The Moon and the Sun (the Universe in your eyes) [hyunchansung]

Chapter 2.2

Jisung was fighting his tears, but the anger didn't subside. Once alone, Chan approached him carefully and stopped short of touching his face.

"Can I touch you?"

Jisung nodded and as soon as Chan's hands cupped his cheeks, he started bawling.

As always, Chan was there to pick up the pieces of his broken soul. Jisung was eternally grateful.

Sometimes, though, when he felt particularly down, he couldn't help thinking that if it weren't for Chan, maybe Hyunjin and him would get along.

It always made him feel terrible, but it was true.

He could hardly imagine his life without Chan, though. Chan was his whole life, his purpose, but he was also the cause of his suffering. Jisung never told him, of course, how could he drop such a burden on him? But Yet he craved to share his feelings and open up to him more.

"Take a deep breath, Jisungie," Chan told him gently.

His thumb stroked his face, whipping the tears as they fell on his skin. Jisung tried to cover his face, but Chan pressed him against his shoulder instead. Jisung cried his heart out for a few minutes until he managed to catch his breath.

"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I... I don't know," Jisung whispered between his hiccups.
"What happened?"
"I can't stand him!" Jisung cried out.
"Did Hyunjin do anything?" Chan asked, knowing that despite how easily things could go wrong between them, it rarely reached such extreme.
"He... It doesn't matter. I can't stand the sight of him."
"Jisungie, tell hyung what happened. Maybe I can help?"
"No, he... I mean yes, but it's not just today... it's... him being him! Every time he talks, his attitude and all... I want to punch him and run away as far as possible."

Chan let out a small sigh. He was used to it by now, he should have, but it still hurt to see them fight all the time. He knew they loudly declared they were archenemy months ago, but he wished they could get along when he knew both were good at heart.

"Jisung, I know Hyunjin hurt you, but I doubt he did it out of spite. He is a good person."

Jisung detached himself from Chan and dropped into one of the chairs in the corner of the room.

"No. He's not. It's not... He is always like that. He goes around telling people I attack him, and when I react, he acts as if I'm hurting him for no reason. Then of fucking course, I'm the one who gets a lecture from Changbin as if this fucker didn't start it half of the time. He's always criticising me and no matter what I do, it's never enough. Even today, before you called, he criticised my dance, but do you think he'd say it to my face? No, of course, he tells Jeongin or Seungmin and now he's even closer to Jeongin than I used to because he keeps shitting on me."

Jisung rested his head against his right hand and closed his eyes, then rubbed his face to get his thoughts back in place. No matter how hard he looked, he didn't understand. He didn't understand why Hyunjin was so harsh with him and he didn't understand why it hurt so bad every single time.

Even today, was it that bad?

He should be used to this kind of dig by now. Realistically, he knew it was true, but he didn't want Hyunjin to throw it at his face. He didn't to hear that he wasn't enough. He already knew. No matter how much he tried, it was useless. His efforts were invisible. As they often were, and no one was helping him to make it different.

Chan sat beside him, pressing a reassuring hand against his thighs but keeping his distance to avoid invading his space too quickly.

"Jisung," Chan whispered. "Stop making such a face."

Chan pressed his fingers softly between his eyebrows to force him to relax his face like one would do with a kid. And maybe this was how Chan truly saw him, like a kid.

"I'll talk to Hyunjin and ask him for an explanation. He owes you an apology for today, but you both need a serious conversation. I hope you can solve your issues and start working together."
"You don't understand, hyung. I don't want to solve things, I don't want to see him. I can't! I can't handle it anymore." Jisung's voice broke and he swallowed the tears that threatened to fall once again.
"Shh, breathe baby, it's okay. We can work it out. Trust hyung."
"It's not okay! I hate him!" Jisung screamed. " I hate him so much. Why him? Can't you just... choose someone else? Didn't you want to work with John? or Yao Chen? Or like... I don't know... anyone but him, please"

Chan smiled softly while stroking his hair reassuringly.

"John is leaving. We talked about it. And Yao Chen is not ready."
"But maybe you can talk to him about it? John would listen to you."
"John made his decision, and I won't interfere. Besides, I think Hyunjin fits in the team in a way John wouldn't have."
"I... hyung, please? Anyone but him..."
"I thought about it for longer than you can imagine, Jisung. I know it's hard for you, but Hyunjin... he isn't as bad as you think and I want him in my team, too."
"Please, hyung..."
"You were fine with him before? I even heard you were hanging out. What happened?"

"That was before I noticed he was enamoured with you, too. Before I knew he'd be able to take you away from me and leave my heart broken; leave me all alone. Again," Jisung thought, unable to say the words out loud. He couldn't spill his feelings so suddenly after so long keeping the safe and sound in his heart. Chan deserved better.

"I truly believe you two can shine on stage. You probably don't see it, but you have your strengths and weaknesses, yet when you're performing together, it doesn't matter anymore. You fit so well together, you know?"

It felt like a bucket of cold water and Jisung's breathing stopped for a second. Chan's words made him want to throw up. They rang like a bell in the back of his head, mixing up with Hyunjin's previous. "We're the same."; "He might not be interested in me, but it doesn't mean he loves you either." True, Chan was treating them the same. They were both kids he decided to take under his wing and nurture to realise his dream.

From the beginning, he didn't have a chance with Chan.

If he couldn't have Chan the way his heart craved, the best Jisung could do now was make sure Hyunjin wouldn't either. He would do anything to be sure Hyunjin and Chan would never get too close.

"Keep your friends close; keep your enemies closer," the saying goes, and Jisung decided he needed to follow the principles.

If he couldn't keep Hyunjin away from Chan, Jisung would make sure to always be in the middle.