Grave Lies

As the girl said to the wolf

"What a big heart you have."

"It's just my anger," he replied.Then she said,"What a big anger you have.""It's to hide my heart," he confessed.

I was lying down.
I could feel my arms along my sides and my legs stretched out. My head felt heavy.
I tried to move, but I couldn't. Something was holding me down, pinning me to the mattress.
I attempted to lift my hands, but they felt stuck.
"No..." it escaped from my lips, as panic swelled in my breath. Stress pricked my heart, pushing it hurriedly against my ribs.
I tried to sit up, but something was preventing me.
"No..."
Everything started pulsating again, like an endless nightmare. My fingers clenched, scratched, dug, but I couldn't move.
"No, no, no!" I screamed. "No!"
The door swung open.
"Nica!"
Several voices filled the room, but I continued to thrash around without seeing anyone. Panic blinded me. I could only feel my body trapped.
"Doctor! She's awake!"
"Nica, calm down! Nica!"

  Then someone made their way through them, pushing them aside with force, and with a tug, they freed me.

I took a deep breath.
I quickly huddled against the headboard of the bed and, still shaken, grabbed the hand I found next to me, squeezing it tightly between my fingers. The person who had freed me tensed when I clung to them with all of myself. I pressed my forehead against that wrist, trembling and squeezing my eyes shut.
"I'll be good... I'll be good... I'll be good..."
Everyone looked at me, holding their breath.
The hand I was holding clenched into a fist, and I prayed that they wouldn't let go. It was only when I opened my eyelids, a few moments later, that I realized whose hand it belonged to.
Rigel looked up at me and clenched his jaw. He fixed his gaze on Dalma and 's eyes - and on a man I had never seen before - and with a firm tone, he hissed, "Leave."
There was a long moment of silence, but I didn't lift my eyes. After a while, I heard the sound of their footsteps as they slowly left.
Anna approached me.
"Nica..."
Her palm rested on my face. I felt its warmth against my cheek.
It was my bed, my room. I wasn't at the Grave anymore.
I realized that what had held me back before were just the blankets that someone had tucked in too tightly.
There were no belts or metal links.
"Nica," Anna whispered desperately, "it's all okay..."
The mattress sank under her weight, but I couldn't let go of 's wrist. I held it tightly until Anna's fingers gently slipped into mine, convincing me to release my grip.
She stroked my head gently, and I heard Rigel's footsteps receding. When I looked up to search for him, all I saw was the door of the room closing.
"There's a doctor outside," Anna looked at me, shaken. "We had him come as soon as you arrived home... I want him to examine you. You might have a slight fever and feel a bit dizzy... I changed your clothes, but you might still be cold..."

  "I'm sorry," I interrupted in a subdued whisper.

Anna stopped talking. She looked at me with slightly parted lips, and I couldn't sustain her gaze.
I felt empty, broken, and flawed. I felt shattered.
"I wished to be perfect," I confessed. "For you. For Norman."
I wished to be like the others, that was the truth. I wished to have a normal past.
I had remained naive and fragile. I repeated "I'll be good" because I constantly feared making mistakes and being punished.
The sensation of the belts on my skin had marked me to the point of creating what is known as "association panic." Sometimes, even a hug that was too tight, the inability to move, or the simple feeling of helplessness were enough to plunge me into my terror.
I was ruined, and I would be forever.
"You are perfect, Nica."
Anna gently stroked me, shaking her head. Her eyes conveyed a painful anguish.
"You are... the sweetest and kindest person I have ever had the fortune to meet..."
I looked at her with a heavy, empty heart.
But in Anna's gaze...
In Anna's gaze, there was no blame or guilt. There was only me. And in that moment, I realized for the first time that... Anna had eyes the color of the sky.
With its clear expanse and white clouds, with the freedom I had sought on ever-changing faces, I saw myself for the first time in her gaze.
There it was, the sky I had always searched for. It was within Anna's eyes.
"Do you know what struck me the first time I saw you?"
Tears welled up in my eyes. She smiled a slightly broken smile.
"The delicateness."
And my heart shattered with a bittersweet, immense, and overwhelming pain.