𝙎𝙇𝘼𝙐𝙂𝙃𝙏𝙀𝙍 | Poppy Playtime Oneshots

4 | 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 ☾ DogDay ˋ°•*⁀➷ 💛

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: Trigger warning for depictions of anorexia, eating disorders, mentions childhood trauma, mental illness :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

☆⋆requested by PassionMacha ⋆☆

─═★💛⋆⁺₊⋆☽⋆ Chapter ...⋆☾⋆⁺₊⋆💛★═─

You sighed heavily as you wiped your mouth with your sleeve, before your shaking fingers swiped away the dampness of tears that had dripped down your face. Why did you do this to yourself? Honestly, you weren't sure if it was even worth it anymore.
 But these weren't new thoughts, these feelings weren't old and you doubted they'd ever go away. At least not any time soon. Not when you were threw this hurdle alone, as you'd been for quite a few years now.

With another long exhale as you finally stood up from where'd you'd been sitting on your knees. Your hands gingerly composing yourself and your clothing before you stepped out of the bathroom stall. You wanted to look as normal as possible, no one could find out. However as you approached the porcelain sinks, the wide view mirror above it gave away your reflection.

It gave away the paleness of your skin, except for the flush of red on your face. The strain of your usually bright eyes were bloodshot too, more noticeable then usual. You could see how thin your body was, how fragile you looked, as if a gust of wind could've taken you away. It wasn't enough.

As you turned to your side, you placed a hand on your stomach and one on your lower back, flattening your loose shirt to get a better look at yourself. Almost admiring yourself for a moment, though it was short lived when your eyes came back into focus. Fixated on your own eyes, reflected in the mirror. The constant vomiting and gagging was worth it, at least that's what you tried to convince yourself.

You washed your hands, splashing some water on your face to cool off before you grabbed a paper towel and dried yourself off. You didn't spare another glance into the mirror, it would just pull you into a trance again.
Besides, the longer you stayed in here, the more people would notice your absence. These bathroom trips were supposed to be fast and efficient, you didn't want anyone walking in on you after all while you were in the middle of tossing up your late morning breakfast and last night's dinner.

Not that three crackers and a slice of unbuttered toast could be considered a meal. It hardly constituted as a snack, snacks were supposed to appease hunger between main meals.
Your hunger was never away from you, much like your troubled mind, your body was never satisfied.

Eventually you wandered out of the restroom, heading down the short hallway and back into the Play care, gaming station. You'd managed to regain yourself, despite this awful pain in your gut which had you slightly hunched over in your walk.  You resisted all urges to hug a hand to the problem point. 

As soon as you'd entered the large room, made up of colorful, bold primary colors mostly. The children were giggling and squealing as they ran around, jumping down the slides, crawling through the pipes and playing on various other jungle gym themed activities. That's basically all it was, a playground.
You could see and hear Mommy Long Legs walking down the steps to Musical Memory with one of the pre-teens, cooing softly and being her usual motherly self. A heart warming sight if it hadn't been for the scientist following close behind them both. But not too close, Mommy Long Legs was very grumpy recently with most of the scientists. Or what felt more obvious, the adults.

You sighed at the sight, these children had no idea what was going on. And although you didn't know much, you couldn't help but feel bad for them still. It was only human.

You felt a pang of pain in your stomach and you clutched it with your hand, stiffling back a groan.

"Hey, are you okay?" A sudden voice asked, startling you as you straightened yourself up again and turned around.

"Oh... hey, James. Yeah, I'm fine," You nodded, voice slightly strained as you eyed the Playtime worker up and down. James was the only coworker you were friends with here, the only friend at all besides one, optimistic Dogday. Who you could hear playing with the children in the background.

"Are you sure? You look like your sick," James frowned and eyed you in return skeptically. Although you'd caught sight of what he was holding in his hands, a Tupperware bowl with what looked like pasta. Food, if you weren't sick already the sight would've made you sick.

