Poems Of Broken Heart

IT'S OKAY

I died a little everyday,
Did you ever notice how slowly the light in my eyes dim?
How I slowly died, did you ever notice?
Did you even think or care about me?
Did you ever think how your harsh words might have cut me?
How much they might have hurt me?

How much sore my eyes were or if they were puffed from crying?
Did you notice my eyelids getting heavier everyday?

Did you ever stop to understand me?
No. You never did.
You never tried to understand me or stop for me to catch up,
But you were my family, how could you?
You said blood is thicker than water,
But the same blood chained me down,
The same blood choked me everyday,
The same blood stunted my growth,
The same blood took away my will to live.

Tell me what did it all get me?
I gave up myself for blood,
Now they took away my will to live,
Now they made me give up on myself.
Why? Wasn't family meant to be a happy place?
Wasn't family meant to be a safe place?
Then why I gave up on myself in the same place?
Why mine made me feel like I don't matter?
Why mine made me feel like I am a burden?
Why do I feel unwanted and unseen at this so called place called family?
Where did it all go wrong?

I was a little girl, then a teen, and now a broken adult,
I broke myself for family, for blood,
Tell me who pinned these heavy wings on my shoulders?
Tell me why they put me in this scary darkness, all alone?
I thought, I would be happy here,
But instead I went down in this spiral of darkness.

I was young and innocent,
Is it my fault?
How could you, who claimed to be my family,
Who said that blood is power,
How could you break me down?
How could you bury my soul?
How could you kill me from inside, every single day?
How could you?

I sacrificed, I did,
But did you ever appreciate me?
Did you ever say that I matter?
Did you ever say that you love me for the person I am?
Did you ever love me and not for my grades or job?
Did you even see me as a human, who has feelings?
Did I ever have feelings, in your eyes?
No. I was just a toy, just a robot,
I was your slave and you were my master.

I was never a person for you,
I was never a person, who could have feelings,
That's how you thought of me, isn't it?
I know, that's why you never cared if your words slayed or shattered me,
That's why you never asked me if I was hurt,
That's why you never treated me as a human being.
And it's all okay,
Because I am already dead,
No matter how profusely you apologise now,
I won't come back alive, even if I want,
I am already gone,
A dead body, a mess with a barely beating heart.

It's okay, my own family cut me down, 
Also betrayal never comes from strangers or enemies,
It comes from your own family, from your own friends,
The ones you trust the most.
It's okay, I am gone,
It's okay I have already given up on myself,
It's okay, I am tired now,
It's okay, I will sleep now, forever,
It's okay…

               -Larkspur Hills