Stillness

Chapter 11

It felt so good. She smelled so good, she tasted so good. Her skin was soft like velvet, her kisses sent electricity through his body. Ash never liked his name. It was a girly name, a name his dad chose for him as a joke. Nothing worse can come from being called Ashley. Just bruises and ridicule. But God, the way she said it while he was fucking her over the kitchen table was heavenly.

Oh, Ashley.

She took back one of the things Ash hated the most about himself and turned it into something he could feel immense pleasure from. His big hands holding her smaller figure, softness of her hair. He had gone through so much, had cried so much, he had blamed himself too much for everything. Ash needed happiness, he needed someone to hold him, he needed someone to make love to him in a way that made his lips quiver, that made his eyes wet. And that someone was Cecile.

She smiled as they did it, little sighs coming out of her mouth showing she was getting tired, but it still felt so good. She grabbed his shoulders like the world was going to end, her thighs tightly closed around his hips. It felt like a long dream. Having sex, then stopping, and talking. Repeat. He never knew someone could feel so good, and it was so good, he felt a bit bad about it. Like he didn't deserve it.

He did feel guilty of almost losing any kind of contact with her. He was stubborn, he was a bit of an asshole. She wasn't the one to blame for what had happened, but after the two unbelievable nights at the cabin and going back in time, he had just gone insane. It was self protection, but did he have to protect himself from Cecile? She was the humblest person he'd ever met. In a twisted way, Ash indeed wished his friends, his fiancée and his sister to be alive, but if none of it had happened, would he meet her? What a horrible thought. Maybe all of that was meant to be? He didn't believe in God or anything, but what if all his suffering had that exact purpose? To put someone special in his life? He wished his questions could be answered.

It felt comforting to also have someone to share the experience with. Ash knew that what came out of his mouth sounded insane. Like a fever dream. He hadn't encountered anyone besides Cecile, and hadn't thought about what to say to his manager at S-Mart. "Yeah, I went to a cabin, I read from a weird book and my friends and family got possessed by a demon so I had to kill them. That's why I didn't show up to work." Ash was never the best employee, and telling the real thing would be akin to the "a dog ate my homework" excuse. His only moment of real normalcy was with Cecile. When he had Sheila back at Castle Kandar, he always knew he would lose her. He realized it was very selfish of him to keep her around. The sex was amazing, she was kind and he felt like he was in good company. He knew all along he wouldn't bring her to present time. She would be horrified, she wouldn't fit in, and Ash would have to explain a lot to people.

With Cecile... he could try. He could try again. Even if Linda popped up from time to time inside his mind, what he felt was impotence and regret because he didn't manage to save her. He loved her, but as a good part of his life, a beautiful memory. He knew he couldn't have her back. He had to move on. Every time he looked at Cecile he felt life could be beautiful. He didn't know what that was. Too early to call love. It was more like hope, hope that he could live life as normal as he did, driving his Oldsmobile around town. He could skip Elk Grove altogether, and he didn't have to tell his manager what had happened. He could change his girly name and take the dream woman with him to give her the life she deserved, away from the nowhere she lived. They could move to Vegas. It was easy to find a job there. Everything was right, everything would be in its right place.

"How can you live so far away from everything?" Ash asked. They were sitting on the couch, watching a random movie on TV. Ash didn't remember what it was about, nor he was paying attention to it at all. She was, and she giggled here and there, and he preferred to watch her instead. The colors on the screen would never be as beautiful as the colors in real life. The wooden inn, the comfortable couch, the beautiful woman. She turned to him, and shrugged.

"Well, some people just appear in the middle of nowhere. What if there wasn't anyone to help them?"

Ash smiled sadly. Yeah, she was probably talking about him. He had forgotten that he almost bled to death in the desert. He would wither for the rest of time, maybe some coyotes would gnaw on his bones, and after a while, he would be forgotten. He sighed. At least the world would be free from the Deadites and that horrible presence. He would die as an unknown, and civilization would have a future. He still feared that they would come for Cecile. The feeling somehow justified his lack of initiative of leaving the inn, at least for a while. He wanted to enjoy that piece of heaven. It felt like years since he had heard screams, since he had seen blood, since he had been hurt physically and emotionally. He almost lost Cecile, and he didn't feel like he had the space to fail again. He had failed so many people. He couldn't fail her.

"I..." Ash took a deep breath. "You're everything to me."

She stared at him. He paused. It was a long pause. She remained silent, and he looked at his toes, organizing his thoughts. "I know I'm not perfect. I've been through a lot. I took you for granted. I don't plan to do it again."

He continued. "I also know that we haven't known each other for long, but I really like you. And I want to be with you."

"Me too." Cecile smiled, sadly. Ash looked at her and he felt uneasy. There was something wrong about that smile. It felt like regret. As he reached out to hug her, he heard a whiny, piercing voice, coming through the locked front door. Both of them started at the doorknob shaking, and Ash felt the worst kind of fear one could ever feel.

"Ashley?" The voice said, in a mocking tone he knew so well, the cadence of a kid. "Did you really think you were free from us?"