When he closed his eyes he saw her, when he opened his eyes he wanted to see her.Everytime, every minute every second she was the only thought on his mind. What was this fear, why his heart sank everytime he thaught of her with someone else. What was this feeling, is this what fear is, it felt like the thoughts in his mind if he spoke of those his tongue will burn, if he kept them inside it'll burn his heart. But yet he decided to burn himself within without someone else knowing. No one cares, no one does, does someone? Everyone have their own lives why would anyone even care. No one cared nor did he wanted anyone to care, he wanted to be left alone with his thoughts, his overthinking damn brain.
She Asked 'Why are ya so silent and reserved around me, he replied. That's just the way i am.
Is he really like that? He was silent because
'He was afraid, scared.
Afraid that he' ll do or say something that will take her away from him. That'll make her hate him. He couldn't care less about the world but he cared bout her the most.
He didn't knew how to talk about his feelings but he used to talk about them with himself alot and explan it so well but getting it to actually come out of his mouth was just so hard...
You can't love someone else if you can't love yourself first ?
'Bullshit'
He hated himself the most everything about him everthing, yet He loved her so much he forgot what hating himself felt like.
He never wants to lose her no matter what happens even if the whole world is against her, he'll stand against the whole world for her. Nothing matters to him except her and her happiness.
Will She ever accept his feelings? So what if she doesn't? Will he stop trying? He will never, he won't stop trying even if you gouge out his eyes break every goddam bone in him, tear him apart. Until he is alive and breathing he'll never stop trying. He will stop if she says 'No' What will his reaction Be?, He'll say it's alright, be happy and take care of yourself. But will he really be alright? His life will end, he will cut his heart out he will cry till his eyes have no tears left, and than once and for all will he end himself. Atleast she'll be happy.
Physcial pain the pain of bones breaking and the pain one feels is nothing, the pain in one's heart is much more than one could ever imagine. Death is better than a life of misery, full of insecurities, sadness and a broken heart, a heart that feels nothing no emotion or anything . But the question of ' In the hereafter will i have to see her from afar for an eternity where there's no death. Please if ever a day like that ever comes Just Make him Non Existent Like he never even existed.
Why so much important, why did she become so important. Why the fear of death haunts him now, why. If she wants him to change he'll change. He'll change everything about himself he will. Just please please please don't take her away from him please.
