Side Story 1: Seven Saturdays At Sally's Part 1: The First Night

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(Author's note: Side Stories are more humorous chapters/mini arcs that don't fit within the story, but unlike bloopers they are CANON. Maybe a little teaser somewhere...)

(A Wattpad Original)

The scene opens in the Alliance base. Red Ops is standing on a podium with a small cardboard box. A crowd is gathered around him.

Red Ops: Good whatever to you all. This is the first ever Alliance auction. You may be wondering why we're doing this. Apparently you guys like to pick up random shit from the surface and that leads to big messes.

The hardware heads murmur amongst themselves.

Red Ops: Yep. No more taco incidents or body pillows with Titan-sized inflatable...you know.
Also, they said I could get 20% of the profits, so please spend money. Now, the first item is...

Director TV Man teleports onto the stage.

Director TV Man: This plastic trophy! Which we're giving to Red Ops for his sarcasm.

Red Ops: I'm not that sarcastic.

Director TV Man: Maybe not. This is just as an insult.

Red Ops:

Oh wow, thank you sooooo much. Anyway, the next item is this...rubber duck.

Lucky Cameraman: Dibs!

Red Ops: Starting price is...300 credits.

Lucky: I'll take it for 2.

Red Ops: 200?

Lucky: 2.

Red Ops: 20. That's as low as I'll go.

Lucky: 10. Final offer.

Red Ops: Fiiinne. Going once, going twice, sold to that guy who maxed out his luck stats instead of his cash boost. Hey, next time use your luck to win the lottery and buy me a jetski! Next up is...this vintage TV magazine.

Elite Cameraman: I WANT IT!

Red Ops: Okay. Starting bid is 800 credits.

Elite Cameraman: 20.

Red Ops: DAMNIT! 100.

Elite Cameraman: 50.

Red Ops: Fine. Sold to the mega simp. Here's your stupid magazine.

Elite Cameraman pays up then flips through the pages.

Elite Cameraman: Oh yeah...I'm gonna have fun tonight.

Red Ops: Euurgh. Next...an animatronic!

Lefty

Lefty

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