He's always had fucking control over me Ari I mean I'm his.." i told him softly trailing off

Me and Ari paused looking at eachother, "Your dad..?" Ari asked and I nodded

"Angel baby.. Why? Why do you let him control you like this?.. i mean i understand to have something control your life but.."Ari said softly .

"He fucking raped me Ari.."