'A Pill To Swallow' Oddynuff

4*

November 30 2021.

It was two weeks after the boys tour had ended, I was at Aristos's house with him. We were just hanging out. It was nice just being me and him. I liked it.

"Baby..?" I said softly and he looked at me "What's wrong princess" he said and I felt my stomach get all fluttery. I loved that nickname. "nothing, nevermind" I said. We were sitting in his studio. I was working on my music, I liked his studio. I looked down at my laptop and his setup. There was a hello kitty sticker from me on his main laptop and I smiled but soon, sighed.

I looked down at the shorts I was wearing, my thighs were all the way out and I hated that, I hated my thighs. They were covered with tattoos now. But they were covered with much more at some point. And the urges to destroy the artwork was strong lately.

Ever since I stopped touring with the boys, I started being on the Internet and with Aristos more. And I saw all the comments about how I wasn't pretty enough to be with him, or how I didn't deserve someone as talented as him.

I heard Ari walk over to me and pull my face up to look at him, "Now, ma don't be sitting over here letting these thoughts get to you. I can see that your overthinking and letting words get to you." Aristos told me and I felt tears fall into my lap

"Why you crying ma, your perfect."Aristos told me and I shook my head "No, no baby you are." Ari reassured me. "But... Everybody is saying I'm not. I don't deserve you Ari. I don't" I told him "Fuck what the people say. Fuck them, your fucking gorgeous ma." Ari told me while he rubbed my cheek with his hand.

I nodded, and I stood up. Ari's hands cuffed the back of my thighs picking me up and carrying me to his bedroom. Holding me to his chest. "Tell me, show me." Aristos told me "

What..?" I mumbled looking up at him. "show me how you're not perfect." He said "My thighs.. they have scars under all the Ink.." I told him "I have scars too baby." He said "That doesn't make you less perfect, everyone does. Purposely or playfully." He said and I felt more tears roll down my face "What else?" He said

"I'm not talented, Like you or Scott." I told him "If you weren't talented would you be where you are today? The reasons some parents still got their baby? No. You wouldn't. You letting their voices get to you." Ari told me, and I was stumped. he was right, but it didn't help how I felt. "Exactly, don't say you're not perfect. Everyone has flaws"Aristos said.

"But.. I have to be perfect, I'm a female artist. I'm gonna get clowned and put down for doing anything wrong.." I said looking at Aristos "

Angel Riley Evergreen, I have loved you since I first met you. Your the Prettiest girl on this fucking planet, I love you." Aristos told me and I smiled "I love you to.." I told him"Get some rest love" he told me and I nodded, falling asleep. Aristos stayed up for a couple more hours before falling asleep aswell.

When I woke up early that next morning, I looked up at Ruby how the fuck am I gonna do this.

I thought to myself, I loved Ari, I loved his voice, I loved how much he changed his hair, I loved all his tattoos, I loved him smile. But did I value his life more then mine..?
Sadly.........yes I did. If I had to die for him. To keep him safe. I would.

I got up out of his bed, careful not to wake him grabbing my keys, driving to one my house. I had two. One In new Orleans and one in Florida.

I got to my house, putting my car in my driveway, walking upstairs to my bedroom. I stared at the Label of Oxycodone on the bottle. I sighed thinking to myself. I can't just leave him, but I can't kill him. I love him.

I opened the cap on the pills, I walked downstairs grabbing a bottle of water. I took most of the pills one after another. Handful after a handful, Drinking the water in the bottle. I could feel the Pills weigh my body down as I sat on the couch texting Scott. I couldn't tell Ruby directly, it'd break me more.

Scott, I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore.  I can't hurt you or Ari again. And I'm doing that by hurting you more but it'll be okay in a few years when you blow up and get the fame and attention from the big screens you deserve. I love you guys, Scott you will always be a brother to me. Tell Ari I love him and I'm sorry.

3:47 am sent

4:25 read.

4:30 typing...

4:31 typing..

4:43 sent.

Angel, I don't know what you about to do or what you think is gonna make your problems go away but do not fucking do this shit. I can't lose anymore blood. I can't lose you we just got you back. you've been our family for fucking years, I know you feel low but I got you. I promise. 4:43.

Angel, text me back. 4:45

One missed call from Scott 💕 4:46

Two missed call from Scott 💕 4:59

17+ missed call from Scott 💕 5:30

I was out of it, clean out. I didn't budge when I heard the knocks at my door, or my phone going off numerous times from Scott And Ari calling me. I felt the Narcan shoot up my nose though, I also felt when Scott rolled me on my side so I didn't choke on my own fucking vomit. And trust me, there was a lot.

It took me about Ten minutes to recollect myself, Ari had sat down across from me, Scott in the other arm Chair that was Centered across from each other but facing the couch. I had my knees up to my chest, "Angel." Scott said "Please,... Scott don't. I don't need a lecture.. I'm sorry"I said with tears rolling down my face "Angel, what happened baby.." Ari said softly, the pain in his voice making the tears fall even harder

"I wanted to be gone, I wanted to be forgotten I didn't wanna be here anymore..."