Electricityscape |-/ Tyler Joseph Fic

chapter eighteen part twø

I eventually woke up in a hospital bed yet again. I rubbed my eye and ran my fingers through my hair as I opened my eyes to see Tyler, Josh, and . . .

Shit. My mom.

"Oh, god," I muttered, the tears coming forth already. I was sobbing really hard when my mom came over and just gave me a hug.

"I'm not angry," she whispered.

"Y--you're not?" I had figured that around the third time committing suicide, she'd be more fed up than she was.

"Of course not. I'm just really sorry."

Then Carly walked into the room. "Hey, kiddo."

My mom walked away as I wiped my face dry. "Hi."

"Someone requested to see me?"

I knew I didn't, so I looked over at Tyler, who's face was red.

"I did, but, um. I suppose I could ask her mom, or . . ." He paused. "Can we talk outside?"

"Of course."

Every nerve in my body was begging him to look at me, but he didn't. He just walked right past as if he were embarrassed to be seen with me. And it hurt.

Then my mom was sort of glaring at me. "I just don't understand. You're on so many drugs, and they should be working, and you could have such a worse life so I don't see why you want to end yours."

I couldn't believe my ears. "Just . . . go away," I said calmly.

"No, you need to explain to me why--"

"I just want to die, okay? I am in so much pain that I can't take it anymore, and I would rather die than keep going."

"That's not--"

"Get out." I had snapped.

She didn't say anything as she stood up and stormed out.

And then Josh was just sitting on the couch, looking scared and awkward. "Do you want me to . . .?" He pointed towards the door.

I closed my eyes. "Whatever, man. Just let me talk to Tyler, okay?"

I heard him walk out and close the door, so I opened my eyes and let myself cry for a while. Just everything about the situation sucked. But I remembered something that Tyler had said a long while ago, and it made me feel a little better. I grabbed my phone and scrolled through it for a while until I heard the door open, and saw Tyler walk in.

"Hey, Liz," he whispered, as if his voice didn't work too well.

I bit my lip. "Hey, Ty."

He walked slowly towards me and then sat on the edge of my bed. "You okay?"

I nodded, but I wasn't okay. I felt guilty as hell. "I'm just . . . I'm so sorry, Tyler, I don't know what I was thinking, I--"

"Shh." He put his hand on mine. "It's in the past, okay? Let's just . . . let's just move past this and start over, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay."

He stroked my hand with his thumb for a while.

Then it dawned on me that I hadn't told him about the decline in my lung function. "Did she tell you what's going on?" I asked, referring to Carly.

He just nodded.

"Mmkay."

"I just keep thinking about what you said before the transplant," I said quietly.

"What's that?"

"You said things would turn out, and I asked what I would do if they didn't. You just told me that I would live my life to the fullest while I still could and not have any regrets."

He nodded again.

"And I don't want you guys to just throw me this pity party for the next few months I have, okay?" I asked. "We have to do stuff together. I don't want to mope around in my room feeling sorry for myself for the rest of my life."

He nodded once again, this time with a small smile.

I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry for putting you through all of this," I said quietly.

Tyler shook his head. "Don't be. You gave me the option to leave, and I stayed. I know what I signed up for. And it's worth it if it means being with you."

I was sobbing on the inside. I hadn't heard anybody say anything like that to me in my entire life. And it felt really, really good. I couldn't resist from leaning over and giving him a kiss. I held my bandaged hand against the side of his face and brushing my thumb against his cheek.

Finally I pulled away and whispered, "I love you, TJ."

He smiled and kissed me again. "I love you, too."