poems/qoutes/thoughts

Affection - part 1

I love affection

It's like a soft fluff that you can hold

You can carry it forever and it will never go

But sometimes . . .

Affection hurts

I Don't know why

It's not suppose to hurt and it's not like you can get too much right?

But people say you can always get too less

So why does it hurt when I get more?

Shouldn't I be happy for at least getting affection in the first place?

Some people don't even get it at all

Kisses on my forehead

Kisses on my skin

Ew I hate it but I never hated it before

Hugs from the side

Hugs from the front or the back

Ew I hate it but I can't , I'm not supposed to

Because they all say "affection is great"

However

For me it's a struggle

One minute I want your love

And the next , I demand you go away

My parents tell me they love me and I smile back

But then I do something wrong and they say it . . . Why didn't they stab me in the back?

Possible influence from the internet causing me to have a sudden fear of rape

NO

You must not talk about that

Then there's acting as if you have no emotions and can not show affection

Sometimes I just stand there with a still face

They say I'm a "deer in headlights"

Maybe that's true

But for me it's more just "look at me. Look at me. I'm hurting and I'm trying to tell you"

So is affection good or bad?

Why does it hurt? Why does it lie?

Some people get it , some people don't

I should feel lucky , I should be happy , I should smile and feel grateful but I'm tired of faking these emotions

I'm tired of taking these Hugs and kisses like I WANT them . . .

I Don't

Please ask before you touch me

Before you hug me

Before you kiss me

Before you say you love me

I may seem strong on the outside but on the inside there's a battle

A couple demons with demands and fear

And they fear that you'll rape me

They fear that I'll get hurt from too much love

If that's even a thing , so if it is . . .

Please be cautious

I'm a fragile thing and I'm no longer afraid to admit it