Mercy & Fire

22. Revenge and Justice

Somehow, I inwardly knew the name. Moherav was the Queen who so desperately hid her name from every living soul.

"She was an abomination born of man and fallen divine creatures without a soul, incapable of proper morality or human emotion. Everything these creatures do is for their own evil pleasures, and you were her particular obsession. Just like how she set her own adoptive family on fire as a child, she planned to drag you down to the fire of hades." He told me. "This I did not allow. For all of her crimes against me, I poured out my judgment on her."

I grit my teeth, "Then why did you allow everything else to happen?"

"There is so much you will learn as you go. For now, I have an assignment for you."

Questioning why I should go along with his words, I felt a push within me, reminding me that this person killed the queen without even needing to be there in the flesh. He humbled her and released me from her grip, and I owed him for that. If what he was speaking before about having helped me on the battlefield was true, I owed him a lot more than I could ever give him.

I wound up nodding, "A soldier does the will of his commander."

I just hoped this wouldn't bite me in the *ss later.

Having received my assignment, I felt the ground give out from under me, and the impulse of falling had me opening my eyes and gasping for air. I peered up at the curtains of the canopied bed of my room and pressed a hand to the mattress.

Usually, I'd have dreams of that same white rabbit running through the forest again and again. Every time, she'd escape me by a hair's width and leave me mourning the loss. At other times, it was Roselena herself running in her white dress, making me think that her death had been an illusion in my imagination. I much preferred today's dream.

The smell of flowers was long gone, and the warmth of light was replaced with the cold temperature of the approaching winter. I'd survived the freezing temperatures while in battle, so I was a bit muted to it. It still made my skin prickle as I pulled the covers off and sat on the edge of the bed.

Upon my orders, no one came up to assist me in the morning. It felt wrong to have anyone other than Roselena at my side, almost as if I were betraying her in some way. Though she wouldn't care. I doubted she harbored any affection for me even when she was alive. Now it didn't matter.

Grief never changed, but this time, it dug into my skin especially deep. It worsened when I was in the midst of investigating the murder of the queen and Roselena. Of course, the queen's murder took precedence simply on the basis that she was a queen, but I didn't need to know any more than what I'd just learned in my sleep. The god of the Templemen had waged war, and I was his soldier now.

Only difference now was that I felt an odd sense of freedom. There were no screeching familiars in my head, no thirst for blood, and no easily excitable anger and wrath within me. I could still feel the undercurrent of bitterness against Dhernon within me, but it was much more controlled and calculated than it had been before.

I pulled on a white cotton shirt, brushing my knuckles over the thick scar that had once reminded me of the price I had to pay for my life. Now, it just reminded me that there was nothing for me to pay.

I didn't understand this god. I didn't understand why he allowed evil in the world or why he did the things he did, but I knew he was way more powerful than any of the mages I was forced to see everyday. Besides, I never claimed to be a good man. I'd killed and indulged in the bloodshed. Sometimes, I felt overwhelming guilt, especially when I murdered that child's mother.

I was so sure I had no redemption, but if this god was offering me restoration, I'd take that over what the queen and the mages of Dhernon had offered me.