Stillness

Chapter 8

"I didn't lose just family. I failed every human I've ever interacted with."

Even with fresh food, warm coffee set at the table and a cozy environment, talking about those dreadful nights was still a painful experience. "I spent two nights on that goddamn cabin. More people showed up, and they all died too. Jake, Bobby Joe, Ed... and Annie."

Cecile noticed some kind of softness when Ash talked about Annie. She felt a bit of jealousy, which she knew it was wrong, but her curiosity was bigger than any discretion. "Who's Annie?"

Ash sighed. "Annie Knowby... she was the daughter of the cabin's owners. We were dumbasses and we didn't know the cabin had owners when we slept there."

He played with the leftovers on his plate. "She came in with other people on the second night, looking for her parents. I thought they were a menace and I shot them through the door."

"Did you hurt somebody?"

Ash took both hands to his face. "Yeah. And then they thought I had murdered her parents in cold blood."

"What happened... to them?"

"The parents?" Ash sighed. "Apparently the dad was a professor studying the book of the dead. He read the pages out loud, and they were recorded and that's how I summoned that fucking Kandarian demon. His wife got possessed and was buried in the cellar."

"So Annie lost her father... and I had to kill her mother who came back to life. All because of that fucking book."

Ash grunted, attempting to hide his frustration with himself. "They all died. I had to cut my hand off. And my hand killed Annie."

"What?"

"My hand got possessed." Ash looked at his metal gauntlet, wiggling his fake fingers. "I cut it off with a chainsaw. I was losing my mind. I didn't even feel the pain."

Ash looked up, in a way to avoid Cecile's gaze. She was sitting right in front of him. "The hand had a life of its own. We kept chasing it through the house."

Cecile sighed. Ash deflated. "Yes, I know. It's hard to follow."

Everything was so difficult to process. Ash missed his human hand, but never thought much of it. He had disassociated severely from the situation. He had so much going on that he never stopped to reflect he had a normal life a month prior and suddenly it was all gone. He was covered in blood head to toe, for two nights in a row. Then, he traveled through time and battled an army of angry skeletons. One thing after another, with no time to analyze it all. Ash didn't want to trauma dump on anyone, it felt like telling Cecile all of those things was inappropriate.

It was all so exaggerated, like a mean spirited cartoon. He was grateful for Cecile's attention and understanding but as he told her everything, it seemed a bit much. Ash had never considered he could've gone mad due to those events, but as he recalled every single detail, the probability of it happening wasn't small. Maybe he imagined everything? Were his friends and family alive and well? Oh God, did he murder them all?! He paused for a bit and the young woman stared at him for a while.

"Ash. Are you okay?"

"No." He replied almost immediately. His voice cracked. "I decapitated my soon to be wife. I don't think I'll ever be okay."

"Ash..." Cecile reached out to Ash's left hand, to hold it. He seemed to hold her hand back for a second, but he let it go rather quickly.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She tried to reach out again. "It's not your fault."

"I found the book. I opened it. I played the recording. It's my fault." Ash grunted.

"You could've never known..."

"The signs were there. We were in the middle of nowhere. The book looked terrifying, everything was moldy and unkept, we should've ran away at the first sign of creepiness. But I wanted to be the strong one and stay there. It costed me everyone I've ever loved."

"Ash, you..."

"God, Cecile!" Ash started to get aggravated. "It's all my fault! It is my fucking fault! Why do you try to convince myself it isn't? I did that! I'm responsible for the deaths of all of those people! Their blood is all over my hands! Don't you understand?"

Cecile went from soft to stoic in a blink of an eye. "Yeah, I understand. I fucking understand."

Ash stood his ground, but he was surprised by her sudden change of humor. Her voice was now a creepy monotone. "I'm sure you can find someone else to remove your stitches for you. You're probably healed now. Your car is outside. Get the fuck out of my inn."

"But..."

"I don't need your fucking money. Get out."

Ash was reminded of Sheila, and her softness. They met as she shouted obscenities at him, thinking Ash was responsible for the killing of her brother. But she realized her mistake and tried to make it up for him. Being a dick wouldn't take him far. He had to be one though, because it was easier to deal with the pain. Because dicks don't get hurt. Right now, he was hurt, and it had nothing to do with Deadites or the Necronomicon. He pushed Cecile far to the point of her losing her patience. Somehow, it felt right that way.

"I don't want to see you here when I come back."

She stomped her way to her bedroom and shut the door. Ash didn't move, asking for some sugar probably wouldn't help him. What a silly thing to do, to compare Cecile with Sheila. They weren't the same and he knew it, he severely overstretched Cecile's patience. The worst thing was that she had been so kind to him all that time. Maybe sabotaging what they could feel for each other was a way to protect her from any suffering when evil found him again, as it would eventually do. Unfortunately, they both knew Ash was selfish and that altercation would protect himself more than anyone else.