𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. 🌑

chapter fourteen

"I swear, if you haven't blocked her already, I will kick you, and you won't be allowed in the delivery room." Shea says, trying to make light of the situation, but her voice cracks at the end.

"Chill." Chris laughs, trying to make her smile. "I blocked her already, I swear. It's just me and you now, just like it should be." He squeezes her hand, hoping she'll believe him. "Come on, let's eat something, okay?"

"Fine." Shea says, finally relenting. She takes a bite of the food, chewing slowly as she tries to calm down. "It's just hard, you know? Having to trust you again."

"You still don't trust me?" Chris asks, surprised.

"You lied to me for months ..." She trails off, her voice softening. "It's going to take time."

"It's been a year, Shea..." Chris whispers, hurt filling his voice. "I've done everything to make this right. I've been there for you through everything. And I'm going to keep doing it, until you believe me." He leans in, kissing her forehead. "I love you, and I'll prove it to you every day."

Shea glances at him. "You can't give me my best friend back ..." as she looks down, a tear rolls down her cheek.

The guilt hits him like a ton of bricks. And he feels backed into a corner -- something he absolutely hates. And he says something that makes him seem like an even bigger asshole than he already does. "If she slept with me, then maybe she wasn't really your friend in the first place." It comes out more harsher than he intended.

Shea's eyes widen, shock filling her face. He stares at her, cursing to himself for saying the wrong thing. "That's not what I meant." But she's already slapping him across the face, hard enough to sting, dumping the food all over his lap.

"You are such an asshole!" she cries, tears streaming down her face. "You never change! You never fucking change!"

She storms off, leaving Chris feeling even worse than he did before. He wants nothing more than to crawl into a hole and disappear, to make it all better. But he knows he can't. Because no matter what he does, he keeps digging himself deeper and deeper.

But the longer he stood there, the more angrier he got -- and the more he stared at the food on his lap, the more it looked like a symbol of everything that was wrong with his life. And the more he wanted to do something, anything, to make it right again.

But the intensity of his emotions fucked him over, and before he could control himself -- he was back to doing something stupid.

After taking a shower and changing, he went to find Shea -- and she was in the baby's nursery; sitting in the rocking chair with that goddamn fucking book in her hand 'Key To Motherhood' or whatever the fuck it was called. She was staring at the mobile above the crib, tears still streaming down her face, but her face was pale and tight, like she was trying not to cry anymore.

He walked in, startling her as he slammed the door shut, grabbing the book out of her hand -- more like snatching it. "What the fuck are you doing?!" He shouted, his voice echoing in the room. "What kind of example are you setting for our child?!" He threw the book across the room, where it landed with a loud thud.

"Excuse me?" Shea snapped, her voice shaking. "You have no right to come in here and talk to me like that!"

"I'm fucking sick of you going around with a fucking attitude all the time, ignoring me when I'm trying to fix shit!" He yelled, pointing at her accusingly. "You're making this worse, you know that?"

"You're the one who's such a fucking asshole!" She screamed back, tears streaming down her face again. "You don't know what it's like to lose someone you care about!"