Breathe the ocean in

35

MARI

The things work out just fine. I call the clinic on Monday to check when he can get the appointment and to learn more about the operation itself. If it would be a local hospital, I wouldn't grasp a word, I swear. Not easily, but I capture the essence thanks to Aranian. I feel concerned how Kir would take this information as far as it supposes the brain surgery, not eyes only, but he surprises me by being very compliant, repeats that he's ready to take a chance. Doctor Johnson turns out to be very amiable man and assures me that the risks are minimal. They carried out dozens of such operations for the last two years and all of it had a successful outcome. I schedule the hospital stay in a two weeks having previously agreed with Kir

It seems like it's about time to start that advent-calendar I dreamt about ages ago. And I'm happy I'm getting back home, but some irrational fear overwhelms me along with delight. I'm not sure myself what I'm scared of so badly. Of everything I'll meet there, 'cause the things definitely changed during my so long absence? Of the fact I've changed myself so much that I won't fit into my old world? Or of leaving a piece of me behind? All the reasons are true most likely.

Kir comes to take me to the yacht on Tuesday. We're spending the time before our departure alone not letting anybody into our small world. The world of sun, turquoise waves and bittersweet kisses. Never once we raise the issue of happening after the operation. We never discuss either potential failure with the vision or my following withdrawal. Ain't no question I'm staying with him till the end, not a person should be left alone on such a moment. Besides it's Kir, my boy... The only time we break our privacy is to meet Javad and Dina, actually this meeting comes out a little awkward and brief. Javad wishes Kir a good luck at our parting, and Dina hugs me tight and whispers not to forget her. That's something I can safely promise: one more piece of my heart will stay in Palera with my little sensitive friend.

It's the last day before the flight, the air between us is almost palpable with the unshed tears. We're getting to my favorite divs' beach – I want to make one last wish. When we're stepping out of vehicle, Kir hands me the ancient Polaroid out of nowhere.

- Let's make couple of photos? For memory, - he smiles. - We don't have any.

I used to be very active at my socials before, there were tons of pictures on my phone. I didn't take a single one for the last two years.

- Sure, - I answer swallowing a lump in my throat and take the bulky gadget from his hands.

It takes a while to handle the weird framework, but we manage to take few photos in the end, those are way too wistful, as it is. After the beach we're heading to not mine anymore capital house where we have a sleepless night full of our shared fire. Kir. I whisper his name over and over. And he reaches me with his whole being, 'cause now we're a perfect harmony. It's not for long, but in my soul – forever.

In the morning small but comfortable 'Cessna' brings us away from the fairytale country which never managed to become mine. Six hours in the air pass unnoticed., probably because I almost don't leave his lap. And here it is – my Arana. I forgot how unfriendly cold and cloudy can it be in November. Flight attendant gives us the coats I bought earlier, but it doesn't help – I get to freeze to the bones even though it's only three hundreds feet to the waiting for us car. I remember how I shivered here on the first year of my moving, but then I got used to. And I'll do it again. Or will get back to Kio so far.

From the airport we're driving straight to the hospital where the room is set for us. Kir is detached and gloomy again but he holds my finger tight with his dry and hot palm. I'm recalling how frightened I was with this very palm at our first meeting. I smirk – who knew it would be so tender.