And Yet I Still Smile

Chapter 6 - Worth It

Andrew

"Well done, everyone. I think we've got it. Get some water and rest for a bit. Service starts in fifteen minutes," Pastor Rich tells us choir members and Bradley at the piano.

After practicing this new song for over a month, we've finally got it right. This morning will be the debut. Singing has always been something I enjoyed, but before my change, it was always heavy metal or rock music. Angry, hateful music that fueled my rage and thirst for violence. I still enjoy rock music, but I've found Christian rock to be more satisfying, more meaningful.

Choir is neither of those things. Hymns, psalms, and spiritual songs as Pastor refers to them are what we sing. Bradley plays uplifting melodies that praise and honor God while we choir members harmonize together. It's not something I would have ever pictured myself enjoying, but I love it. I love creating something beautiful.

From under my choir chair, I pull out my water bottle and take a sip. Facing the congregation, I take in the scene before me. The sanctuary is only half full at the moment with most of the members still chatting in the parking lot as they do when the weather is nice. The Sunday morning sunlight is filtering through the stained-glass windows on the right side of the room casting fractals of colored light across the floor and seating.

My eyes follow the fractals until they stop at the feet of the girl I love. Sophie dressed in her Sunday best is quite the sight. She started dressing up for church shortly after we decided to be a couple. As a member of the choir, I'm required to dress nicely. A button-down shirt and tie are minimum, a jacket is preferred. Sophie, on the other hand, is choosing to dress up. She claims she feels out of place in street clothes.

I'm certainly not complaining. Her purple knee-length dress is form-fitting at the waist, but flowing from the hips down. It's both innocently modest and deviously flattering and it drives me wild.

I watch her as she talks with the single mom who has recently started attending. Sophie's neighbor lost her husband about a year ago in a freak boating accident. The loss left her to raise four young children alone. Sophie worked hard for months to get Tammy to come to church, insisting the church could help her with food and clothing donations and just overall support.

With no other children regularly attending our church there were no classes or programs in place for them when they first arrived. But my Sophie was prepared. I'm not sure how long she had been planning a children's class, but the morning Tammy arrived with her children Sophie approached Pastor with a lesson plan and a request to teach them in the unused classroom downstairs.

Her love and kindness toward others is what first drew me to her and it's what keeps me falling over and over again. She loves wholeheartedly. Watching her with those children does something to me.

I've never had a desire to be a father. How could I when my own was such a piece of trash? But Sophie was made to be a mother. I can see it in her eyes when she talks to the children, the way her face lights up when she makes one of them smile, and the way she looks close to tears when she holds the smallest one, only an infant, in her arms. I know it's a long way away, but one day, she will be an amazing mom.

A rough voice pulls my attention away from my angel. "Hey, boy, you haven't called. What, you too good for yard work?" Sophie's grandfather, Nikolaus, grunts at me.

Great, just what I need. I was hoping the old man would forget about the yard work his wife suggested I do for them a few nights ago at dinner. I'm not opposed to hard labor; I do yard work for my mom all the time. I just don't want to spend a day working under his scrutiny.

"No, sir. Didn't want to bother you on your work days. Figured I'd talk to you..."

"Planning on talking to me about it today instead of calling me sooner, eh? Yeah, I've given that lie a time or two in my lifetime. You can't fool me, boy. You're lazy."