Bridgebuilder

Sandcastle

Alex had locked up for a moment as he processed that, looking at her sitting there on the couch, hands folded in her lap. So hopeful and expectant, and terribly vulnerable all at once. Things he had never seen in her before, and did not know how to reconcile with the Carbon he'd worked with for the last eight months - aloof, a little abrasive, but resolute. Even as they had bonded and by his estimation, become friends, she had retained that rigidity he expected from a Tsla'o. Until now.

He laughed uneasily. "Thats... It's- I'll be fine."

Without another word he exited the mess and pushed himself down the corridor. She was probably just tired. It had been a long day, she'd have a dig at his reaction in the morning, once they had gotten some rest. He hadn't forgotten what she'd said, though, and stopped to grab a medical scanner from the sickbay.

Everything was normal, physically. He told himself that a few times as he set the scanner aside and slipped into his bed, sleeping until the lights in the corridor shifted to their bright daylight mode. It had felt instantaneous, as though they had come on just a second after he'd closed his eyes, but a quick glance at the clock embedded in the wall indicated he'd been out for nearly seven hours.

He grabbed his clothes and returned to the head, knocked on the door to fulfill the superstition they'd drilled into him at the academy, and let himself into the empty room. Took care of the usual morning business and was back at the mess in ten minutes.

That was empty too, which did strike him as a little strange. The couch had been put up, and the table was back into the usable position. He glanced over at the recycler and noted the working light was blinking. Everything from dinner had been processed before they had finished Empire last night, so Carbon must have eaten already. Alex skipped breakfast for now, opting to locate her instead - it was a small ship and there weren't a lot of potential places for her to be so he'd start at the most logical place: engineering.

And there she was, crammed partway into the top of the good engine, already diligently working. "Morning, what's on the task list for today?" Alex asked pleasantly as he pushed off for the ceiling.

"I need conduits from the plasma locks you worked on yesterday. Get all of them, I'm not sure how many will need to be replaced." Her reply came, quiet and lifeless.

"Uh." That wasn't the usual Carbon by a kilometer. "Are you all right?"

"Yes." Her voice was devoid of any tone, and she didn't look up from whatever she was doing in there. "The pry bar should be where you left it last evening."

He went to work. More of those awful c-clips, but he had a knack for it now. They worked in silence, a stack of high-pressure plasma conduit piling up in the bottom of the parts engine as the day went on, separated into ones that looked intact and units that were obviously damaged. She hadn't asked, but it only took him a second to sort each part. Alex caught a glimpse of her when she came for a stack of them, it looked like she'd started to deteriorate overnight.

That worn-down look he hadn't seen in a month had returned and even in that seconds long glance, he saw hurt. Alex tried talking to her as they worked through the afternoon, but that didn't seem to do anything. Very distant, sometimes thin and frail. That worried him. He may have only known her for a few months, but the idea that she'd ever sound like that was entirely foreign.

By the end of the workday, he'd managed to get one sad sidelong glance out of her. They still ended up taking dinner together, sitting on their usual sides of the small table. The usual amicable conversation that had come to be part of the meal was nowhere to be found, replaced with the low hum of the life support systems and soft click of synthetic cutlery. Alex pushed a piece of chicken around his tray for a few minutes before he managed to screw up the courage to do something.

"I'm sorry."

She stared down at her tray, not even the slightest hint of movement from her normally expressive ears or antenna. "There is nothing for you to be sorry for." There was no animosity, anger, or sadness. Not even a sigh. There was nothing in Carbon's voice, just slow, carefully enunciated words without a hint of accent.

"Yes, there is. I should have reacted... better. I should have asked you what was going on. I should have known something." Alex found himself barely managing to keep his frustration in check.

Her shoulders rose almost imperceptibly. "Even if that is so, there is nothing for you to be sorry for."

"Why?"

She looked up and bright blue eyes stared through him, idly stirring her food for a long moment before she spoke "I deluded myself. Engaged in fantasy. I made myself believe you liked me when you did not."

"I do like you."

Carbon made a dismissive sound.

If Alex was being honest with himself, that kind of pissed him off. "Is that what you really think?"

She went back to looking at her food, picking it apart into separate piles of ingredients. "Yes."

"If I didn't like you, why would I have tried to understand you better?"

"You were recuperating, you had to fill your time with something."

Alex leaned back on his bench and straightened up, a finger leveled at her. "Oh, that is bullshit and you know it."

Carbon's head snapped up, eyes wide with shock. He wasn't sure if she was familiar with swearing in English, but at least she got his tone. Her gaze darted away from his and her reply was obstinate but weak. "It is not."

"Yeah. If I didn't care we wouldn't be having this conversation. We wouldn't be eating together." Alex was starting to fail at keeping himself calm.

"Sharing a meal is an intimate act..." She sighed, at least sounding resigned. "I am sorry, Alex. I rationally knew you could not have known our ways, but I still convinced myself that they applied to your behavior."

"Ok, that's a first step. Apology accepted, even though I'm the one who apologized first." His curiosity quickly got the better of him, "what did I do?"

She blanched and closed her eyes, "you bared your legs in my presence."

This vapor locked Alex's brain. "I'm sorry, what." He couldn't even manage to turn it into a question.

"A few days ago, you wore the short pants?" Her eyebrows went up as she tried to jog his memory.

"Wh- Yeah, I remember, I just- That's what caused all this?" His voice went up a register as he spoke, unable to believe that was it. "You're not making this up, right?"

"As I said, I knew you could not have known what that means to a Tsla'o." She looked away and continued softly, "what that meant to me."

"When I wore shorts? Yeah, you're right. I couldn't have known. That doesn't even make sense to me. But you could have told me what that meant, I would have been happy to listen."

"No." She took in a rough breath before she continued, "I was not willing to admit that you did not know."

"Alright, fine. Explain it to me."

"What good would it do?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, tamping down his frustration. "I am a little surprised to say that I have come to like you, Carbon. I enjoy working with you and spending time with you. But there is clearly a lot I don't know about you, your people, and your ways. If you just want to have your fantasy, fine, you can have it. But if you want anything more, I'm going to need some help."

She was confused for a moment, but that quickly gave way to surprise. "What exactly do you mean?"

"Show me what I need to know," he tapped his temple and smiled. "At the very least, I won't mislead you again."

"That is- I do not know if it is safe." Worry crossed her face, but she still looked like she wanted to jump at the chance to mind link with him again.

"Why not?"

"I have a lot of baggage, as you put it. I do not know what the effects on you would be."

"Will it kill me?"

"No, but I do not know how-"

"Good." He leaned over his mostly un-eaten dinner, a confident smirk curling the corner of his mouth. "Let's do this."