Electricityscape |-/ Tyler Joseph Fic

chapter eleven

4 hours and 9 minutes after falling asleep, I woke up from a vicious nightmare. I dreamed that they cut me open and tore out my lungs, but they forgot to anesthetize me and I was awake for the whole thing. It was so gory, and it was so painful. And it was so real.

I was screaming in protest, but they just kept holding me down. It wasn't until I heard Josh's voice that I realized that he and Tyler were the ones holding me down, and that they were trying to stop me from hurting myself. Tyler was saying my name repeatedly, trying to bring me back into reality, and as soon as I saw him I stopped moving.

And then I just broke down in tears. Tyler helped me sit up, and I clung to him like a cat clings to driftwood in a river. I was so scared, and I couldn't stop shaking, and I felt horrible for probably scaring the daylights out of him.

"I'm getting her some water," Josh told Tyler as he stood up and hurried upstairs.

I forced myself to slow down my breathing, inhaling for 4 counts and exhaling for 8. It was hard, though, since my breath kept hitching in my throat like it does when I cry.

Tyler held me in his arms and rocked me back and forth, his cheek pressed to the top of my head and his voice telling me that I was awake that that I was okay.

Finally I stopped shaking. I closed my eyes and tried to let my muscles relax, and it worked fairly well.

"You okay?" Tyler asked me.

I nodded. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

He just shook his head and kissed my forehead for 3 seconds. "Don't apologize. You're fine."

I nodded again and wrapped my arms around him, taking a deep breath of that hoodie smell.

Josh returned with two bottles of water, one of which he gave to me, and the other he set by my backpack.

I wasn't thirsty, but I forced myself to drink at least a third of the bottle. I felt like I was going to throw up, but I kept everything down. I had trouble breathing, then realized I wasn't hooked up to my oxygen anymore. "Where's my cannula?" I asked weakly.

"Here." Tyler handed it to me, then helped me put it back on. "You can go back to sleep, Josh," he said.

"You sure?" Josh asked.

I nodded, taking deep breaths of my sweet, sweet oxygen.

Neither Tyler and I said anything for 11 minutes until he asked, "Are you going back to sleep?"

"Yeah," I whispered. It wasn't true, but I wanted him to try and sleep, at least.

"Okay." He wrapped a blanket around the two of us and laid down with me, just holding my hand instead of wrapping his arms around me. I felt a wave of guilt come over me, because this must've meant I hurt him when he was holding me as I woke up.

37 minutes later, when I was sure Tyler was asleep, I carefully let go of his hand and gingerly stood up, bringing my backpack with me as I walked to the patio door and stepped outside.

It was dark and cold and foggy, and I could hear frogs and birds from the nearby pond in the forest. I sat down on the pavement and leaned back against the house, then took off my cannula and tossed it aside. For once, I just wanted fresh air instead of oxygen. And it smelled really good, too. I closed my eyes and pictured all the life and nature that produced such a scent, and it sent me back to when I was a kid and lived in the country.

Eventually I longed for being in the treehouse again, so I stood up and walked into the woods. I was barefoot and didn't have any pants on, but it was okay. It was a little cold, but it felt good, like Mother Nature sending me a reality check.