Mercy & Fire

13. Point of No Return

Rovan

Melodic whistles and rustling leaves fluttered around my ears as I opened my eyes to vibrant greens and blues. I stood in the middle of a sunlit forest, and I swore I could feel a pulse in the dirt under my feet. It felt like a heartbeat, as if the forest itself was a living, breathing creature.

The sound of roots snapping and shifting caught my attention. Right in front of me, a line of bushes moved themselves to the side, revealing a small dirt path. I moved toward the path, registering the loudening sound of turning pages floating in with a small breeze.

An unfamiliar sense of peace I only ever felt as a young boy settled in my chest, and as I continued down the path, I felt a cold drop of water fall on my white shirt. I looked down  in confusion and then craned my neck to the sky and didn't see one cloud in the sky past the blanket of tree tops. I felt a warm trickle of water exit the corner of my eye back into my hair, and only then did I realize I was crying.

It had been so long since I'd felt this way, and I savored every moment of it, rubbing my tears away with the sleeves of my shirt. Then the sound of something shaking the bushes behind me made me turn.

Blinking my eyes, I met Roselena, who tilted her head in concern. She was dressed in an odd, white cloak with a large hood on the back, and aside from her face, everything about her seemed unfamiliar.

"Why are you crying?"

I rushed to wipe my tears faster, feeling the urge to deny that I was crying.

"I'm not crying."

She smiled, "Stubborn since the day you were born... I thought taking the form of the woman you fancy would foster some cooperation, but I guess I was wrong."

My face grew hot, "I don't fancy her."

She laughed, "Like I said, stubborn."

It was unnerving to see Roselena's face  laughing and smiling liberally like that around me.

"My name is Elan. I was assigned to you from the day you were conceived to take account of every action and decision you make." She beckoned me to follow after her.

We reached a clearing that felt oddly familiar. There was a large tree trunk with shrubs all around it. The shrubs shook a little bit until a small white, rabbit jumped out with leaves in its mouth. I pointed at it, and then at Elan with an  accusatory finger. "These dreams were because of you?"

Elan winced, "Can't take credit for any dreams you've had. I'm just here to follow the orders of the Most High."

"I don't know who that is, nor do I care." I relaxed when I saw she had no idea what I was talking about.

She looked at me pointedly, "You want to know who he is. He's the only person standing between you and my sword."

That sounded rather threatening.

"What?"

"You're a murderer. Selfish. Irreverent. Stubborn. Prideful –" With each finger she counted, she seemed to look more and more tired. "A diviner. Lustful. A thief and a liar. Disrespectful to your mother. And I'd have to look at my long, long list to remember the rest."

She reached into her pocket and began to pull out a strange thin paper, "And I would go through it but we'd be here a long while. Either way, the price to pay for those transgressions is death."

I narrowed my eyes, "There are circumstances and people that have made me that way."

She tilted her head, "And I'm sure their own watchers have recorded their wrongdoings as I have yours. The amount of people you've wronged would make even the dark one proud."

She seemed a little self-righteous as she continued, "Nothing excuses any human for their actions. We all have choices to make, and humans are just drawn to the wrong ones like moths to a flame."

I crossed my arms and stared at her indifferently. "Why are you here?"

She smiled, "I was hoping I'd inspire some self-reflection, but it's like talking to a rock. Anywho, I'm here to tell you that the clock of your life is ticking."

The sound of a ticking clock echoed through the forest, making my crossed arms weaken a little. She reached back into her pocket and retrieved a small scroll. She unrolled it and cleared her throat.

"'The deal you made with the darklings is only a temporary fix that will surely drag you down to hades. But if you humble yourself and call out to Me, I will surely help you.' says the Most High." She finished and pocketed the scroll.

She gave me a look, "You have a great calling on your life. Don't waste it."

Then I plummeted back into consciousness. I sat up from where I lay face up, gasping for air. I looked around expecting to see Elan in Roselena's form standing around, but instead, I was met with the aftermath of what my familiar's had done.

(!) The familiar taste of copper settled on my tongue, and the smell of blood was heavy in the air. I lifted my hands before me only to see dried, crusted blood coating them.

The room was small, and it appeared to be a master bedroom. Blood was splattered on the walls;  some seemed to have dripped down from their original landing down to the floor. My eyes followed the smears down to the ground where I could see the traces of scratches on the floor.

They lead to a small body whose face was covered by long hair matted with blood. I forced myself to catalog everything my hands had done as I did in times past and clenched my jaw.

My  hands began to tremble as I pushed myself up, stumbling toward the mirror on a small vanity that belonged to the woman. My feet disturbed the pools and puddles of blood on the floor until finally I stood before the mirror.

My clothes were soaked in blood and adorned with pieces of flesh stuck to some areas. My face had the splashes of blood dried over it.

This is the real you. Accept it. Embrace it.

The voices were quiet in my head after saying this,  satisfied and in awe of their work. I grit my teeth and looked away. Then the sound of a baby crying somewhere in the home registered. My heart dropped.

I followed the sound of the crying child until I made it to the room next to hers. A small wooden bassinet stood at the center of the room, and as I neared it, I could see the red face of a baby exerting force with every cry.

The baby boy looked to be around 4 months old, and obviously, still needed his mother. When he saw me, he didn't know to be scared of me. Instead he reached for me through his tears.

I lifted him up and tried to soothe him like I did to Evelyn when she was an infant.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered as I bounced him softly.

Standing there with his mother's blood on my hands, I reached the point of no return.

My mother's words echoed in my head. I didn't just become my father. I was worse.

Then Elan's words rushed through my mind, and my eyes looked up with a sudden awareness that she may be anywhere in this room. The rational part of my mind told me it was just a dream, but the mere mention of the name Elan made the voices in my head roar. I winced at their ferocity and hatred of the name as I looked down at the sleeping child.

If the watcher's name was enough for the voices to go wild, I knew it was much more than just a vivid dream.

I moved quickly to search through the house until I found a suitable basket to take the child inconspicuously. I placed his sleeping form in the basket and covered him with a blanket. I exited the back of the house into the darkness, and paused to rub my fingers together, lighting a fire. I blew on my finger and caused the fire to flow like an angry dragon onto the house.

As the house began to burn, I wished I could burn along with it.