Grave Lies

Rose And Thorns

"Do you know what makes roses so beautiful?

The thorns.There is nothing more splendidthan something you cannot grasp in your hands."
E.R.D

 "A fainting spell from the heat and excitement.

The feeling of fainting.
I had explained what had happened at the mall,
concealing my reactions as best as I could. I had
tried to hold back the alarm sent by my body,
restraining myself with all the strength I had, and after
reassuring Anna many times, she finally believed me.
I had discovered that I didn't like lying to her, but I couldn't
do otherwise. The idea of telling her the truth made me feel
nauseous and took my breath away. I couldn't just do it.
I couldn't tell her what had caused those sensations,
because they came from depths that even I didn't want
to delve into.
"Nica?" I heard on Monday morning.
Anna was at the doorway. Her eyes were always clear like
pieces of the sky. A part of me wished that she would never see me
again as she had seen me that afternoon.
"What are you looking for?" she asked, seeing me rummaging through the desk.
I knew she believed what I had told her, but it didn't stop her from worrying about me.
"Oh, nothing, just... a photo," I murmured, still a little embarrassed with her. "The other day my friend gave me one and... I can't find it..."

 I couldn't believe it. Billie had just given it to me as a gift and I had already lost it?

"Did you check the kitchen table?"
I nodded, tucking my hair behind my ear.
"You'll see, you'll manage to find it," she said, approaching me. "I'm sure it didn't get lost."
She tilted her face and fixed a strand of hair on my collarbone, adjusting it with her fingers. As she looked into my eyes, a hint of affection shimmered in my chest.
"I have something for you."
Under my nose, I found a small box.
I snapped out of it and observed the cardboard lid, not knowing what to say. When I opened it, I couldn't believe my eyes.
"I know it's a bit old-fashioned," Anna commented as I pulled it out of the packaging. "It's certainly not the latest model, but... well, this way I can always know where you and Rigel are. I gave one to him too."
A phone. Anna was giving me a phone. I found myself staring at it, unable to utter a word.
"The SIM card is already in there, and my number is saved in the contacts," she explained calmly. "I'm always reachable. I also added Norman's number."
I couldn't express what I was feeling at that moment, holding something so important in my hands.
I remembered all the times I had fantasized about exchanging numbers with a friend, or hearing it ring somewhere, knowing that someone was looking for me and wanted to talk to me...
"I... Anna, I don't know...," I stammered. I looked at her, enchanted and overflowing with gratitude. "Thank you..."
It felt surreal. I, who had never had anything of my own except for that little caterpillar-shaped figurine...
Why did Anna go through so much trouble for me? Why did she give me clothes, linens, and such lasting objects?
I knew not to get my hopes up, I knew that nothing was definitive yet... And yet, all I could do was hope.
Hope that she wanted to keep me with her.

   Hoping that we could stay together, that she was growing attached to me just as I was to her...

"I know that girls your age have the latest generation phones, but..."
"It's perfect," I whispered, clinging to the meaning of that gesture. "It's absolutely perfect, Anna. Thank you."
She smiled with a hint of tenderness, then placed a hand on my hair. My heart warmed.
"Oh, Nica... Why don't you wear the clothes we bought?" She looked at me a bit disappointed. "Don't you like them anymore?"
"No," I replied with a sense of urgency. "On the contrary... I really like them!"
Maybe a bit too much, actually.
When I had found myself combining them with my old clothes, I couldn't see them all together closed in the same drawer. So I had left them in the bags, organized and preserved like relics.
"I was just waiting for the right moment to wear them. I didn't want to ruin them at all," I murmured softly.
"But they're clothes," Anna pointed out. "They're meant to be worn. Don't you want to wear all those colorful socks we got together?"
I nodded eagerly, feeling a bit like a child.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" She gave me a caress before I lowered my face.
She gave me another piece of herself, and I couldn't help but feel happy for that conversation in which she, once again, gave me drops of the normalcy I had always dreamed of.
That morning, I arrived at school alone.
I was late to change, and it wasn't necessary to see the empty coat rack knob to understand that Rigel hadn't waited for me.
Better that way, I thought. After all, I had promised myself to stay away from him.
When Billie had told me about Garden Day the previous Friday, I had imagined a day filled with romance.

 I had always thought that Valentine's Day was an intimate and discreet celebration, one that didn't require grand gestures, because love resides in the most hidden gestures.