"Yeah, im just tired..." You shrugged your shoulders, trying to be nonchalant. "What're you doing?"

"Well, Mary made too much pasta for dinner last night... but hell, it's so good. I figured I'd bring you some," James smiled and placed the bowl in your hands, not giving you the chance to reject it. "Besides, i noticed you didn't pack a lunch today..."

Your eyes darted around quickly before speaking, "Oh yeah! I forgot it on my way out. I guess it's a good thing your wife is such a good cook, heh." You stammered far more nervously then you'd meant to. It was far from the truth, usually you'd bring lunch to work and throw it away when no one was looking. But today you'd been particularly troubled, looking at, smelling or even touching food seemed like a battle.

"Uhm... yeah..." James nodded slowly and awkwardly looked around. He knew something was up, though he never questioned it. "Well. I'm clocked in now, why don't you go eat your lunch?"

"Uh, yeah, i will... thanks Jamie." You mumbled and excused yourself, quietly wandered over to sit on one of the swing sets. Somewhere you could still keep an eye on things while 'enjoying' lunch without being seen. From this angle, you could spot the yellow and orange dog running around, chasing after the kids.

You were one of the few adults to get close with Dogday, maybe the only. Most employees didnt get attached or didn't trust him based on Mommy Long Leg's recently fiesty demeanor towards them. But it wasn't enough to start any suspicions.
 Dogday was always such a joy to be around, he was enthusiastic and sweet, a good shoulder to rest your head on. He felt... human. Despite being made of faux fur, material and metal parts. There was something about that wide grin on his tailored face that made you smile.

Just like you were smiling now, even giggling to yourself as he pretended to be far too slow chasing after the kids. 'Unable' to catch them as they squealed and laughed, running off to climb around the monkey bars and crawl into the tubes.
For a moment, you'd forgotten about your troubles, the starvation in your body was numbed as a warm flush of happiness traversed throughout your fragile form.

You hadn't told Dogday what you were going through, you had been going through this for years, you didn't want to ruin a streak of years pretending to be okay. But even for you, it was getting hard to keep with this facade. Especially with Dogday, you knew he cared about you more than anything in the world.
 You sighed and looked down at the Tupperware in your hands, standing up from the swing set you wandered over to the nearest trash can and let go.

As soon as you'd dumped your lunch out, a strong scent hit your nose like a slap to the face. Vanilla.

"Angel! What're you throwing away your food for? You hardly touched it!" Dogday chimed as he stood towering behind you, his black eyes fixated on the trash can. Inspecting the now spilled Tupperware of pasta with a sort of confused and concerned expression.

"Oh! Uhm... I did! But i was so full... i just didn't finish it." You stammered as you turned to face him properly. But Dogday was smarter than that.

"Angel, I was watching, you didn't even open it." Dogday spoke softly and finally looked down at you. His heart ached to see you, how thin you were and the way your jaw was clenched as if in pain. You knew he could see right through you. But that didn't mean you'd tell the truth.

"I just... I'm not really hungry right now." You mumbled and rested your arms to your chest, averting his dark hues as you glanced around the play care. 

Dogday paused for a long moment, whether giving himself a breath or giving you time to breath, you weren't sure. But ever so slowly he moved forward and rested his large paws on the sides of your shoulders, the touch gentle and warm which immediately drew your attention. 

"Angel, you need nourishment, your health is so very important." He murmured softly, leaning down to accommodate the large height difference between the two of you. "I know it may be hard... but I promise, it's worth it." 
You didn't know how much Dogday knew, perhaps he knew about what you'd done in the restrooms most days, the way you threw up after every meal, perhaps he'd noticed your distant stares when in front of any mirror or reflection of yourself. Or maybe it was just the bluntly obviousness of your figure, how skinny and sickly you looked. You looked down at yourself, as if deep in thought and contemplation. 
You'd been keep this charade up for years, why was this one moment beginning to break you down so easily? As if he could stare right through to your soul and seek out the truth you tried to hide. You sighed quietly, leaning forward to rest your head against his broad chest, letting his fluffy fur tickle your face. Getting a very strong scent of his vanilla odor, a pleasant and relaxing essence. 

