Conversations in the dark

Dont tell my boyfriend its not what hes made for

When did it end?
             All the enjoyment
I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend
      It's not what he's made for
What was I made for?

Tk stood in Carlos's bathroom brushing his teeth as he got ready for work when he felt hands wrap around his waist .. Carlos rested his head on his shoulder before placing a few kisses into the crook of his neck

"What are you doing ." Tk laughed " admiring how perfect my boyfriend is." Carlos smiled in the mirror at Tk " Not to mention how hot you look in one of my tees ." Carlos said he liked how big it was on Tk and how cuddly Tk looked when he wore it

" do you have to go to work ?" Carlos whined as Tk spit in the sink " I know I don't want to either ."  Tk said turning around when Tk turned around Carlos lifted him onto the countertop

"Be careful cowboy you might start something that you can't finish," Tk said putting his finger on Carlos's lips

"When are you gonna let me give you a key?" Carlos said rubbing Tk's thighs "Never." Tk said, "Why not ." Carlos said, "Because." Tk said leaving his answer up for interpretation

"Okay well, would you at least leave something more than a toothbrush and your uniform here ?" Carlos said as Tk changed Tk didn't respond

" please ." Carlos said tilting Tk's chin up "Maybe." Tk said before kissing Carlos

"Maybe I'll stop by during your shift and bring some lunch ?" Carlos said softly " I'd like that ." Tk said, "I have to go ." Tk said

They had some calls nothing too hectic just some minor cuts and other simple calls when medical came back they sat in the kitchen but not long after someone came strolling into the station

"Hey, Carlos !" Paul said, " thought I would stop by and drop some lunch off ." Carlos smiled as he put it on the counter "Hey you ." Carlos said before kissing Tk's head none of the team knew that they were a thing yet some audible gasps were made "Hey." Tk smiled

" so I feel like we missed a chapter or two ." Marjan said, "No I don't think so ." Carlos laughed sitting next to Tk "How long has this been going on ?" Paul asked, "Since the 126 was reopened ." Carlos smiled

" you guys make me sad that I'm single ." Nancy sighed "They are gonna be insufferable." Tommy laughed
Everyone ate lunch and did other things while the bell still hadn't gone off " You okay ?" Carlos said as he watched as Tk picked at his food "Yeah." Tk said putting a smile on "Did you not want me to tell your friends ?" Carlos asked, "Was it too soon ?" Carlos said

"No, I'm I'm happy that you told them I'm just not very hungry ." Tk smiled " I have to get back to work .. I'll see you later ?" Tk said softly "Yeah." Carlos said giving a smile

Tk made his way up to his dad's office knocking on the door "Hey son." Owen smiled " Carlos seems like a nice guy I think he's good for you ." Owen smiled "That's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about .." Tk said swallowing the lump in his throat

"How is it possible to be so unhappy and happy at the same time.." Tk said

"You're gonna have to elaborate a little more son ." Owen said, " Carlos - he makes me happy and that's great - it's just even when I'm with him I'm sad and I don't know why... He's a great guy ."

" and I don't want him to think that he's not because he's great I'm just -sad," Tk said his leg bouncing up and down

"Okay let's take a breath ." Owen said "Do you think it might have something To do with him not knowing about what happened to you - all your trauma .." Owen said

Tk started biting his nails he knew that was why but he didn't know how could he even bring that up

" do I need to tell him ?" Tk said " I think he should know .. it would help him understand the things you do and why .." Owen said, " I think you feel upset because you feel you can't be your truest self."

Tk knocked on Carlos's door "Hey you ." Carlos smiled "Hey." Tk said as he walked inside "You know if you just let me give you a key you could come over and not even have to knock ." Carlos said closing the door

"Can we talk ?" Tk asked, "Yeah - is everything okay ?"  Carlos asked "Yeah - I just - could we sit ?"  tk said biting his nails

" so you know how when we first started dating you saw all the scars on my stomach and you asked me what they were from but I never told you.."  Tk said as Carlos rubbed his palms to keep him from biting his nails

"Yeah.." Carlos said, "My ex was abusive.." Tk admitted

" I was with him for three years he - he used to hit me a lot. If I didn't want sex he would force me to do it he would do it rough... I would bleed sometimes.. ." Tk said

"He would get really mad if I was late or even didn't make the bed to his standards - guess that explains the jumpiness.." Tk mumbled scratching his head

"Before we moved up here one day. I was planning on leaving him I packed my suitcase but he came home from work early - and he - he got really mad I tried to run and he stabbed me a few times that's what the scars on my stomach are from the other scars are from self-harm..."

" he held me down in the bathtub until I couldn't breathe and then left.." at this point, Tk was in tears but couldn't bring himself to look at Carlos

" I lived in a car most of my life my mom took me from my dad and Judd when I was 7  I didn't reconnect with them until after my mom died and when we finally connected they had to save my life. I'm also an addict  .. Oxy I started using when I was 15 and sober now - but I wasn't for a while. I have anxiety and depression both of which I'm taking meds for I had struggled with anorexia but I haven't cut since the night Charlie was born. Sometimes I sleep In the bathtub because it takes me back It makes me feel worse most times but sometimes I wish u died in that bathtub but I'm not doing it that much anymore.." Tk said before he looked up at Carlos who had tears on his face " I didn't mean to make you cry ." Tk said biting his lip " I'm sorry ." Tks lip quivered

Carlos didn't know what to say he needed to hold Tk he pulled Tk close holding him

They stayed like that for a while... " I'm so sorry that happened to you.." Carlos said softly kissing tks head "It does explain a lot though ." Carlos said Tk let out a little chuckle "You not mad ?" Tk asked

"Why would I be mad ." Carlos asked, "Well this isn't what you signed up for ." Tk said

"We all have secrets I'm glad you told me," Carlos said softly
Tk wasn't sad anymore