Finding Jaime

Chapter 104

"Jaime," Bronx said. "Meagan told us about Ethan. I'm sorry."

"Thanks," I said.

We ate breakfast, Marvel humming and singing as she ate, making the atmosphere just that much more pleasant.

"Jaime?" She asked me. "Do pamcakes make you happier?"

I looked at her and smiled.

"Yeah, Mar. they definitely helped," I said. She grinned.

After breakfast I helped clean up, did dishes while Mom dried and put away and Saint cleared and wiped down the table. Dad was down in his office and Marvel was eating some yogurt in her booster seat.

I wondered if Mom hadn't died, what this past year would have been like. Would I have still gotten cancer? Would I have been able to beat it? Would I have even met Ethan?

When I was done in the kitchen, I went upstairs and pulled on a bathing suit. Grabbing a towel I went back downstairs with my phone and a Bluetooth speaker and went outside. I put the speaker by the poolside, turned on The Offspring and got into the pool. Like when Emmanuel had died, I just floated there, staring at the sky. It was clear blue without a cloud in the sky.

"You doing okay, all things considered?" Dad asked, coming outside.

"Yeah," I said, just floating on my back.

"Anything you want to, or need to talk about?" He asked, sitting on a lounge chair nearby.

"No," I said. There wasn't. I was still thinking about what I'd say about Ethan at his funeral.

Dad just sat there, letting me float and listen to music.

I spent the next couple of days thinking, writing and revising. E deserved a good send off. But was I really the one to do it?

The morning of Ethan's funeral, Mom came and woke me up by sitting on my bed and stroking my head with her fingers through my hair. I opened my eyes and she smiled at me.

"Your hair's coming in wavy," she said, smiling. "I mean, it wasn't perfectly straight before, but it's got more curl to it now."

"The chemo probably scared the crap out of my hair follicles," I smirked. Mom smiled at me.

"Get up and get dressed. Your dad is almost ready. We'll leave at ten thirty, okay?"

I looked at my clock. It was ten. I nodded, sat up and, after Mom moved, I went and started getting ready.

I wasn't hungry so when I got downstairs, dressed in my suit, but wearing my blue Converse, Ethan had a pair the same colour and Linda had told me they put them on him.  So I was wearing mine.

"Sneakers?" Dad asked.

"Same as Ethan's," I said. Dad nodded.

We drove to the funeral home in silence. Even Marvel as quiet. She'd had to come, since no one would be home to watch her.

"Hi Jaime," Linda said as we came into the parlour. She wrapped me in a hug.

"Hi," I said. "How are you holding up?"

"As best as I can, I guess. David is struggling a bit more, and Ashley hasn't spoken since we lost her brother."

I nodded.

Linda told me a few details and told us to go sit in the parlour near the front, by the family.  We went and took seats and waited for the service. Ethan was laid out in a small blue casket. I didn't want to go up and see him. I didn't want to see him all done up and made to look healthy. It was bad enough that he died young. Seeing him made up to look almost healthy would make it worse.

The service started about 20 minutes later and we listened to the officiant talk about Ethan.

"And now, the family has asked Ethan's friend and honorary big brother Jaime Clarke, to say a few words."

I took a deep breath, swallowed and walked, shakily, up to the lectern. I took out the dragon Ethan had given me and put it on top of the lectern then took out what I'd written.

"Um, hi," I started. "I'm Jaime. And I had a speech thing written, but if you don't mind, I think I'm just going to talk. I promise, I won't take long and I won't embarrass anyone."

A few people tittered. I looked at the dragon.

"The first day I met Ethan, I wanted him to go away and leave me alone. It kind of took all my strength not to tell him to shut up. You see, Ethan and I met in the chemotherapy clinic at LA Children's. I was well into my treatments by then and not feeling well. And here was this nine year old who just would not stop talking," I smirked. "I'm glad he didn't. Because he may have been nine, but he was smart. He completely changed my perspective. He told me he saw his cancer as a dragon and he was a knight. Chemo was supposed to be his Excalibur."

A tear ran down my face.

"While I admit I didn't know Ethan as well as a lot of you did, I knew the important things a nine year old shares with people. I know his best friend's name is Toby. I know he idolized Tony Hawk and that he liked the Red Sox and the Lakers. He said his favourite band was The Offspring, and we'd listen to them whenever we were together.

I know that he loved his sister and he worried she didn't know that he did. I know he worried about his parents because it was hard for them to watch him fight this battle. Cancer sucks. But if I hadn't gotten cancer, I'd have never met this, annoying, amazing kid.

I spent more time with him over the last couple weeks and I know there were times he probably had no idea I was even there, but I would just lay beside him on his bed and it gave his mom and dad a chance to take a few minutes to themselves.

Ethan was brave. He knew he might not survive. He knew his odds. But he fought. He fought so hard. But the dragon got him in the end."

I took a deep breath.

"E," I said. "If there is a heaven, find my mom. She'll take care of you until we meet again."

I was openly weeping now. Dad came up and helped me back to our seats. Linda and Ashley hugged me as I came back. David shook my hand and clapped me on the shoulder.

"Thank you, Jaime," he said. I nodded, and then turned and walked back to my seat. Dad put his arm around my shoulders and I cried, quietly, for Ethan, and his family, and my mom. And Emmanuel's mom.