"It's just... It's so hard, Dogday," You whispered quietly, your voice cracking, feeling your walls begin to break down as his arms suddenly wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you against his body now in a tight hug. "I just want to be perfect..."

"Oh, Angel, you are so very perfect and precious, you always have been." Dogday assured you in that same gentle tone of his, one of his hands smoothing up and down your back in a circular motion. Trying to comfort you and keep you calm, letting you know he was there for you. "Would you like to talk more about what's going on? I'm here to listen."

With less contemplation than before, you nodded and sighed again, pulling away from his chest and comforting embrace so that you could properly look up at the large Smiling Critter. "I'd really like that,"

He squeezed your shoulders and seemed to perk up at your willingness, "Good, how about you go sit down at swings? I will be right back..." He murmured before suddenly walking away from you, not giving you any context but you trusted Dogday. More than anything. So you decided to do as he said and wandered back over to the swing sets once more, holding onto the chain as you rocked gently on the swing.

A few minutes passed by before Dogday returned, holding a plate in his paws with a sandwich on it. You could feel your stomach already sinking at the idea of eating food, you wanted to walk away now, but you knew that wouldn't do yourself or poor Dogday any good. 
He knelt  down onto his knees in front of you, that way he was a little more level to your height, slightly shorter so he looked up at you. He held the plate up to you offering it, "Here we are, Angel. It's only a peanut butter and jelly sandwich from the cafeteria... but it's better than nothing."

"I think nothing is better," The words slipped off your tongue faster than they'd even come to mind and Dogday's eyes widened in surprise, vigorously shaking his head with his ears flopping lightly in the motion. 

"No, no, Angel! Eating nothing is not better!" He spoke, almost pleading as he shoved the plate into your hands, making sure you had a firm grip on it with his paws folding over your hands. "You need to eat, keep up your strength. Why would you think such a thing?"

You weren't sure which part hurt more, the look of distress you were causing on Dogday's face or the pain of trying to explain your feelings, the motives to your actions.
How could you explain to him the years of turmoil as a child? How could you talk about the horrible relationship you had with food? What would he think of you then? Would he judge you? Think you were far too ill for him to help you? What if it made him drift away from you?

"(Y/n)?  Darling, speak to me," Dogday called out to you, tapping your shoulder to break you out of your train of thought and suddenly jolting you back into reality. 

"Huh!? What!?" You questioned and glanced around briefly, looking down at Dogday, then the plate of food, and then back at Dogday. "Oh, right, right... I'm sorry... what was your question?"

With even more worry than before, Dogday spoke up with furrowed brows. "Angel, please, let me in. I want to know everything, I'm here to help you." He reassured you softly. Which made your tension soften in your shoulders, feeling a sense of comfort in his words and trusting him. 

You took a deep breath, preparing yourself to speak up finally. "Look, I just- I don't mean to.. not eat. I mean I do- it's intentional, no, hold on, wait-"

"Just breath, darling."

With yet another deep breath, you sighed, fiddling with the plate in your hands. "I don't think I'm good enough, Dogday... I mean, look at me, look at my body... It's a wreck. It's not nearly as beautiful as any of the other women around here, or outside of this place." You spoke quietly, feeling tears begin to form in your eyes.  

Dogday frowned and gave your hands a gentle squeeze, "Darling, I've always thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world. You are perfect just the way that you are,"

"That's not what my parents ever thought about me when I was growing up," You muttered quietly, a few tears streaming down your cheeks. "I was never pretty enough for them, never thin enough, never good enough... they didn't love me, for who I was. just for... actually, I don't think they loved me at all, in any way."

