All the lies between us (Mattheo Riddle x Draco Malfoy)

chapter fifteen

"I know how much you love all this, I wanted to make you happy. I'm sorry you have to cry now."

I heard him sit down next to me. Immediately afterwards I hugged him as tightly as I could and said a quiet 'thank you'. He is the first person who has ever done something like that for me, the first person who took such good care of me after my grandma died. I couldn't believe how happy and sad I was, but I guess my happiness is stronger than my sadness.

"You know, nobody knows but thestrals are my favorite animals too. I found the place by chance and it's been my favorite ever since."

We smiled, even though it probably wasn't his intention, his words comforted me in some way. They were honest, sad but also happy together. How much pain does Mattheo feel that nobody knows about? It's kind of sad to see that you're bottling up so much, but I can understand him. I was the same. But somehow I'm also worried about him, I'm a little scared for him too. Did my friends think that about me too? Were they worried too? If so, I was a real asshole, I don't need to lie. I was an asshole because they wanted to help me and I was cruel to them. Why do I only notice something like that afterwards? Why?

"Does it hurt a lot?" I asked suddenly.

I didn't even know what exactly I was asking, what kind of answer I wanted to hear, but after his sigh I knew he understood.

"I never thought I could ever be happy again."

We didn't look at each other, I somehow had the feeling that he was wiping a small tear from the corner of his eye. I wanted to hug him, but I gave him space. Maybe he wanted to tell me more, and that takes some time. To find the right words.

"When I was little, I had a cousin on my father's side. He was like a brother to me. In the summer, just before his third year, I went to his house. If I had only come a few minutes earlier, he would still be alive today. He killed himself, right in front of my eyes."

I didn't know what to say, so I just hugged him. Now I was sure he was crying, I felt tears on my shoulder. I was happy that he had opened up to me, but I was abnormally sad. When he told me that no one knew about it, it broke my heart. No one knew what he had to go through, no one knew what pain he felt and probably still feels. No one knows his past. I suddenly felt disgusted when I thought about how I had judged him, especially the years before. There really was a reason why he was the way he was. There was a reason why he had his reputation. But he just wanted to suppress pain and everyone judged him. Is it normal that I feel like a bad person?

"Thank you for being there for me." he said as we watched the stars together.

A good two hours had already passed, we were now lying head to head on the blanket, our hands tightly wrapped around each other and this moment felt like the most beautiful melody in the world. Just him and me, far away from the others, that was a beautiful feeling. It felt real. We cried, laughed, saw together. Everything else was unimportant now, only we counted. Slowly, however, it was getting really uncomfortable, so I sat upright again, but so that I was facing him. Shortly afterwards, he did the same. We both smiled like crazy, my cheeks were slowly starting to hurt. It was a full moon, I suddenly thought of Professor Lupin, then noticed the many stars and thought again of my grandma, the blue flowers reminded me of Luna and the lake reminded me of Mattheo. The more I paid attention to the things around me, the more people I thought of. Why didn't I pay attention to things like that before? To all the beautiful things around me? How could I ignore that just because I wasn't feeling well? I blocked everything out and only saw the bad things. I sighed, I could cling to the past for so long. It hurt, but it got better, why didn't I believe from the beginning that it would get better? I always blamed others for my misfortune, but I was the one who had tied herself up in her hole. I was the one to blame for my misfortune. I can't believe how comfortable I found myself in my grief, how comfortable I felt living in the past.

"I'm really happy to have you." said Mattheo after we sat quietly next to each other.

I could only agree with him.

"You don't know how much you've helped me. It's only because of you that I've come to terms with my past." I admitted.

"I'm glad to hear that."

He brushed the strand of hair out of my face, his hand remained on my cheek. He came closer and closer to me, it felt like my heart was jumping out of my chest and like something was going wrong in my stomach, I felt also a little dizzy, which I couldn't classify as normal. I became more nervous with every centimeter he came closer, somehow I had the feeling that I was going to faint. And then he kissed me. Finally I felt his soft lips on mine, his hand gently leading to my neck and all my nervousness disappeared within a few seconds. I couldn't believe it, Mattheo kissed me and it was the most beautiful feeling I've felt in a long time. I wished this moment could last forever, but then he pulled away from my lips and grinned. Without thinking much, we both lay down, me on his chest, and continued what we both longed for. We kissed in the moonlight, by a lake in our elegant clothing, which I no longer worried about getting dirty. I wanted it to stay like this forever, just the two of us and no others who wanted to ruin everything for us. Now I can put my past behind me and just worry about my future. A future with Mattheo Riddle in the lead role.

I won't be able to sleep a wink tonight.