Ruminate {Oikawa x f!reader}

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Ema's fingers are warmer than Oikawa's presence. That's all you know as you sit beside her on the slightly empty train. You don't know how long you've been out or how she knew to save you at that time, but you do know that this moment is forever saved for your mind only. "Do you want to?" You hum in question, she elaborates, "Tutor Oikawa too?" She looks at you before you do her, eyes holding the sun's bright rays as she waits for your answer. You have never thought about this, so your answer is blunt, something you hope she'll forgive you for. "No." 'No?" "No, I never want to tutor him." She raises her brows, furrowing them as she replies with confusion, "Never's a strong word. Besides, you said you would for Iwa."

You pause, her words sticking to your eardrums like honey on a stick. She waits for an answer while you wait for one unknowingly. She called him Iwa, you call him Iwaizumi, and Oikawa calls him Iwa-chan. If you didn't know better, you'd think she was doing this on purpose that she was angry at you for growing, distancing yourself from this relationship. You'd think she wanted you to have no one besides her. "Iwaizumi's different." "Because he's nice-" "Kind; nice has bad connotations." She sighs, resting back into the metro seat. "Iwaizumi can be both, if that settles your mind." He's not, you want to persist, he's just kind, kind and considerate and never nice because being nice is inherently stupid. "But you're being a hypocrite for not helping Oikawa-" "He never asked."

Tension is building, and you don't think it's the good kind. She goes back to your eyes, brows furrowed with building pique. "Iwaizumi needs help with math, and I'm good at it. Oikawa's good at everything, if anyone needs help, it's probably me." Her eyes flicker between yours, and you feel the sun from her eyes glaring down at you, burning your skin for your memory of her emotions. "Y/n, stop putting yourself down. He needs help too. He's taking Spanish, your sisters in Argentina, you picked it up for her, you can gift it to him-" "What if I don't want to?"

She's shocked by your response; you are too. You don't know why, but with the building tension, you want to be the last drop that overflows. You want drench the pot in your emotions, be the one to evoke something resounding from someone. You've never been that for anyone, not your father or sister, and you doubt your mother. The only person you've forced to overflow was yourself, crying from thoughts all over your math papers. Ironic, but not useful. Ema's warm fingers catch your attention. They're warmer from your fight, the emotions you're forcing from her. "You're nice, Y/n, don't be." Then don't be like this, you want to confess, but you don't, you don't because you lean forward, and touch your lips to hers.

You don't know if it was the bus stopping or if your emotions overflowed on you again, but you do know she tastes of strawberries, of the one bite of vanilla she had from you, of all the unreciprocated emotions and pain she caused you unknowingly. She tastes of the life you could have if you would kiss her, end it here and finally accept that regardless of what you went through, you still get something good from this life, deserve something worthwhile. "Y/n?" Her skin is just as warm on her face as it is from her hands, lips burning you the right way before you part, eyes adjusting to the light cascading around you. "I'm sorry." You're not on the metro, nor are you anywhere near the Saturday you just had. "For calling you nice." Nonetheless, Ema's eyes are still filled with the burning sun, and you're still here at school with blisters. "That was rude of me, and you had every right to react like that."

Your eyes go to the vanilla-flavored drink she holds, presenting it sideways across both her palms. You wish to be the drink. "I can't remember most of it, so you're okay." But you do remember, you remember her hands leaving yours the moment you both sit, her words escalating in degree as you sit and take it, and you remember her calling you nice the moment the metro stopped. You remember your eyes filling with tears and your feet running faster than hers illogically. She's the volleyball captain, yet she couldn't run after you. "Still, you need to accept my drink to make it official." You let a smile lick at the corners of your lips, painfully joyous to her as you reach for the drink.

You're both back to friends by the time she asks, "How was studying with Iwaizumi?" You nod your head. "Good, thanks for asking. He's going to take me out to the ramen place because it'll be a full month and he'll have progressed so far." You roll our eyes, sipping form the drink as you wait for her comments. Her breathing is music to your ears. "Maybe Oikawa and I can join; Iwa's been sharing notes with him, and his scores have improved." You look to her then, some confirmation for the information she's relayed to you. She's yet to drop that nickname for Iwaizumi; you've yet to pick on up. And during the entire month it took her to apologize, your new friend's been sharing the notes you solely wanted him to have, with the one guy you never want to have known. Being at his wedding is unimaginable now.

You have been able to avoid him, regardless of your friendship with Iwaizumi, Ema was the sole tie you had to him and with the disagreement weighing your shoulders down for weeks, meeting him was never an occurrence. You realize this is the first detrimental fight you've had with your crush before you reply, "It'd be up to Iwaizumi-" "He said it'd be up to you, actually, so I guess... It's okay, right?" Her eyes hold all heaven on Earth as they glare at you, the warmth overwhelming as you choose to finish you drink instead of looking into her eyes. "Sure, you both can join-" "Great! I'll see you at the restaurant!" You think that's the weirdest interaction you've had with her but brush it off in favor of discarding the drink she just gave you in and texting Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi 🏋️

That's why your crush doesn't like you back

Me

This is why your crush gets more bitches

New Conversation

Me

Ema and Oikawa are coming to celebrate?!?!?!??????

Iwaizumi 🏋️

Cool

Me

                                                                                                                                                                                                 🙂

Thank you for your input

Iwaizumi 🏋️

I'm in the locker room, excuse you

And I thought you'd be able to handle it

Ms. Independant or sm sht

Me

It's called mommy issues and I rely on you to think for me sometimes

this being one of those times

Iwaizumi 🏋️

Then you want me to tell them no after you told them yes?

Me

Does he already know?

Iwaizumi 🏋️

Obviously

Me

Just don't leave me at the table with him

Iwaizumi 🏋️

Okay, Ms. Mommy Issues

Me

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