Breathe the ocean in

30

MARI

I stay at the yacht for the rest of the spring. Kir is always coming closer to the night, I know he's spending the evening with his wife before. He's trying to pretend that nothing's going on, but he's terrible at it. Everything's smashed to pieces, no chance to glue it back. Well, sex is good still. He's too skilled of a lover for me to stay indifferent to his caress and he's perfectly aware of all of my sensitive spots. He doesn't allow himself any violence since that very evening, and I don't allow myself any tears. Because I forgave him genuinely. Forgave and bade farewell. It's not hurting anymore. Almost.

His presence on board it's haunting me: I can hardly wait for the morning when it's time for him to leave, and I can barely tolerate the Sundays which he spends with me.

I'm feeling imprisoned more than I ever felt for the last year and a half, I'm so gloomy. Summer comes again bringing my birthday with it. It's Wednesday, Kir already took off to his office. I received the flowers which are customary in the morning of course, and he promised to bring the present later.

Dina visits me in the afternoon for a small girl-party just for the two of us. She gives me a lovely golden cuff and wishes to skip my sadness as soon as possible. We talk on abstract topics in order not to wound one of us. Dina throws weird glances at me, but in the end she can't stand keeping it to herself and offers to watch something. She takes her tablet and starts the video which draws my attention with the very first scenes. This clip begins with the close-ups of mine and Alex's apartment. Here's my favorite cup on the table, here's the picture we've bought together at the swap meet. Our park where we used to walk holding our hands. Girl with the blond hair wearing my dress, I can't see her face, but the haircut's just like mine. Lots of references to our happy and now unreachable past are filling the visuals. This song is very melodic and blue. It's a new one, I've never heard it before. And I'm damn sure this song is about me. I'm freezing there watching the darling face, and the tears are flowing on its own. How so? When the video ends, I turn to Dina and ask her:

- How is it possible? - Like she could know the answer.

- All I can is guess, but I cross-referenced some facts, - she says apologetically. - Your depression last year, it coincided with the news about your boyf... Alex's new girlfriend. There were a number of refutations after it, he was suing the publishers because of the articles discrediting his name. At the moment I thought that you found your happiness with Kir and didn't dare to bother you. And I'm really sorry, I had to tell you back then, - my friend reproaches herself.

I'm quickly typing my request in the searcher, but all I find is the information that the page is deleted and that the magazine apologizes for the falsehoods.

- Their representatives managed to prove it was a hacker attack, these were not their articles, - Dina says with caution.

And, goddamit, I do know who's involved! Jeez, what a fool I am!

- Your... Alex, - Dina stumbles over his name again. - He's in rehab again. He's claiming that you're alive. Actually this song is the confirmation. They think he stir crazy and can't get over your death, can't let you go. That is why he needs treatment they say, - I can't wrap my head over everything she said. - I think he can feel you, - she adds.

My mind explodes with the amount of thoughts. It's anger towards Kir and me on the main part. It turned out to be so easy to astray me from the true path. I'm feeling both relieved that Alex never betrayed me and immensely crushed, because that's what I did to him. I can never be purified. And whatever it brings to me, it's the best present I could only get tonight.

I'm crying at my friend's shoulder first, but then I shush her away: Kir is coming soon and she doesn't need to witness our showdown. My darling Dina, she understands it all, hugs me tight before leaving and wishes me the main thing – to get back to myself. Oh yes, I have to. I totally forgot who I really am. It's time to remember. I'm not a housewife waiting meekly for her spouse's return in the kitchen. I'm not a servant without her own opinion. I'm not a shy girl suffering of her boy being uncaring. I am adult self-confident woman who knows what she wants pretty well. Only two things actually: to take revenge and to go home.

KIRAM

That was a disgusting spring, thank heavens, it's over now. The need to visit Alia every evening sucked all of the positive emotions out of me. But then again the need to communicate with Mari who was not eager of my presence helped it a lot. I catch myself thinking that I'm not so looking forward to see her tonight. Her depression got way too far and now it blows my mind. Giving up is not in my nature though. I'm recalling back what my girl used to be: carefree, ironic, biting and indiscreet. I'm missing all of it so badly. I'm missing our talks about everything and nothing, missing our games and fun we had. Even her stinginess hid somewhere, Mari behaves like a doll. But it's her birthday today, and I have every intention to pry her open a little.

I'm not getting my hopes for the tasty dinner and other small man's pleasures up when I'm coming to the yacht. But she knows how to surprise: there's a table served for two persons, Mari's embracing me, being affectionate, she's wearing something lacy and seductively smells with my favorite perfume. My girl resembles her own self much more tonight, and I'm glad that everything's returning back to normal. While we're getting to our bay, we're enjoying the gourmet dinner and having a sane conversation we didn't have for a long time. Mari easily drops her clothes off and helps me with mine when we anchor. We're swimming, splashing and kissing a lot. Damn, I had no idea, how terribly I've missed it all. As we're done swimming I remember of the present I brought for her. I'm waiting cautiously if she likes it. This is a key to our new house where we'll be living alone. Alia got pregnant at least, and I want her and the baby to stay in the apartment. It's unorthodox, but can I do something for us with Mari, not for the others? I fulfilled father's requirement, almost destroyed the relationship with the girl I love because of it, so he has to give ground.

I'm hugging her gently while she's watching docs and picture of the house in the folder, then I say:

- This house is for us only. You, me and our children. Will you give me a daughter?

She reads between the lines pretty easily as usual:

- Is Alia pregnant? - She wonders casually.

I'm nodding not even thinking to hide my thrill.

- Don't think of me worse than I really am, Mari. I didn't enjoy being with her.

She just sniffs at it and changes the subject. So simple, really? And I dare to hope that everything's going to be like before. Given that it became a little cooler, sun is already set, and we're not hurrying to go to the berth. We're savoring this evening like a sip of life-giving water. Mari is the one to lead me to the bedroom in the end, she's pressing against me so tight that I'm ready for any heroic deeds. One-on-one, just her and I. She turns the unobtrusive music on, enchanting melody fills the cabin. We love each other tender and passionate at the same time as if we haven't met for eternity and not parted this very morning. When I'm close to the final, something subtly changes. It's a new track. The voice I can't stand sings that he wants to take my girl away. And coming right under me, shaking in her climax she whispers:

- Alex...

I'm turning into a stone not able to keep on moving even upon penalty of death. 'How could she?' – is the only refrain staying on my mind.

And the melody already turned into a mechanical voice help sound: The 'Global news' publisher brings its apologies for the articles discrediting the honor and dignity of Alexander Evans which were posted at the company site in June of the current year. Also our lawyer wants to admit that the articles don't belong to the company and were published as the result of the hacking attack.

- How do you like my present? - She asks innocently. So simple really. The only reason of her nice treatment is revenge. And I got so excited I didn't recognize the fake.

- For how long do you know? - I pry as if it matters.

- Who cares? - She snaps in anger. - Why did you do it to me, Kir? What did I do to you that you broke my life by playing?

And I have nothing to tell her except for the obvious:

- I love you.

- It's not love, Kir! When you love somebody, you wish this person to be happy...