AMBIVALENCE - D. M.

13

Padma was talking and even though I wanted to, I couldn't listen,"I've decided I don't like him." I was looking at the doors, I guess some people don't come to breakfast but still, looking. Riley looked up from her plate, "Why?" "He's annoying. And I think he's still stuck on Mandy." When she said that I think I just snapped, I don't know why or how or what or anything related to it but I just couldn't take her incessant repressive behavior.

So I turned towards her and said, "Or maybe you're projecting because you know he likes you and you're scared because you don't want to mess it up. So you're pretending as if you don't like him to get rid of the feeling in your stomach which won't work by the way. So just tell him you like him and get it over with. He is not stuck on Mandy, he is stuck on you. You should see him when we're doing patrol, just going on and on about you and always bringing the subject back to you. He likes you Padma! So go and get him!"

She looked at me, then her eyes went towards the door, and as if on cue Anthony walked in then set his eyes upon her. She looked at me and smiled before basically running to him and dragging him away from the Great Hall. I went back to my breakfast before Riley said, "So." I lifted my head, "What?" "Anything you want to tell me?" "What? No." She nodded smiling saying, "Ok whatever you say."

"What Riley?" "You do realize I am one of your longest friends?" "Oh really I had no idea." She scoffed, "You seriously don't think I can't tell when something is going on with you?" "I never said that!" "Oh really I had no idea," she mocked. "What do you want from me?" My voice was getting louder, angrier, more defensive. I didn't even begin to think about what she was insinuating. "I want you to stop lying to yourself!" "What is Merlin's name are you talking about?"

"Tell me this Everly, why were you late to bed last night?" "What?" "Why were you late to bed?" "I told you, I was on patrol." "Please." "What?" "You think I don't know you're lying?" "I'm not!" I was. I hated it, but I couldn't tell her where I was. That night was embarrassing and weird, fun? Yes, but I hated it, as well as lying. But I had no choice.

"Tell me!" I wanted to punch her, even if she was right. "I already told you the truth Riley, I don't think I'm hungry anymore. Goodbye." I started walking towards the doors headed away from her when she called out, "Everly, wait!" I turned my head briefly before turning it around just to hit onto someone's chest. Before I could fall completely he grabbed my hand. "Everly. Good, I wanted to talk to yo-." I looked up to his eyes, "Sorry this really isn't the best time."

I kept walking, he kept following. "Everl-." "Draco, just go eat, I can't talk right now." "Bu-." "Draco! Just leave me alone." "Fine." I started to turn around as I muttered, "Arsehole." "What? You call me that after all I do is try to talk to you?" "Go away!" "You're impossible." I watched him walk away, he was mad. He should be mad, and I shouldn't miss his kindness.

I kept walking, hoping to not run into anyone else. Thank Merlin that Riley didn't try to follow me after she saw me with him. I just need some alone time I guess.

When I made it to the door, I answered the riddle and stepped inside. Fully intending to head straight to my room I see River, walk out of his dorm, face bright from noticing me. "Hey," he said. "Hi." "Are you ok?" I nodded. "Well, if you're ok like you tell me you are," he laughed, causing me to smile, "I was just headed to get a butterbeer if you wanted to join me?"

I wanted to go into my room and sulk in bed for something that is completely my fault, maybe read too. But I could do that later. I smiled, "Sure, I'd love to." As we walked down to Hogsmeade I noticed how cold it was getting. I was hoping it would snow soon but it still hasn't. Snow. Rain. Draco. I had my arm interlinked with River's, at least he was warm. Unlike some.

On our way to the Three Broomsticks he asked me if I was ok numerous times, which only reminded me of how I asked him if he was ok numerous times. But unlike me every time he'd ask and I said I was ok he'd tell me he would always be there to talk. Stupid, kind, perfect boy.

We got seated and he asked me once again, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" I sighed, "I got in a fight with Riley, sort of, I guess it was more of a mild argument." "What happened?" His voice was soft and understanding, stupid perfect boy.  "She thinks I'm hiding things from her." I looked up to him. He was thinking. Our butterbeers came when he broke the silence, "So, what are you hiding from her?" I laughed as I took a sip, "Nothing."

He looked at me and smiled, "Come on Everly. If my sister thinks you're hiding something then you are." "I'm not." His eyebrow quirked. "What? I'm not!" I started laughing, "I swear." "Alright. It must be big though. If you're lying to her." "But I'm not." I let out a breath as I took another sip. "Lying to me too, Wow." "Merlin, you two are going to be the death of me." He laughed and said, "I'll be right back and then we can go." I nodded as I watched him head to the bathroom.

I waited a couple of minutes before starting to fiddle with my fingers. Sipping my drink. I heard the door open as I turned my head to see a head of bright blonde hair.

River, come back. Please.

He saw me, in the booth, alone. I don't think he noticed the other butterbeer beside me as he started walking towards me.

"So, are you going to tell me or should I stop asking?" My head turned to River, whose brown eyes seemed darker than earlier, sitting down. I smiled slightly, "Maybe stop asking for now." He nodded. My eyes drifted to the blonde who was still standing a few meters away from our table. His eyes caught mine, I could barely read his solemn expression. After a few seconds of eye contact he walked away before River asked, "Ready?" I nodded.

His hand reached out for mine as I grabbed his arm, linking us. We walked towards the door as he started talking about his potions homework.

Don't look back. Don't look back. Don't look back.

My head turned to where he was sitting. He was looking at his drink, listening to his friends, head low. Not looking at me.

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