Breathe the ocean in

18

MARI

May passes in a blink of an eye and mostly for nothing. Kir almost doesn't bother me keeping to himself, and what about me, I'm welcoming the quiescence. I'd never thought I might be craving being alone, I couldn't stand it at the physical level before. But you'd better be alone than with just anyone. One way or another, the spring is over, the day I used to love so much is coming. It's the first day of summer. My birthday. When Kir is off for his office, I'm taking a trip down my memory lane, and it makes my eyes suspiciously stingy. I'm not able to stop. I celebrated my birthday together with parents at the beach since the early childhood. No matter where we were a day before on the first of June we'd meet at the home city and spend the day on the Heaven's beach in the suburbs of Kio. When I became old enough to celebrate it with friends, I always set my party with them for the evening. The tradition of a birthday picnic was unbreakable for all the twenty five, now twenty six, years of my life. I imagine how mom, dad, Liz and Colin feel right now in the bright colors and can't hold my tears back.

That's exactly the time when Kir arrives to his office and connects me. Hearing the sobs I'm not able to hide he starts to pry for the reasons. Fortunately someone distracts him very soon, that gives me some time to wash up and pull myself together. It's an ordinary day, but my heart is heavy. But it used to bring me only the positive emotions in my past. When Kir switches off for the dinner, I know that I have at least one free hour, so I grab the car key and get out of the house. It's unbearable to stay there today. I'm driving almost on autopilot, it's a good thing this town is so tiny and sleepy, the roads are practically empty. As soon as I'm out of my usual route I get a call. I extremely don't want to talk to him, but based on the experience of my previous walk I consider that answering it is more favorable.

- Yeah, Kir, - I say without even taking a look at the screen, having no doubts who's on the line.

- Where are you going? - He asks shortly.

- To the div's beach, - it's well-known that honesty is the best policy.

- What happened?

- Nothing, I just want to, - I can hear his teeth gnashing and decide not to push it. - Everthing's gonna be alright. If someone's there, I'm leaving straight away.

- Mari, of course no one's gonna be there. It's one hundred and six degrees outside. Not a sane person would escape the air conditions till evening. It's dangerous, you may receive a thermal shock.

- I'm pleased you worry about me, Kir, really. But I need to get to the beach today, right now. It ain't gonna take long. Will you manage without me for the rest of the day?

He roars instead of an answer and skips the call. In fact he does it pretty well on his own there now that he got used to the area and the people around him. His colleagues are aware of his peculiarity and move out of his way themselves. No, I'm not worried for the boy.

I'm at the beach at least. Sun is heating mercilessly, but I'm overcoming the steep steps like a tough masochist. The silk of my dress is cooling it of a little, so I decide not to take it off turning my common sense on. Also I leave the niqab on – to get sunburned is not a great idea.

Now I'm at the seaside, but that's the wrong sea. The wrong beach. Everything's wrong. And I don't feel the relief I was hoping for, only the stifling heat. Kio's climate is hot either, but it's much more pleasant. There's never such a heat there, there's forever comfortable eighty two degrees. As I reach the water I'm asking the waves to bring my 'hi' to those I love in a low whisper, to tell them I'm missing. That's just a sentimental nonsense indeed. I spend less than fifteen minutes there and go back to the vehicle.