The Beast I Am

Chapter 12

"You're going to help me."

I nearly shattered the glass, my rage quick to my tongue, "And what makes you think that? My debt is to Valentine. Not you." The air seemed to shudder– glitch, as he drank, his white knuckles giving him away. I took the moment to match him, the nourishment calming my own hackles as Luther began to purr, the cat's rumbles, calming that rage slowly.

"I used a Boon on your behalf, so now you owe me that debt. Your arrangement with Valentine is entirely separate from me. Welcome to the consequences of deal-making."

"I didn't want any of this."

Rhazien's teeth clicked as he remained silent, his nose flaring before finally grounding out, "Well, it's too late now. I can't take it back."

"You're a fucking asshole, you know?"

That heat pulsed in his eyes again before he huffed, the tone bored, "Fine. Get it out of your system."

I wanted to throttle him. "When did you decide you wanted to kill me?"

His back stiffened. "I didn't want to kill you."

I hissed, "That's a lie. No more Rhazien. I read your fucking books, played by your rules, was a good little pet... You have no idea what I'm capable of if you provoke me." Honestly, neither did I, but right now, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to test the limits.

Rhazien said nothing as his gaze flickered to Luther in my lap before looking again at me, the expression hard to read, cloudy. I heard his jaw before he finally decided on his admission, "I didn't want to kill you. It just happened to turn out that way–"

"God, you're so fucking selfish you can't even admit it."

"Watch it."

"For someone so vain, you hate having a mirror held up to your behavior. Is that why you tried to Bond me? My compliance wasn't enough– You wanted to fuck me too?"

I saw his skin shift and harden, the black of his pupils pulsating. "Don't pretend to know my intentions. You talk like that outside this room, and you'll get us both killed."

The air crackled with tension, his words adding juice to the open wound of the conversation. I refused to back down, even as I felt the weight of Rhazien's gaze bearing down on me like a heavy storm cloud.

"I'm not pretending anything," I shot back, my voice beginning to tremble, "I'm just calling it like I see it. You can't manipulate me into submission and then act like you're the victim here."

Rhazien's jaw clenched so tightly I thought it would break, "You have no idea what you're talking about," he growled, his tone low and dangerous.

"Then enlighten me!" I retorted, my own frustration boiling over. "Explain to me why you thought it was acceptable to use me as some pawn in your twisted fucking games. Tell me why you felt so entitled to control every aspect of my life without even so much as a second thought for what I might want."

"I had no other choice–"

I scoffed, his glare heavy and clouded.

"I had spent eight years of my life on a project, one I wasn't even invested in, and it became... all consuming and then... Everything you did was still wrong; I couldn't just–"

My eyes were burning. "But it wasn't a project– it was me."

Something flickered in his features, and he finally looked at me, not through me. His blue detailing every inch of my form before settling on my cheeks, on me. It was apologetic. His hands buried his face as he rubbed his hair back and out of his eyes with a sigh. His features settled as if he was physically taking the mask off, his voice a somber breath, "I'm sorry..."