I can't. I can't sit here and tell myself everything is going to be okay. I'm in love with a guys who could give less of a shit about me. I sit here. I fight with everyone, especially when I'm broken deep inside. 'First' apologized. He said everything he needed to say, and of course I will always forgive him. But I told KP. And she said she knew because , she wouldn't talk to him because of what he did to me, so he had to apologized before they talked again. WHAT THE FUCK. He apologized for no reason, someone made him. He still hasn't called, and he said he would. I just want to hear his voice, and him say it's going to be okay. And I'll make it to live past 17. I've tried. I did jack shit to him and he's beat me up and ripped me apart. I'm empty. And I don't know how to get over my last and first love. It's bullshit. I don't know hot to do a lot of things. I don't know how to get over it. I don't know how to love someone else. And I don't know how to die. My eyes hurt. I could barely see because of the water that fills up in them. AND FUCKING SPIKES. AND FUCKING LEO. Like what are they talking again? Cause if that's the case FUCK YOU LEO. She said to stay away from Ellie, so I did, but then she goes for fucking spikes. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I FUCKING HATE HER. He's mine. (Sorta) LIKE BITCH BACK OFF. UGH. I hate people. I just want it to be me and my dog until the end. There's this other guy I've been talking to, but he lives 7 and a half hours away, and if your reading this, Aye!! Shoutout to 'mystery guy'. He is super chill and I wish he could be next to me 24/7 cause he seems like a really cool dude. But he doesn't know my story. But if your reading this, hi I'm Callista, and this is what I've been through so far. I'm a train wreck and of anyone wants to get on this train, I'm sorry if it crashes. Mystery dude says to me that I should keep my head up. And I know why. If my head falls, everything else will fall too. And I don't want that. I remember one time when 'first' gave me this flower. It's was yellow and they were everywhere. I kept it, and I put it on my desk. Everyday it would turn a darker color. Until it got brown. And the pedals would fall off and crumble. And that was our love story. A beautiful alive flower, to a crumbling pedal. This is short but I don't got much to say. Besides the fact I may loose my better half. I never had anyone here for me like I have this person. She's my life. I love her as much as I love 'first'. If she's gone. I will be too. Life won't go on after her, she is life. And she said she'll never leave me. If she dies, that means she'll break a promise, and the second I got that text and I knew what it meant I broke down. I can't have another person I love, leave. I just can't. I would know how to do it.
