16/4/17 I've spent my weekends in bed stalking your socials. I scroll through each picture on your page and he's always in the background with the rest of your friends. Your Instagram is amazing, I've rewatched all your stories a thousand times now from your highlights and I feel like I really understand you now. Each video where you're laughing, each repost where you show me something that's important to you. I know you. I've watched all your favourite shows by now. I used to hate friends and it's annoying laugh track but I've conditioned myself to love it. I laugh the way you laugh at every unfunny joke and I cry the same way you would at every overused plot line. Being you is so much fun, I feel like I have no worries.
You posted yourself at a party on your Snapchat story. I felt like I was there. I saw your picture you posted with him. I felt like I was standing next to him with my lips curving upwards in the exact same ways yours does. I've never tasted alcohol before yet it seems to be your version of water. What's so appealing about it? My dad has a massive cupboard filled with his favourite drink. I've never thought to touch it but I know that my sister shows no qualms of stealing from there.
You wouldn't know her, she's in the grade below us. Everybody loves her. They all treat her better than me. I was the disappointment and she was they're star. She's skinner than me, prettier than me, she's even smarter than me. You wouldn't understand though, I don't think you'll ever know what it'd be like to want to be somebody else. There's two types of people in this world, the type to want and the type to be wanted. You, Alissa, are the type to be wanted.
-the forgotten older sister
7/5/17 I showed up at school today in a skirt and tank top, I even curled my hair and applied some mascara. And when he was walking past with Andrew he slapped my butt. Is that a good thing? I didn't know how to react but in a way I felt satisfied. He liked me enough to do that to me. Out of everybody else. He's never even spoken to me before and now he finds me attractive. I counted it as a win and for the rest of the day I couldn't get that stupid blush off my face. I wanted him to do it again. I wanted him to notice me again. It felt good when I had his attention. I wanted more of it. I'd never felt as special as I did when he touched me.
Jennie disagrees with me. She's nothing like me, I don't even know why I'm friends with her. She's dragging me down. She disagrees with my diet - she says it's unhealthy and I should eat more than a bowl of oatmeal everyday. Cant she see it's working? She disagrees with my love for him - she says that he's not a good guy. Cant she see it's working? She disagrees with new clothing choices - she says that I look like a slut. But can't she see it's working.
Jennie will never understand.
-a changing girl
9/5/17 I need more money. I need more clothes. I want more attention. I've never felt as beautiful as I do when a man compliments me. They want me? They see me? It's like an addiction. I love the way it makes me feel. Recently my parents have begun arguing more, it's getting worse. My sister doesn't acknowledge it as she's barely even at home, my mom pretends that everything's okay and my dad's been staying out later than usual. If nobody else is making an attempt of keeping our family together. Why should I.
-a girl from a broken family
29/5/17 I got complimented on my smile today. They'll never know that I stole it from you. Jennie and I aren't speaking anymore, she's been calling me a bad influence after I tried to make her change her clothing choices. That isn't even my fault! It's embarrassing being seen everyday at school with a girl who dresses like my grandmother. I'm glad I ended up ditching her it was a bad look for me anyways. I've been speaking to Amelia more often now. She's one of your friends. Here's to another Friday night spent in my bed yet this time I'm 15lbs lighter.
-Amelia's friend
30/5/17 My weekend was spent helping my dad pack up. He's going away on a business trip but anybody with a mind can convey the hidden meaning behind his words. Mom can't handle it. It's been an hour since she left and I can hear her sobbing from next door. It's a lot more quiet in the house without their arguing. I pass my time by listening to his Spotify playlists. Imagine how romantic it'd be if he made a playlist just for me about me. His music taste is interesting. I expected him to listen to the oldest sonnets or even a love song, why is 21 savage on his playlist? But I understand it, in a way a rap song is like it's very own poem. I never cared much for rap but once I discovered it was your favourite, I listened to it until it became the best I've ever heard.
-a rap fan
16/6/17 Back at school again. I borrowed one of my sister's casual dresses, it's short, revealing and skimpy. Deep down I'm wishing for him to give me any sort of attention no matter what kind. I expected life to be quieter maybe even lonelier without Jennie but I was wrong. She definitely was holding me back. I spent most of my time with Amelia. Her conversation topics are quite boring but the thought of being seen with her motivates me. It increases my social standing. She ditched me at lunch though and was forced to sit by myself behind the bleachers until his friend group showed up.
Sam, Andrew, him and Louie. It's crazy, they didn't notice me at first and I could only sit there and watch them. I was enjoying my admiring time and then Louie spotted me. Then the whole group saw me. They actually talked to me. But how come they didn't know that I've been going to the same school as them for the last 3 years. Andrew called me pretty and he didn't attempt to hide the fact the he was blatantly checking me out.
However he just watched me and didn't say a thing. He was the only one that didn't speak to me. That didn't mention my looks , my body, or my height. I still can't get over the fact that they talked to me. They even asked me for my name. I cant get over it. My heart stops every time I remember the way my eyes met his. He knows me now. He even knows my name. It's so unfortunate that our conversation was cut short because of the bell. It was surreal. I even surprised myself by the way I was able to remain breathing steadily and giving them interesting responses. All thanks to you no doubt.
-The girl behind the bleachers
19/6/17 I hope the universe is okay. Are the sun, the stars and the moon all aligned or something because my life can't be real right now. Who knew that all it took was an outfit change and a little bit of makeup to attract so much attention to myself. I love the attention. It feeds me. I live for it.
I walked in this morning and Louie called out my name and ran up behind me. He even walked me to locker. He's not a very interesting person but that didn't matter. All that mattered were the amount of looks and stares I got just by being by his side. It didn't even stop there. You, Amelia, him and Sam all stopped at my locker and were talking with me.
He's even more handsome up close. He said 'hi' to me and I nearly melted. He remembered my name.
-a girl who needs to stop writing
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