Finding Hope

Chapter9

Levi

party startes at 6

dont be shy

*Insert Emily's address*

;) see ya Goldie

I had been trying, and failing, to have dinner with my parents when my phone went off, three new text messages appeared, all from Missy. My mother immediately looked at me with disapproval as I read them. Why does she look so pissed, it's not like any of us were trying to talk with each other. It's been dead silent all throughout dinner.

I open the the text to reply to Missy, and say I can't make it, but my mother interrupted.

"Levi put your phone away or ill take it away for the rest of the week." Said the witch,her cheeks were red with anger as I fearfully put my phone down. Something in my head was telling me to rebel against her and gain some control over my life.

Instead I put my phone down like she asked. I knew she would happily take away my phone, you never assume she wont do something she says she will do.

I swear I can't get a break from her, she has been watching every little thing I do like a hawk all my life.

I have had no down time all weekend and can't seem to get away from her. I had been showering yesterday morning when she came barging in, claiming I had been in there too long and she didn't want me to be doing anything inappropriate.

Like come on, it had been a little over ten minutes and I was just showering; if I had been trying to jack off just let me. What's the big deal anyway?

I think my dad coughed to get my attention, but I wasn't really paying much attention to him.

I poke around at my food that sits cold on my plate. I hadn't been all that hungry tonight, something about anxiety not mixing well with my appetite I guess. After church this morning and having my mother scolding me profusely about not having my tie, my stomach has been in knots. It feels like there is this heavy weight on my chest, yet my body feels abnormally light, all at once.

It's nauseating.

"Son," my dad spoke, breaking me out of my daze. "After you're done, put your dish in the sink, your mom will wash them all tonight." My dad said, noticing I haven't touched my food for the past eight minutes or so. I nodded and left the table thankful to finally be excused.

The plate makes a dreadful 'clink' sound as I drop it into the damp sink, making me cringe. I hated that sound.

Fucking hell was I tired, and when I say tired I don't mean I'm sleepy. What I really mean is that I am tired of life. I'm tired of my overbearing mother. I'm tired of my sexist and homophobic father. I'm tired of not having any escape from them.

I'm tired of living. And one of these days I'm going to run out of excuses to continue. Just wait, one day I'll decide that death will be less heart breaking.

I flop down onto my bed with a sigh and turn on my phone, the messages Missy sent staring at me. Would my parents even notice I'm gone?

They usually check on me before they go to bed around eight. Maybe I could wait till they're asleep, but would I give a bad impression to Missy by coming late? I could always text her and hope she isn't upset, that's not a half bad idea.

Just give her a little heads up.

I start typing, 'I'll be there at 8.' But deleted it all before I got to the third 'e'. It sounds like I'm talking to a drug dealer, trying to decide on a pick up time.

That won't do.

maybe that's a sign that I shouldn't go, 'Can't go, my parents said no.' Fucking hell, know I sound like a baby. Why are conversations so hard?

I feel pathetic.

Okay Levi, you're going to that party. You need to get away from your parents, even if it's just for an hour. You need to be away from them. Just tell Missy the truth, she's nice. She will understand, and if she doesn't you can avoid her for the rest of the year.

my parents go to bed a little after 8

ill sneak out then

didnt know you had it in you to disobey your parents Golden Boy

Don't get your hopes up, I thought. It's going to be a long few hours till my parents go to bed

...

My heart was racing as I heard my parents door close, it felt like the click of the lock echoed through the entire house. My mom had just left my room after checking on me, I had to lay still and try to breathe normally. It took a lot to not freak out.

Crap, was I really about to do this? Actively break one of my mothers biggest rules and go to a party, a party I know is most definitely supplied with alcohol? I will be in deep shit if they find out. I could feel my hands start to shake as I got out of my bed.

I'm a dead man. Don't get caught. I'm a dead man. Don't get caught.

I whispered that to myself like it was my mantra, a prayer to god, my motto for the next few hours.

In all fairness I was right to be worried. I've never been to a party, not even to a birthday party. I had no idea what was going to happen tonight, I just hoped this party would be less crazy than the ones in the movies.

I took in a shake breath as I walked over to my closet. I had neatly folded my outfit for tonight and put it on one of the shelves, black jeans and a gray t-shirt with a picture of an old car printed on the front. It was an old shirt and the car was starting to fade off, not that I minded.

It made the shirt unique and gave it a nice aesthetic. I kinda like the grunge look, my mother would kill me if I wore this in public. Actually, she would kill me if she knew I still had this faded gray shirt. At least I can wear what I want once I leave this house in a few minutes.

I look around my room and start to panic, it's quickly approaching eight o'clock and I still haven't figured out how to leave. Clearly I can't just walk out the front door, so the window maybe? The second floor of the house isn't that high up so that could work.

Then again, how would I get back inside? I surely can't jump high enough to get back up here.

Fuck it.

I need to stop worrying, I'll figure it out later, for now I just need to get to Emily's and not disappoint my potential-friends.

I open my window and start to climb out. One by one I set my feet down on the roof below my window, my. Legs felt weak and shaky and my palms were gross and sweaty. Ew.

Maybe I should take my sketch book? that will give me something to do with my hands, and hopefully calm me down. As I turn around and duck to climb back through the window, I hit my head on the glass, forgetting to open it back up.

I could feel my cheeks redden. How embarrassing, at least no one saw that happen.

With the window open this time, I make my way back into my room and grab my art book and a pencil with trembling hands. Tonight could either go great, or to shit.

***

I was going to write about the actual party in this chapter, but it's getting too long and I want to go in depth with the party.

Ngl, I just did not edit this chapter so please point out any and all mistakes so they can be fixed.

Have a great Day/Night Peeps! <3

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