DreAms

Something not very good

So, this time it's not a dream, but something that really occurred to me... um so you see I am a damn pessimist,

So this time it's majorly due to this and some events that this happened, what happened is, I was feeling already very insecure and overthinking about different things in my damn life, alongside noticing that a person(who I was close with) has started to distance nowadays , So I called to ask em about it, and he didn't pick up the call, after hours of not getting a callback I messaged him, and he replied, So without any doubt or covering anything up I directly asked him <- am I being ignored?-> and he didn't reply to that, So...that just mean one big YES..right?

So on that day , I got everything in my mind with this new one at hand, to be honest all my focus had shifted to this person and this thing , So I decided to go out and sit for a while and I called my yet another senior( his batchmate) and she cut my call I did not feel good but yeah? I know she can't be available for me all the time so i guess I didn't mind it,(?).

Later when my brain was not braining anymore my headache was on the peak my that my I didn't realize when did tears came to eyes, and my friend came and asked hey, are you crying?? Well, tears were absolutely not there yet but something near that was already happening guess he just realized it or...um I don't know he asked me 3-4 times that I finally said 'andar se to ro hi rhi hu lg rha hai' then he consoled me and his other friends came in the mean time and they also sat there, I was wearing mask at that time, So no worries I didn't even look at them properly except for the greeting time .

Then , I left them after a while and went to pack Pani puri that my friend ordered and saw both of them there, I saw that man coming to me, but di said 'oy! Mat ja' laughingly and the tears that I then I realized that the tears actually wanted to come out, I didn't look at them, neh never!

After that, my headache, my brain, heart and whatsoever just wanted to come out but I didn't let them, not then, not ever ....I felt like, I gave them this chance, obviously there Will be no AGAIN . But again i doubt and called di in the evening just to get rejected again .

Ohk, that's it I guess, then I came inside the campus and again I called di to ask if anything had happened but only to get my call rejected by her again .

I was with my roommate when her other friend from boys hostel came, we went to pick him up and drop him to his hostel and were waiting for him to come again and then my friend again came (the one who got to know I was crying) and I told him whatever happened and he said ' don't put efforts in this place' I understood him, yeah , nobody deserves any kind of efforts here.

Then we came back to room and I told my roommates that this has happened and i was literally giving HIM all kinds of cuss words that I can give at that time .

Let's see what happen about this later .