Failure Man

The Mafia Arc - SIX: We Got This

Eric swings open the door to his and Mark's new apartment. He sits a ripped-up suitcase on the floor and opens it up. Mark enters behind with a grocery bag full of clothes. He chucks the bag and then lays down on the floor. Eric pulls a black suit out of his suitcase and strips down to put it on. Mark covers his face to hide his flustered blush. 

"My shift at Spaghetti Meet Balls is until 10 pm tonight, so we won't be able to go on patrol," Eric says as he buttons up the top of his suit.

"That's okay, I'll just get some stuff set up here while you're gone," Mark replies, stretching his arms out and attempting to grab the bag he threw across the room.

"Alright, I'm headed out, don't burn down the apartment," Eric says as he adjusts his tie and walks out the door.

Mark looks up at the ceiling as he stretches out his entire body. He jumps up suddenly and grabs his bag, flipping it and dumping everything on the floor. He squats back down into a crisscross and begins sorting his belongings. There are lots of shirts, mainly basic color shirts like the red one he wears with his hero suit. But there are also some band shirts sprinkled throughout the pile. He folds the shirts and separates them into piles, then moves onto his shorts, and begins doing the same thing. He picks up a pair and notices something hanging out of the pocket. Reaching in and grabbing it, it's revealed to be a bracelet. It's blue, and "Best Son Ever" is engraved around the band. A tear trickles out of Mark's eye, he quickly reaches up and wipes it away. The bracelet was gifted to him by his mom, she had a matching pink one. Mark reminisces on memories of his mom, stopping himself from crying as he remembers her funeral. He puts the bracelet on and continues sorting his clothes.

Eric enters the kitchen at Blinton's finest (and only) Italian restaurant, Spaghetti Meet Balls.

"You're late." says a tall man with an even taller chef hat.

"I'm sorry sir, I got here as quickly as I could," Eric responds, grabbing a notebook off a nearby shelf.

"Yeah, okay. Go out and take orders, Jesse already started seating people in your section." The man says nonchalantly but demandingly.

Eric walks through the swinging door to see his entire section filled with people. He takes a deep breath and approaches the table closest to him. It was going to be a long night.

Back at the apartment, Mark is getting ready to go furniture shopping. He throws a jacket over his suit and tucks his cape in so it's hidden. He removes his mask and shoves it into one of the jacket pockets. There's a zip-loc bag on the counter labeled "furniture $". Inside is a couple hundred dollars Eric sorted for Mark to go and buy furniture and other necessities for the apartment. Mark grabs the bag and heads out the door, remembering to lock it before leaving. He walks across town to the wholesale store, Stuff & Stuff. Walking down the TV aisle, Mark sees a huge flatscreen TV with all the fix-ins. He looks at it in absolute admiration, till he sees the price tag and releases he doesn't even have a fraction of the cost for it. Mark sighs and walks the rest of the aisle, finally settling on a much cheaper, less fancy TV. He plops it down into the huge flat cart and pushes it around to grab everything else. He gets Eric a new desk and chair. He gets a Full-sized bed, opting to get only one so they have extra money for something else, and maybe because he doesn't like sleeping alone. Continuing his mental list of items, he enters the aisle with couches and chairs. As he browses the selection he hears teenagers laughing in the aisle behind him.

"You think you're funny? You're messing with the wrong guy." Says a guy behind Mark, his demeanor ticking him off. He glances behind him to see what's going on.

"Hey man it's just a joke! We were gonna take it back out! Promise!" A teenager responds to the Man.

"Yeah? After I bought it right? You think you can just get free stuff by sneaking it into random people's carts?" The man says, stepping closer to the teens and raising his voice.

"N-no dude! We didn't want you to pay for it, it's just a dare that we could sneak it into your cart!" Another teenager speaks up.

"Right. I don't believe you. I think your parents never beat any sense into you kids. Guess I'll have to do their job for them." The man reveals a pair of brass knuckles and takes another step towards the boys.

"Alright, I need to stop this," Mark mutters to himself. He takes off his jacket and sits it in his cart. He grabs his mask from the pocket and ties it to his head.

"Woah! Please don't hurt us man!" One of the teens says as all three of them are panicking.

"Step away from the kids." Failure Man says, revealing himself atop a pallet of energy drinks. 

"Who the hell are you?" The man turns to look at Failure Man and the teens run away.

"My name is Failure Man and I'm here to show you why you don't threaten innocent kids." Failure Man responds as he jumps down from the pallet. 

"You're name is Faiure Man? Oh my god! HAHAHAHA!" The man starts laughing uncontrollably as Failure Man approaches him. He finally opens his eyes and sees Failure Man's fist coming right towards him. 

A man walks into the area pushing a cart with cleaning supplies on it. He looks over at the huge mess of boxes and the man passed out in the middle of them. 

"Who did this?" The cleaner asks. 

"Some guy, I think he called himself Failure Man." A woman bystander responds.

"He saved a group of teens from being beaten by that man, he's a hero!" Another woman chimes in. 

Mark exits the aisle with a couch stacked onto his cart, fleeing the scene. He returns to the complex and painstakingly brings each heavy box up to the apartment. He takes forever setting it all up but finally gets to rest on the couch. Drifting to sleep while watching some random reality show. 

Eric gets home a few hours later and throws his bag on the counter. 

"He actually got all the furniture. I'm impressed." Eric talks to himself.

He rounds the couch and sees Mark sleeping. Joining him, he closes his eyes and quickly passes out.

The man with brass knuckles walks into Spaghetti Meet Balls and steps down into the basement. He approaches a desk and slaps a picture of Mark down. 

"His name is Failure Man, and he's the hero our guys have been reporting out in the streets." He says to someone in front of him, their back turned in a chair. 

"Thank you, Sergio, you've done well." The man in the chair turns around. He's young and has a thin black mustache growing in. Sergio nods and backs away. 

"I want all the info we can find on this... Failure Man." The Mafia Leader gets out of his chair and walks out of the room.