twisted fate

coffee & contemplation

DAY 32...

ki'ara had retreated back to the living quarters again. not having stepped outside since her last interaction with neteyam. her heart sank when she replayed that scene, the way she screamed at him, biting his head off when all he wanted to do was help her. but, her stomach twists tightly when she remembers the reason why. even when she felt awful for treating her best friend horribly, the depressive, empty feeling seemed to keep overshadowing it.

spider, lo'ak and kiri have been trying to get her to warm back up to them. they would all come over every few nights to play a mixture of na'vi and human games inside the living quarters in attempts to bring her spirits up. still, none of them know the reasoning behind her mood, nor do they feel that they need to. their friend is hurting and all they care to do is to put a stop to it. even when ki'ara clearly wasn't in the mood to play, they always encouraged her and acted as if everything will be okay.

although, ki'ara couldn't help but notice that neteyam hadn't come with them to see her. ever since they were kids neteyam had been weary of the labs, only trusting the technologies that his father helped instill. she realized growing up he just wasn't super into the human technologies that they have inside, but he seemed to warm up to it the longer that they were inseparable.

'he literally slept over like two weeks ago, what's stopping him?' unable to continue paying attention to the game, ki'ara stood up and sulked towards her room, saying nothing to anyone. "ki? we haven't finish playi-" kiri was cut off by a slight raise of ki'ara's hand, silently telling her to leave her be.

DAY 40...

laying still as a statue in her bed, ki'ara listened to the sounds around her. she could hear muffled sounds of night animals through her wall, the sound of the scientists shuffling in and out of the airlock doors. she had no idea if it was day or night time, if the scientists were coming or going. rolling over to check what her laptop had to say, she realized it was quite late, the last people must be coming back after long shifts. ki'ara got out of bed to take a seat at her desk, deciding to work on a new drawing while contemplating whether or not to go find and talk to grace.

every word that grace spoke to her 40 days ago was burned into her brain, every detail repeating like a broken record. the last few days though, only one sentence has been really sticking out to her.

"in case of any emergencies, we began to grow avatar bodies for you both, and you both as infants were fed by the newest na'vi mothers until you could eat solids."

"we began to grow avatar bodies for you.."

for as long as she could remember, ki'ara always imagined how much more she would thrive if she wasn't a human being, trapped somewhere she doesn't necessarily belong. and, she would be lying to herself if she said she's never thought about giving herself to eywa, before even knowing about her mother. part of her thought that in return eywa might reward her with new life, giving ki'ara a chance to truly show her love and appreciation for their home. but this was all foolish thinking, especially now knowing what she knows...

having sat with this detail for a few days, and not coming up with a good enough reason not to, ki'ara tosses her tablet across her bed and exits her room, confidently for the first time in over a month. she quickly scans over the common living area looking for grace, successfully finding her at the same kitchen table she last saw her sitting at. taking a few deep breaths before approaching, ki'ara tries to gather her words in her head.

ki sat down with a plop, barely allowing grace raise her eyebrows in surprise before blurting out- "i want to be in my avatar body." grace choked on her coffee that she was mid sip in when ki'ara had sat. "AND you can't say no. i'm an adult now and you said yourself, they're there for us." "i believe i said 'in case of emergencies' ki'ara! and keep your voice down, spider is in his room." ki sat back forcefully in her chair, shaking her head and crossing her arms. "so you haven't told him anything yet either? you let me sit with this for more than a month and he still is walking around clueless?"

grace reaches her arms out across the table, looking for ki'ara to do so in return, but her hands stayed glued underneath of them. "ki, as strong as both you and spider are, YOU have always been mentally stronger. you've always been able to handle stressful situations better." grace's eyesight shifts around the room as a smile slowly climbs across her face. "do you remember that day when all of you kids were climbing that big cliff on the west side of the camp here? spider and kiri came running back screaming and crying that lo'ak had slipped and broken his wrist. the two of them were sooo scared. but when neytiri and jake got there, they found you and neteyam comforting him, and YOU had already splinted the wrist. you guys were only 7- well.... you were 6 and neteyam was 7."

ki'ara was more upset than she was when she first came and sat, and grace could see that. "and that's another thing! does neteyam know the truth?? his parents obviously must, does he know that we're actually younger than him? does he know the truth of what happened to my mother?" "ki'ara, the na'vi brain develops much faster than human's do. we start to form memories at the age of 3 or 4, while na'vi can remember their earliest moments if they're impactful enough. when neteyam grew up, he asked his parents why when we celebrate your birthday is it the same age as his. he remembers first meeting the two of you. when he was a year old." grace let out a deep sigh, seeing the distraught across ki's face. "he was old enough at the time that jake decided he should know what the reason was."

ki'ara was overloaded with too many truths. as much as she wanted to be furious at neteyam for keeping this secret from her just like everyone else had, she understood why he hadn't said anything. finding all this out should absolutely have come from grace. a part of her is glad that he didn't say a word. almost forgetting why she was sitting here, ki'ara steered the conversation back the way she wanted.

"does she have my face, my DNA?" arms still folded, awaiting an acceptable answer. grace slowly sits back in her chair and smiles lightly, "yes she does." a moment of silence rests between the two women before a few loud deep breaths and a life changing question is asked.

"would you like to see her?"