mona lisa , chris sturniolo

45 | come home

♫ if i could fly / one direction ♫
☆
if i could fly
i'd be coming right back home to you
i think i might
give up everything, just ask me to
for your eyes only, i show you my heart
i'm missing half of me when we're apart

🍊 🍊 🍊

| real life |

real life

When I wake, sunlight is flooding through the singular window in my hospital room. The window is slightly cracked open, letting in a warm breeze that kisses my skin in a good morning greeting.

Jimmy is snoring in his chair next to me, his long limbs sprawled in a million directions and his head slumped to the side at an angle that I am sure is going to leave him with nasty neck pain when he wakes up.

On the other side of me, Marylou is awake and humming quietly to herself as she crochets thick green yarn into what appears to be a giant square. When she notices that I am awake, she immediately drops her crocheting needles in her lap and reaches forward to brush a hand across my forehead.

"Good morning, darlin'," she murmurs with a warm smile. "How are you feeling?"

I swallow harshly, my throat parched. "Can I please have some water?"

Marylou seems to have expected this question, for a bottle of water is sitting on the small table beside my bed. She adjusts the bed settings so I am sitting upright before passing me the bottle. "The doctor was just in here ten minutes again and said your vitals look good. How do you feel?"

I take a long sip of water and assess the sharp pounding in my head and my sore muscles. "I'm okay. Killer headache, but other than that I feel alright. How's Ethan?"

"He's doing just fine. The swelling in his brain has gone down significantly, which is what the doctors were hoping would happen. They are going to leave him in the coma for at least another twenty four hours, but they expect he will make a full recovery. Your mom hasn't left his side."

"Thank God," I breathe as I pass the water bottle back to Marylou and lean my head back against my pillow. "Damn, is this a learning moment or what?"

"Care to elaborate?" Marylou settles back in her seat, crossing one leg over the other as her gaze focuses on me.

"I've spent the last four years desperately hoping that something like this wouldn't happen." I shift slightly onto my side to face Marylou, mindful of the IV that is still attached to my arm. "But my talk with you the other day, confronting my mom, and spreading dad's ashes with Ethan brought more healing than I've had since dad died. Yet as soon as I let go of my paralyzing fear of losing someone I love, this happens, and I almost lose Ethan."

Marylou stays quiet, her eyes soft as she watches me look down at my hands as I ponder my next words.

"Obviously I was freaking out last night because we were in a fucking car accident, but I'm not freaking out now." My voice is quiet as I run my thumb over a taped cut on my opposite hand. "If this had happened a week ago, I probably would have had a heart attack and dropped dead. But now, obviously I am scared for Ethan, but if he is going to be okay, why should I waste my energy panicking when instead I can focus on being thankful that he is alive?"

I hesitate for half a second and my voice lowers to a whisper as I continue to speak. "If he had died, I would have been heartbroken. It would have destroyed me. But I think more than anything, I would regret not spending more time with him over the last few years. I have him now, so why waste time worrying about things that I can't control? I want to focus on what is unseen, for it is eternal." My gaze returns to Marylou, and I am surprised to see tears pooling in her eyes. "Why are you crying?"