Journal entry 101

1

I entered the dimly lit condo, it seemed my sister was getting married to a very wealthy man. I was only invited by my best friend Evan and I was sure he only invited me because he did not know I was gay. If he knew, he would truly beat me up just like all those bullies back in highschool. I straightened up the only decent shirt I had. I was not invited to the wedding so meeting the man of the hour in the bachelor's party was literally the least I could do. My shirt was crinkled, I couldn't afford dry cleaning or the laundry bills so I had hand washed it immediately after another failed interview.

It was black, at least I got the theme of the party right. I was determined to stay on the low through out the party and only go to congratulate the groom when he was alone, I would however not say my relation to his soon to be wife, that would make him hate me and I did not want that honestly. I knew how my family talked about me, Like I was a disease and like I was the worst disgrace to our family name, it was not entirely a lie.

I was the black sheep in a family of three. My father was a re known lawyer who worked in one of the biggest firms in New York city. My mother owned a beauty parlor somewhere in the rich parts of town. They had more than enough money. My eldest brother, who I loved so dearly and my only supporter, had left when he was seventeen, I was only fifteen, I did not know why he left and no one spoke of it. I hadn't seen him for eight years and I had completely given up on seeing him again. All I knew was that he really wanted to become a doctor, his specialty, I did not know.

My sister who was also my twin was the other person who hated me with her guts...apart from my parents. She was the one getting married. She had studied law and was currently working at dad's company, I had studied that too but dad did not want anything to do with me, so I went back to campus to study business after even my family members could not hire me in the family law firm. I never hated Jessy, she was my twin,but I thought my twin would be the person to accept me if I came out as gay, fun fact, I was wrong. Jessy cut off interactions with me, let her popular friends beat me up in the school hallways and made sure my parents and relatives hated me. She would not even invite me to her wedding for God's sake! I was dead to her, just like I was to everyone else.

****·_·*****

Well, my name is Jake, Jake Meadow. I am twenty four years old and am gay, as mentioned so many times above. I did not have the pleasure of coming out on my own terms like most gay people, I was forced to, because my best friend...scratch that,my ex best friend, outed me and betrayed me. I had never had it good in life honestly. I wasn't the smartest in class, neither was my sister but she was still loved because unlike me, she was the perfect daughter for my parents. Although I knew about my sister's mistakes,I never turned on her on my parents like the good twin I am, but not her. Jessy used any opportunity to make me get hit or told to sleep outside on the bench in the back yard, you can imagine what my childhood was like.

I had studied law, and graduated but I did not get a job since my father managed to convince all his law friends not to hire me, and we all know connections are everything. I therefore decided to go to Business school and start from zero. I paid my fees by working at a bar by night and a fancy restaurant in the afternoons. I still had a student debt of a couple ten thousand dollars but I had paid most of it. I still worked two jobs because I needed to eat and a place to sleep. Clothes were not a priority when you could not even afford your life,hence having only one decent shirt.

I had attended twenty seven interviews all my life and all of them never reached out to me, am sure it was because of my sexuality, they oddly always asked me about it in interviews and I had a very unnerving feeling my birth father had something to do with my failure in life. I knew he would never let me have it easy in life. I started living alone when I turned eighteen, I had to leave the house since it got to a point where I was a burden. No one would even eat with me,not even my sister on the table.

My life was pathetic since my only best friend, Evans, had been in law school with my sister and I. I never told him I was gay, and I hoped my sister would not tell him. They were pretty close and I never let Jessy suspect I was friends with him. I always avoided Evans when Jessy was around and I was more than grateful the latter was stupid enough not to notice we were even twins. After all, even when my parents attended Jessy and I's graduation ceremony, they did not talk to me at all, all the relatives only congratulated Jessy and they went to celebrate at some five star restaurant leaving me to go to my run down apartment. Of course I had also paid my law school fees myself but the least they could do would be to acknowledge me. Back then, I had a pretty decent job as an assistant to a sort of celebrity. He paid well and was also my first heartbreak, I know! Shitty life. After I graduated he fired me and found a female assistant, he said his managers had started asking questions, well fuck him for all I care. I spotted Evans immediately and smiled at his drunk self. I decided to greet him and leave immediately after seeing the groom.....that was until someone punched me right in the face from my left side.