My Lost Soul

-chapter-6

Yashraj POV

"After I finished making milk for Aakarsh, I sighed because it was all too much for me. I can handle him alone. I can raise him alone. I don't want to marry a girl just because of my son. It will not only ruin her life, but she is going to suffocate in this loveless marriage. I can never expect her to be my wife or his mother.

When my own mother behaved like this towards me, she ruined my childhood, made me emotionless. Then how can I expect an outside girl to treat my son like her own mother? This marriage is only going to pain her. I don't want her to go through the life and pain that I am going through. She is also someone's daughter, right?

Thinking all this, I went towards my room and saw him lying peacefully. His face was adorned with a smile which made my lips curve. This little soul doesn't know what he means to me. He is the light in my darkness.

I switched off the lights but left on the little light in his crib because he is little, what if he is scared of the darkness? I gave him a kiss on his forehead and lay on my bed for sleep, but it was nowhere to be found.

I stared continuously at the ceiling with blank eyes, and I don't know when I fell asleep staring at the ceiling.

I stirred in my sleep as those nightmares came. My hands started trembling, and my eyes forcefully shut.

"Mom, please, mom," I pleaded, crying.

"It's burning, mom, please," I cried, holding my legs.

"You are nothing to me."

"You don't deserve to be loved."

"Mom, I promise I will never take..."

"I will be a good boy, papa."

"You should die, Yash."

Those words, those pains, those abuses rang in my ears. I grabbed the pillow and placed it on my ears to stop those nightmares, but it didn't work.

I screamed, "MOMMMMM!"

I woke up jerked, sweating profusely, my hands trembling. Then I heard Aakarsh crying. He woke up just because of my scream. I scared him. My son is scared of his father. He is scared of his father like everyone.

I immediately held him and rocked him back and forth. "Shh, beta, papa hai na," I consoled him, but he started crying even more badly. These tears falling from his eyes are stabbing my heart. My baby.

"Chup ho jao na, mere raja beta ho na," I said to him while rubbing his back. He looked at me with his innocent eyes, his eyes dilated and lips wobbly, which indicated he was going to cry again.

"Please beta, chup ho jao. I know I am a bad father. You can punish me, but please chup ho jao," I said, rubbing his back, and he immediately stopped crying. I thought he stopped crying listening to me, but he is looking at the balcony, and then I thought he stopped crying seeing outside.

I noticed his face. His face still had dry tears. He looked so cute. His doe eyes, button nose, and cheeks. He is so handsome.

"Of course, he is because he is your son," my subconscious mocked me.

His lips were again wobbling, which means he is going to cry. I hurriedly took him to the balcony and noticed his face calmed. He was looking at the sky very carefully, eyes narrowed and lips in a pout like he was solving a very hard question.

I glanced at the clock. It showed 4 pm, which means it's almost morning. I was looking at the beauty of nature. It's so calm and soothing. It's really true, nature heals human beings, but what we humans do destroys them. I know I am not some good man, but it is what it is.