Everything I Didn't Say

Four

Leah

"Rosie" I find myself saying her name again, its like my mouth goes dry for everything except that word. Which sucks, because I have so much to say, yet nothing will come out.

A tight and restrained smile shapes her plump lips as she finally turns to look at me. Just like when we were younger, I cant seem to look anywhere but her. She looks different, but only with age.

"Hey" she says quietly, her whiskey brown eyes avoiding mine like it's a game.

I watch Louisa give her sister a look that surely says she's ready to take care of me if Rosalie seems it necessary. Louisa doesn't scare me easily, she's a nice person even to me which I didn't expect when I met her again this year when she signed for Arsenal and was called up to the Lionesses for the Euro's. But the look she gives me says she's ready to dismember and hide my body is Rosalie gives her a certain look back.

The blonde hesitates before she shakes her head and looks at me. Her brown eyes take me away, the warmth and homey sense still the same.

"This tensions a bit too thick, I'll leave you guys to it" Louisa says with a half smile and gives her sister a warm look before narrowing her eyes at me as she leaves.

We both watch Louisa walk away, the tension as thick as she made it seem.

I try not to, but I stare at the blonde in front of me. I thought Georgia was lying when she said she saw her near the hospitality section. I don't know what pushed me to find out if she was lying or not.

Maybe its because I miss her. Maybe its because I've missed her ever since I walked out the door after ending it.

"How-how are you? How have you been?" I say because again, I don't know what else to say. I want to hold her close and apologise for everything I did.

It only took a week to realise how much of a role she played in my life. A role I didn't want filled by anyone but her.

She was my rock and my biggest fan. And I threw all that away because deep down I was scared. Scared of what? I couldn't pick just one thing.

But I was scared and did something I thought would be best for both of us.

"Im okay" Rosalie says lightly as she plays with a necklace hanging around her neck. I step forward when I see the specific necklace she's shifting between her fingertips.

"You kept the pendant?" I say without thinking. Her face reds at my observation and she quickly drops the necklace against her chest.

"Uh yeah, it just goes with everything" her comment stings more than it should.

"Yeah" I simply say, I don't know whether to take it as a sign of hope that she still wears it despite the reason she states. I also don't know whether I should let the weight of her words crush me.

Does it no longer hold meaning to her? And what else of mine does she still have?

"I-can we talk?" I say after the awkward silence between us returns. I watch the inner battle rage behind her eyes, she might think she hides it well but I can see her consider the options in her mind.

I take another step forward and she still doesn't move. She looks away from my eyes after a second.

"Please?" I all but beg. I want-need-to talk to her. About what? I'll figure that out later.

I cant just let her go, I don't want to leave this time.

Not now that I've realised what I've lost. I know its been three years, am I an idiot for hoping that there could be hope for us?

"After the show?" I ask, my breath held as I want for her response. She finally nods and I let out a breath of air that felt trapped in my lungs.

I find myself smiling and looking down before looking back up at her.

I think back to all the times I'd stare at her contact in my phone, debating whether I should call or text. I never did, and soon too much time had passed.

But I'd still look at it, the number engraved into my brain.

I'm surprised I never drunkingly called her.

Would she have answered? Or would she have watched it ring? I never got to find out because of the fear that covered my desperate heart.

"Okay" she says and I nod along and she takes a step back, "I'm gonna... go yeah" she mumbles and points her thumb behind her.

"I'll find you later okay?" I say but it comes out more of a question.

She nods again before turning her back to walk away.