Your parents had been less than reasonable growing up, they held high standards for you, their only child and only daughter. Supposedly, not that you'd ever cared or done any research, your mother had been some super model at your age now.
 Some wonderful figure of perfect health that won dozens of beauty pageants in her time. Which had lead to her being very strict on your diet growing up. You were supposed to 'follow her footsteps', to keep her reputation and image of a perfect woman, having an even more perfect family.
Sugar was forbidden, no matter the occasion sweets were never the option. Not even a birthday cake. Watermelon cake was what you had.- if even that.
Everything was in small portions on your plate, not even the portion sizes on the back of the box or in the recipe. That way you would remain a 'beautiful' size. Or whatever it was they wanted out of you.

 It was a harsh raising they'd brought upon you, as if you'd constantly been walking on eggshells. And even now as an adult, long moved away from home and your parents long gone in a six foot deep grave. Those habits never quite left your head.
You counted calories, you chose to skip your meals, you didn't grocery shop as much as you should've- if their wasn't food in the house, then you wouldn't accidentally binge eat or give in to starving  temptations. A few times you'd succumbed to them, then had mental breakdowns the entire night because you did 'a bad thing' and you felt like you'd let everyone down. Who? You didn't know. 

As you continued to explain to Dogday much of your childhood and past, not going too far into depth which would be far too painful for you to bear right now. The words came out slurred and cracked in your shaky tone, choking back sobs and using your shirt to wipe away the snot and tears occasionally. 
Still, Dogday remained quiet, offering a few soft comforting words and hear to assure you he was giving you his full, undivided attention. Once in awhile, he'd give your hands a squeeze too, encouraging you. 

After another short while of rambling on, you'd begun to calm down and subconsciously pick at the pb&j sandwich. Taking small bites of crust at first as you spoke, not even realizing you'd begun to eat the sandwich, even as you chewed and swallowed. 
Their was something so calming and relaxing about letting all of your emotions go, letting the years of built up tension come undone to someone you trusted so very much. 
It was ethereal.

Dogday's tail had begun to wag and thumb gently on the ground behind him where he sat, his eyes glancing down to the now empty plate that he took from your hands and set aside for now. 
Your eyes trailed down and your words stopped abruptly, realizing you'd eaten, at first, you began to panic. But before any such emotions could rise, he spoke. 

"I am so proud of you, Angel darling. You are so very strong for opening up to me like this," Dogday murmured in that cheery but soft voice of his, clasping your hands together in his warm paws. "I know it's been hard, but this is just the beginning of your journey to recover. And I promise, I will be here every step of the way for you."

"Really? You... you will?" You asked softly in sort of surprise, to be praised for doing something simple at talking. To be praised for EATING, when you were so used to being frowned upon for doing something so normal, it was new. But it was the greatest feeling in the world. 

"Of course I will!" Dogday chimed and his ears perked up, a bright smile on his face as he pulled you back into a hug and into his lap, letting the swing lightly sway back and forth behind you. 

You hugged him back tightly, feeling little tears prick the corner of your eyes. Yet they weren't of sadness or fear, they were of joy, of awe- finally someone understood you. Someone was willing to be here for you. You hadn't expected it to come from Dogday, from a Smiling Critter,- from your workplace at least of all the places you should've found support. It didn't matter though.

"Thank you, Dogday. Thank you so very much," You murmured and rested your head against his furry chest, letting out a soft sigh of relief and content. 

"Of course, darling," Dogday soothed softly, rubbing your back up and down in the same comforting manner as before. "Now... how about I go get you another sandwich? Just in case your peckish still," He offered slowly, though showed absolutely no sign he'd force you if you truly didn't want to eat. He wanted to go at your pace. 

"That sounds great actually!" You nodded, for once not thinking about how you'd loose the food later on in the restrooms,- it didn't cross your mind at all actually. You loved the idea of being full for once. 
As Dogday slowly slid you out of his lap, the big dog walked off eagerly to the cafeteria and left you in your thoughts for now. This was the beginning of  your recovery, this was a new chapter of your life. This was what you had always wanted, and you were so thankful to have Dogday there for you.