Chapter 4 - Same old tired, lonely place

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"You're being ridiculous!"

"Why do you care?! I'm not your girlfriend anymore!"

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I did the right thing. I know I did.

Jade repeated that phrase in her head like a mantra.

She broke up with Beck because he didn't want to respect her boundaries. That's reasonable, right? He insisted on talking to and entertaining people that made her feel uncomfortable and insecure. That's a perfectly good reason to break up with your boyfriend, right?

So why did she feel so hollow inside?

All she wanted was to show him that she was serious about this. Jade did not tolerate little mind games. All she wanted was for Beck to be honest with her.

So much for the "transparency" he claimed to have .

She sat alone in her bathroom, lights off, hugging her legs loosely. Jade couldn't see a thing, and that's how she liked it when she needed to think.

One year and eleven months. That's how long she and Beck have been together. He was her first boyfriend and she was his.

Before joining Hollywood Arts as a freshman, she was pretty much a loner, having only Cat to talk with all throughout elementary and middle school, but, truth be told, Jade never felt comfortable with being completely herself around the redhead's bubbly, childish disposition. It always felt like she would taint Cat's innocence with her somber attitude and aggressive choice of words. So all in all, she mostly kept to herself through her school life.

And then she met Beck. Through the classic, cliche and overused event of them having a project together. His laid-back attitude was a breath of fresh air from the constant try-hard nature of art kids. He was confident of his skills, a respectable actor who was completely serious about his art. She could make her usual morbid jokes and the most he would do was blink and raise an eyebrow, seemingly unaffected. He could take her quips and random outbursts like a champ, and she couldn't help but respect him for it.

No one was surprised when they would start dating mere weeks after that. It just seemed like a natural development.

They were always together, which led him to introduce her to his friends, André and Robbie. They formed a group, and the rest is history.

Without him now, though, she didn't feel like she belonged anymore. They were his friends, not hers. She almost never interacted with them without him being the bridge. As a result, she very soon found herself feeling the familiar feeling of loneliness. Something she really didn't want to feel again.

But despite how lonely she might feel right now, she knew she would get through this, boyfriend or not. She was better than this. She was confident. She was strong. She was freaking Jade West.

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The next day, though, shattered all the strength she built the night before.

"Is that Alyssa Vaughn?!"

And there it was. The very reason why she was feeling so miserable, driving the fanciest yellow sports convertible car she's ever seen, with, you guessed it, Beck, who grinned happily, content. She hasn't seen that expression in his face when he was with her for a long time now. Lately, all she saw was him sighing, tired, rolling his eyes at her or making her feel bad.

She didn't care. She didn't.

"Yeah, so?"

"Nothing! Pfft, she's gross."

She knew Tori was trying to make her feel better, even offering her a french fry, but she was too busy trying not to care about Beck at that moment.

"Gross? Look at her! Oh, that girl is smoking hot, I'm serious." André said, unnecessarily.

Even Tori glared at him.

"I should shut up."

"Look, he didn't mean to say th–" Tori tried to comfort her, but she was having none of it.

"I don't care." Jade interrupted her. "If Beck wants to date that, I hope he has tons of fun with it."

Tori wasn't looking at her though. "Uhh..."

"What?"

"You're hurting your burrito." She pointed out, looking worried.

I'm tired of this crap. Jade sighed, promptly letting go of the injured burrito, grabbed her things and stormed off. She had enough.

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She was tired of pretending she didn't care. She was tired of feeling like the sad, lonely girl she used to be.

Determined, she went to Beck's home that very same day after school. An RV, parked in his parents' driveway, which he claimed to be so he could live by his own rules.

She had only one goal in mind. She wanted Beck back.

And she told him so. Asked, almost begged, for them to get back together. He only stared at her, and she wasn't sure if he was contemplating it or just plainly judging her, like he often did as of late.

"No."

She frowned, confused.

"'No'? What do you mean, 'no'?!" She demanded, already feeling the familiar constriction in her throat.

"No means no, Jade." He answered, direct and simple. He took one last look at her before calmly closing his RV door, shutting her out.

Jade stared at the door, unable to hold back the many tears that started to fall down her face. She was pretty sure her makeup was completely ruined at this point.

She marched to her car, sobbing, but not quite defeated.

Jade West didn't let herself go down so easily.

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