Flickering Shadows

Chapter 15

Wait, what?

Ohhhh, I said that last statement out loud. That's not good. Now I'm losing my ability to differentiate between thinking and speaking.

"I think I may be kind of loopy," I mumble, my words slurring on the edges.

He brushes a stray hair from forehead, and the contact makes me shiver.

"It's just the effects of the drug," he explains. "I promise nothing you say right now will be held against you tomorrow."

His lips twitch, and I eye him skeptically. "Did you just make a joke?"

He nods proudly. "Why yes I did. It felt quite good actually."

I smile, but then a soft gasp leaves my mouth as he traces my lips.

"Since you've professed your love of my hair and eyes, I think it's only fair that I tell you I might be obsessed with your smile. You should really make it less intoxicating. You'll drive a man crazy."

I hold his eyes, a light grin still on my lips as I whisper, "Just one man."

My limbs tense at the boldness, eyes turning down so I don't witness the anger in his gaze. But then I make myself relax, reminding my brain that he won't hurt us.

Aziel's finger drifts down until he has a gentle grasp on my chin, tilting it so our eyes connect.

"Do you enjoy driving me mad? Does the sight of me in shambles alure you?"

His voice is gruff and grating, and goodness if it doesn't make me wanna jump him right here.

Excuse me, where did that thought come from?

I swallow as I hold his eyes. The intensity in them is almost too much but also not enough. I want more. I want all of him.

I grip the hand that's holding my chin and tug.

His gaze turns surprised, but he quickly complies, climbing into his bed beside me.

I don't know where this boldness is coming from, but I don't think it will stay, so I'm definitely abusing it.

I hook my knee on his hip before swinging myself to a straddling position. I have absolutely no idea what's going on, but I do know that I wanna be close to him.

His hands come to rest on my thighs as a look of regret washes through his eyes.

"Love, as tempting as this position is, you aren't sober, and I will not take advantage of you just because you aren't aware of what's happening."

Panic clogs my throat.

"I am aware," I promise. "Very aware."

He smiles softly. "No, you are not. I don't know what you're hyped up on, but I do know that you aren't yourself. We aren't doing anything right now."

I go to protest, but all of sudden I can't talk. I don't think it was panic clogging my throat...

I barely have time to scramble off Aziel and rush into the bathroom before my stomach hurls itself into the toilet.

My head pounds with the force of which everything inside my body comes rushing up my throat.

Gentle hands are suddenly brushing the hair back from my face, holding it in a fist as I heave and cough into the toilet.

"That's it," Aziel murmurs as he rubs my back with the hand not holding my hair. "Just get it all out."

I'm suddenly crystal clearly aware of everything I just did under the influence of whatever was coursing through my veins. It made me bold in a way I never want to be again.

I was practically forcing myself on him... Goodness, I can't even imagine how upset he is.

I gag for an entirely different reason, trying and failing to bring more fluid up. I have nothing left. Even my pride lays in a mangled heap on the floor. I wish I could join it. We would sink into the black marble tiles and be forgotten together.

It doesn't happen, and instead of chastising me as I expect, Aziel scoops me into his arms and walks back to the bed. My head gives a sharp protest at the movement, but I don't make a single sound as he lightly places me back on the pillows.

He disappears back in the bathroom for a moment before coming back with a white little pill and a glass of water.

"Here," he says, handing them to me. "I know you won't admit it, but I bet you have a raging headache. This is pain medication. It should help you within a couple minutes."

I place the pill on my tongue and gulp down the entire glass of water, grateful when the foul taste of vomit leaves my mouth. I set the glass on the nightstand before my hands start to wring themselves inside and out.

"I'm really sorry," I whisper. "That was incredibly inappropriate, and I know I deserve a-"

"Punishment?" He interrupts with a serious look.

I gulp, nodding my head gravely.

He looks to be contemplating something before he asks, "And what kind of punishment should it be?"

My brows dip. "W-what?"

He raises his eyebrows. "What kind of punishment should I inflict?"

My mouth opens and closes several times, trying to find words that aren't there.

"I personally think a good nights rest and a walk through my gardens tomorrow is a great way to teach you a lesson."

My brain freezes before melting into a puddle. "I'm sorry?"

He sits beside me on the bed, grabbing my chin and forcing my eyes to merge with his.

"I am not punishing you for something you had no control over," he murmurs. "I will not punish you ever. Period. You could light my kingdom on fire and I would only ask where you wanted a new one built. You are not my subject, Inara, you are my queen."

I blink so many times that my eyelids twitch. "But what I was suggesting was-"

"Something I would love to experience with you when you're sober," he interrupts again. "You basically spoke my thoughts out loud. My only hesitation was your fogged mind."

My heart skips, dancing on clouds that shouldn't be there.

I try to think of something, anything, to say, but I draw blank in every direction.

At my silence, Aziel only smiles before saying, "You need to sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up."

I'm too exhausted to even argue.

I can't help noticing, though, that even though the drugs are long gone in that toilet, I don't completely regret what I did.

A sudden thought comes into focus, sharp and clear.

I want Aziel.

I would love to know what you think of the story so far!