The Requital

The Revelation to Understanding

I just stood there while she held me. I didn't know how to feel. I had never seen my mother in the 9 years of life I've lived and here I am now, confused. Lost. Desperate for answers. My mother sniffles and then stands up and looks at me while wiping her tears. She then started wiping wetness away from my cheeks. I hadn't known I was crying. Tears in a seventy-two hour period seemed to numb my face from the feeling.

"There is much for me to explain....I know none of this makes since now, but it will soon. Get some rest... you need it."

She turns around and admires the bonfire in the same stand still position she was in before I entered the Garden area.

"Gādo!"

She says loud.

The armed bodyguards behind open the doors appear. She speaks more Japanese to them and tells me that the gentlemen will show me a wash room and a room where I will sleep. I nod in compliance and head inside where the gaurds slide the doors closed behind me.

I was still discontent. I had questions to ask that i didnt want to wait. But I felt drained. Nightmares and the uncertainty of 'Will I live to see the end of the week?' will surely put a tremendous amount of strain and stress on any normal person. It seemed like the longer we walked throughout the house and turned around corners, the more I became angry in knowning my mother has been around just never in my presence.

The guard stop to speak Japanese gibberish that I did not care not to listen to because it wasn't as if I could comprehend what he was saying to me. I simply gave a response, I just pretended to understand. He opened a Shōji leading directly to the wash room and I entered. I turned on the water the shower head and simply let the hot water run down my head and face. It felt good. The shower and blathering soap over my young body forced me to be a little relieved knowing some truth was revealed to me.

I step out the shower to dry off and I noticed sitting on the bathroom sink is my backpack and a set of night cloths. I put on my pajamas and grab my backpack to leave the washroom. I slid the Shōji to then run into another guard standing in front of it. He directed me to an adjacent room where the entrance to it was opened and you could see that it was a bedroom. Walking inside and I take in the ambiance the room. The scent of lavender envades my nose and there is a single bed that lays on the floor. There is nothing on the walls and there is a Shōji door that leads to an outside patio area that you can see the entire city of Kobe in the horizon.

Looking at the view captures me. there is a slight breeze the tickles my face and is gently rustling the camellia sasanquas. I feel at peace but disturbed. I sigh as an attempt to alleviate some mental stress as I slide the Shōji closed. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I take the 22 and magazines of my bag, as I have done everynight and place it beside the bed in arms reach. Though I knew I was safe, I wasnt going to get out of practice. I get up to walk over to turn the light off then I slip under the sheets that were the softest of silk I'd ever. Long before I knew, I was sleep.

In the midst of my slumber I continue to replay my memories in my dreams. The repetition of guns firing ring in my head as if they were fresh in this moment as I tossed and turned. The fire burning my eyes as the fuel further aids the house be engulfed by the flames. The panic and heart break all rush all over me. Then I hear more shots. The news reporter talking. More shots. Then I wake in fear as I was revealed in my dream where my brother's and father's bodies laid dead filled with gunshot wounds. I turn to my side to see my mother sitting Indian style next me pulling the slide back on the 22 caliber pistol, making sure that it was unloaded.

"What are you doing with this?" She asked looking intrigued.

I didn't answer. I knew how to, but words wouldn't formulate. She marveled at the pistol as if she was looking for something on it. She cracked a smile as she pulled the slide back then foward to pull it completely off. She then removed the spring and barrel and looked inside. She continued to smile. Not angry.

"When I turned 21 your father gave me this for my birthday.... 'forever in your heart, I will always be'. How that man got this engraved in the inside this tiny space of this gun was beyond me." my mother said as she giggles taking a trip down memory lane.

"I'd never thought I'd see this again, him or you for that matter. He told me a loooooong time ago, if there was every any trouble he'd send for me, I just wish he actually did."

I remain quiet as continues to talk.

"I heard you screaming in your sleep. I thought something was happening to you. I came in and watched over.... I didn't realize how much this would hurt you. Did you see them die?" She asks as she reassemble the pistol back to its original state.

I shake my head no.

"So you were just there as it happened?"

I nod.

"You should get try and get some sleep."

She stands up and exits the room before closing the door, blows me a kiss farewell. For some reason, it knocks me out and puts me right asleep.