After the rain | ChanSung

Chapter 15

Jisung bit his trembling lip and shook his head without understanding. "But I want you... I need you..." he murmured and a tear ran down his cheek.

Chan wiped it away and kissed the younger one gently. "I'm here. And I'm ready to give you everything you want. But I want more than just a one-night stand. We've just met and still have so much time... I want you... I want everything from you. I want to show you how life can be. I want to go out with you. Take you to exclusive dates and show you what it's like when someone is courting you. You deserve the world and I'm ready to put it at your feet!" Chan whispered and kissed him again.

Jisung had to swallow and the next tear ran down his face. He could hardly believe what Chan had just said. His life had been anything but a fairy tale and he had already had to go through so much that it was hard to believe that someone was really so wonderful and then also wanted him.

"Hey... actually that shouldn't make you cry...," Chan murmured.

"What did I do to deserve you?" Jisung whispered and let himself sink against Chan.

"Because everyone deserves some happiness and love. And as far as I know, you've definitely had too little of it so far. So I came to fulfill your every wish," Chan said with a grin and shook his head laughing at the next moment.

"Hmm?" Jisung raised his head and looked at him in amazement.

"God that sounded soo cheesy. Although I meant every word of it seriously, but somehow it was pretty corny," Chan said grinning and kissed Jisung again.

He just shrugged his shoulders again. He repeated Chan's words again and again in his head and it was still not easy for him to believe them.

"Can we maybe just go to sleep now...?" he finally asked, because he didn't know in the slightest how to deal with the situation.

He liked Chan. God so much. He was sure he had fallen in love with Chan, but somehow it all seemed too wonderful. Just like the apartment and Changbin. As if everything would collapse again the next moment.

He wanted to have sex with Chan to feel something, be it pain or satisfaction, but he somehow couldn't handle the situation and his thoughts right now well.

"Sure..." Chan murmured and let himself sink into bed.

Jisung was in his arms, but somehow he had the feeling that the younger one was completely somewhere else with his thoughts.

Chan chewed on his lower lip for a while and thought. He didn't want to push Jisung to anything. He wanted to help him. From the beginning. And yet he only seemed to have made everything worse. To hell with Changbin.

Sighing, he sat up again and looked at Jisung in the dim twilight. "You... You can also sleep in the other room... if you want..." he finally murmured, even if he wanted Jisung to stay with him.

Jisung also sat up and stared at Chan motionless for a moment.

"I... are you throwing me out of your bed...?" he asked in disbelief and again the damn tears gathered in his eyes.

Without waiting for an answer, he jumped off the bed and wanted to run out of the room, but Chan was faster.

He grabbed Jisung's hand before he could even reach the doorknob and grabbed him.

Indignant, he pressed his lips on those of the younger.

Detached himself from him again and looked deep into his eyes. Pushed him against the door and finally pressed himself against him.

For a moment, Jisung tried to defend himself against Chan. Tried to push the older away. Tried to stand up to his gaze and sparkle at him angrily, but finally he gave up.

When Chan felt the tension deviate from the younger's body, he gently lifted his chin with two fingers and kissed him carefully. Ready to be pushed away by him at any time if Jisung had tried.

Finally, he retreated a little and took a deep breath. "No, I won't throw you out of my bed! I just wanted to give you the choice! Like earlier when I asked if you wanted to go with Felix and Hyunjin! I would love to have you all to myself and take you on the spot right now and have incredible sex with you. But I don't want you to do anything you regret afterwards! I want you to have the choice and for you to make your decisions because you can and not because you have to!"

Chan's voice had become louder and louder towards the end, which he hadn't intended at all. But he was insecure and angry and somehow frustrated.

Nothing went the way he had imagined it and it slowly but surely drove him crazy.

He jerkily let go of Jisung and turned around.

He clenched his hands into fists and took a deep breath several times.

Just as he was thinking about what to do, a hand wrapped around his hip and clawed into his shirt.

Jisung pressed himself against his back and Chan had the feeling that the younger one was shaking.

Sighing, he turned and pulled him into his arms. "Sorry.. I shouldn't have screamed... I-"

"I'm so sorry..." Jisung whispered and pressed his face against Chan's shoulder.

Frustrated, Chan took a deep breath.

"Please don't get this wrong now. But would you feel better if I just fucked you now and then fall asleep?" he asked and sounded harsher than he actually wanted.

"Probably not," Jisung whispered.

"Or do you think that maybe you would feel better if we went back to bed and cuddled now?"

"Cuddles sound better..." Jisung whispered and again he felt terrible.

Chan pulled him wordlessly to the bed and after they both lay down again, he pulled Jisung to him and kissed him gently. Much gentler than before, which at least ensured that Jisung's thoughts wandered in a different direction.

"Please stop worrying so much... we will find a way that suits us..." Chan murmured and after Jisung nodded hesitantly, he kissed him again.

Jisung still couldn't fall asleep. At some point he heard Chan's deep, even breaths and pushed his arm down from his hip.

He slipped out of bed, grabbed his phone and left the room. In the living room he reached for a wool blanket and his headphones and went with it to the balcony.

There stood a beautiful rocking chair on which he sat, snuggled into the blanket, and took a deep breath.

The cars were driving under him on the street, even if there were only a few left at that time and light was still burning in most buildings, at least behind some windows.

His eyes closed more and more often, which he didn't really notice, and finally he fell asleep.

꧁⟢𓆩♡𓆪⟣꧂