Linger (Camren)

Chapter 6: Being There

{Lauren's POV}

As usual, I leave the hospital at around 11:30 AM. The fact that I'm so close to all the staff and nurses, partly because I'm there so often, but more so because my mother and Maggie used to be college friends, allows me to stay with her a little longer.

Maggie says I'm better than any medicine they could give my mom. She says I keep her grounded during the days that she starts to slip away. She says that I'm important to her and I always will be. I really hope that's true.

I only get to visit her on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Though I look forward to these days, I can't fight the pit that forms in my stomach every time I walk into that white building. Honestly, the uncertainty of my mother's state on a day to day basis takes on a toll on me.

Some days she seems clearer of mind. She may occasionally get off track a few times with her speech, but I don't pay attention to that. Those are good days. I get my mom back on those days.

The bad days aren't always far behind though. The days when I can't understand what she's saying, but I sit and nod anyway because I have to. The days where all she does is sit and stare at a wall while I stroke her hair, trying to fight off tears. The days where she seems to be more consumed with the conversations she's having with herself that she doesn't even acknowledge my presence in the room. Even at that, I would take those days over the ones where she won't even let me see her.

But, I got a kiss and a hug from her today. We talked about my art. She asked me to paint her another picture to add to her collection. She cradled my head and she swayed me back and forth as we danced around her room to my new record. I'm not sure that she a big fan of Jhene Aiko, but she danced with me anyway.

It was a really good day. That's all that matters.

While on my train back home, I check my messages. Most are from Ally, asking me about how today went and how I was.

Ally is by the definition of what a good human being should be. She is a walking ray of sunshine, a motivator, a mom and a sister all at once, and above all that, she's my best friend for as long as I could remember. More times then not, I think she's my only friend.

Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of "friends", but I used that term lightly. To me a friend is a person who is there for me when I need them, whether it's for the better or for the worst. Someone who can talk to me about nothing, and everything at the same time. Someone who can both encourage me, but also turn to me when they need me.

I honestly don't think I have people like that in my life besides Ally.

It may be unreasonable, but I just want to be important to someone else, a part from my family. I want to feel like I matter and that my presence in someone's life is significant. Sometimes I think that's too much to ask for.

As the train pulls up to my station, I'm suddenly hit with thoughts of a certain petite brunette with shimmering brown orbs. I check the rest of my messages and that one of them is actually from her. I don't know why but my heart beats picks up.

I reply back to her, apologizing for the late response seeing as I was busy the entire morning. I hope she doesn't think I'm ignoring her... then again I guess it doesn't really matter.

As I return home to my empty apartment, I fall face first on my bed and inhale the clean smell of laundry. It's moments like this that I really appreciate productive Lauren. She's gets shit done, man.

Right now though, I'm feeling like antsy Lauren. I look over at my empty canvases once again, and sigh.

Might as well try and see what these hands can do.