500 days of gerard | gerard way x female reader

25: crying over gerard.

day 435

gerard was ignoring me, and it didn't really make me feel better. i thought that maybe this would be something good, especially because he was so toxic.

but i missed him. i missed him more than anything.

i've cried for about a week straight, not leaving my house for even a minute. he ignored all my calls and texts, and it made me feel so fucking bad.

just when i was crying loudly into my pink pillow, i got a call from nina, which made me immediately lift up my head and stare at my phone.

i hesitated a bit before taking the phone in my hand and picking up the call. "hello?" i managed to say weakly.

"hey y/n, everything's good?" she asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

i sniffled, wiping my runny nose with the sleeve of my hoodie. "y-yeah"

"...come on, i'm not dumb. are you still crying over that twink?" her words made my chest hurt, just the mention of him made me want to scream and vomit all at once.

"maybe..." my voice broke and got quieter, as i wiped my tears and fixed my messy and greasy hair.

"i'm coming over y/n" and with that she hung up.

i let out a long sigh, stretching my back to feel relieved. no matter what i did i couldn't help but feel like shit. i couldn't believe that a stupid man made me feel like this, it was insane to me.

i sat there for a moment longer, feeling the weight of my emotions settle on my shoulders once again. it was hard to imagine ever moving on from gerard, the pain of his rejection still fresh in my mind. but at the same time, i knew i couldn't just sit around and wallow in my sorrow.

when nina arrived a few minutes later, i let her in and welcomed her with a small smile. it was good to see her, to have someone to talk to about everything that had been going on.

she sat down on the couch next to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"you know y/n..." she said softly. "sometimes things just aren't meant to be."

"i know" i said sadly with a sigh. "it's just... hard to accept, you know? i thought there was something between us, but now i realize it was all just in my head."

"i understand" nina nodded, giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "but you're going to get through this. you're strong, and you deserve someone who loves you"

i nodded, feeling a sense of gratefulness wash over me. it was nice to talk to someone in person after so many days of not leaving my room.

"so what do you want to do now?" she asked, giving me a small smile.

"i don't know" i admitted with a shrug. "maybe we could go out and do something fun"

"well then... how about we go get wasted at the bar?" she offered, making a smile appear on my face.

"god, of course!" i agreed, immediately feeling a whole lot better than before.

"great. get dressed and we'll go" she said with a smile and i nodded, getting up and going to my room. she followed me inside and we spent about 40 minutes on dressing me up and doing my makeup.

she made sure i looked great so that i would "find a new man." god how stupid she is sometimes...

we walked outside my house and went to a bar near my house, everybody inside looking at me as we walked in. all eyes were on me and i felt a bit shy and nervous, trying to hide myself behind nina.

we got to the counter and ordered some shots, and then we also ordered a whole bottle of vodka.

i drank the whole bottle alone, watching some band play on stage, when suddenly my heart skipped a beat and i almost dropped that goddarn vodka.

"please welcome... my chemical romance!" i widened my eyes as i watched the guys come on stage.

"i thought they said they were too popular to perform at such places anymore?" nina pointed out as i stared at the guys in surprise and shock.

i couldn't move a single muscle, i was freezed in place. just as i was about to open my mouth, my eyes met gerard's and i felt sick instantly.

i looked away, turning my back at them to avoid any sort of eye contact again.

for the rest of their performance i couldn't focus on anything, the only thing in my mind was their stupid music and that stupid face of gerard's.

they finished their last song and i exhaled in relief, feeling so much better now that they left the stage and didn't see me.

of course something had to go wrong.

they came to the counter.

i stared at the bottle trembling in my shaky hands as ray ordered a whiskey for all of the guys. nina kept on eye fucking him, when suddenly he turned his head to look at us.

"oh hey! nina, right?" he said cheerfully, earning a scoff from her in annoyance.

"seriously dude? fuck off" she rolled her eyes, furrowing her eyebrows as she looked away.

"whatever..." he mumbled under his nose as the guys came up to take their drinks. i looked up at them, and just as i did so, i again caught eye contact with gee.

my heart ached and i wanted to just burst out into tears, but i thankfully managed to remain calm and not embarrass myself more.

they walked away, not saying a single word to me.

it hurt like hell.