Breathe the ocean in

26

After the giving ceremony Jahiza comes to Kir, says something and hands him the tray with tamarinds and milk on it, he has to feed his bride. I know that symbolizes wealth in the family. He offers her the sugared treat very gently with such a focused appearance that I can't hold my smirk back. Then it's my cue, very short one luckily. The first meeting of beigaly and wife. I should bring her the keys – symbol of peace and harmony. Azra stands near me already, she gives me the small golden plate with the keys to our with Kir apartment on it. She watches me heavily as if saying 'don't even try to go crazy'. It's not her cold eyes what's not allowing me to make any escapade, it's my own pride. I reach the people I'll have to live under the same roof from now on and extend tiny plate to the girl. She's watching me attentively, guess she's trying to understand if there would be some dirty tricks from me. No tricks, girl. Here are the keys to his house and his heart. Hold it, I'm not competing for it anymore. She hesitates for a bit, then takes the keys and thanks me. I nod in silence. Without throwing a glance at Kir sitting so close to me I'm vanishing behind the guests' backs. There's dancing and some refreshments now according to the program. I think they'll manage without my presence pretty good. I know that Kir and his wife will come home with the driver on a big white limo, that is why I'm heading to my temporary room with a clear conscience, changing to my own clothes and hurrying to ride away from strange festival of live. Not that hard. It's not my life.

I can't stay locked between the four walls now, so I'm getting to the only place where I can have some alone time unpunished. The divs' beach is on my way to the capital anyways.

It's dark, and cold water looks unfriendly in the moonlight. The waves are loud rushing to tell me that it all will pass by. Only the stones and water are eternal, but I'm not a stone. The ice wall breaks and I'm breathing my ocean of pain in settling onto the wet frigid rocks. It takes quite a long time to somewhat come to my senses. All cold through I'm getting into the car turning the heater and music on. The music helps to survive any disasters. When I'm warm enough, I fall asleep right behind the steering wheel, and my dreams are anxious and disturbing.

I wake up when someone knocks on my window with force.

KIRAM

They hurry to part me with Mari so much, even give us the separate rooms. Parents are instructing me on the tomorrow events for a long time. Of course, I shouldn't screw it up. When they let me go, I get it that Mari is not in my bedroom. I catch the maid and demand to walk me to my beigaly, then stop at the door frame for a second determining her peaceful breath and come to my girl. I'm hugging her tight not able to loosen my grip even a little bit. I know, hear it in her breathing that she's not sleeping, but the message is clear, and I don't disturb her. I'm scared of tomorrow, and being scared together is a little less terrific.

I have to escape back to my room at the dawn and to start this horrible day. I'm driving to the bride's house together with my father and friends to take her. We're observing lots of rites which irritates me. Instead of thinking of what I'm doing I'm getting back to Mari in my thoughts all the time. How is she? Javad comes to my rescue when I mess it up multiple times following the rituals. When no one's around he wonders what's going on. What can I say except for 'nothing'? I guess everyone blames it on my anxiety. That's true. But I'm anxious about the other girl.

In the father's house I relax a little feeling her presence somewhere in the crowd of guests. It's hard to withstand this farce called my wedding, the endless ceremony of giving presents and the welcome speeches. When Mari gives the keys to Alia, all I can think about is grabbing my girl and taking her somewhere far away from here. I can hear in every gesture that she abandons me. What symbolizes peace in the family for us means something completely different to her.

The music is playing already, our guests are dancing and eating, only me and Alia stay there like the monuments to ourselves. They bring the treat for us too, but I can't eat. The alert sounds in my pocket. When I listen to the message, I'm almost losing it: the object moves west at 95 miles per hour. I'm calling her ignoring the guests, but she doesn't answer. I'm absolutely mad when I receive the new report: the object stopped, location – divs' beach. The black wave of terror sweeps over me: she ain't gonna do anything to herself, right? I make one more call, this time I'm dialing Javad. He approaches me with the first tones.

- Drive me to the divs' beach. Now, - I tell to my friend.

- Kiram, you can't leave now, - he says to my ear. - You know that it would be an insult to your bride and her family.

- Mari's on the beach, - I say realizing how screwed I am.

- I'll go get her, no worries, - says the friend I can always rely on. I trusted him to take care of her once and I have to do it again.

- Take Dina with you, - I ask. – If anything happens to her... - I can't finish this sentence.

- I'll dial you as soon as I find her, - Javad assures me, then he leaves.

Alia is still silent, embarrassed or scared, doesn't matter. All of my thoughts are at the dark cold beach now. 'Just don't do anything stupid,' – I'm begging her in my mind. It feels like eternity before the brother calls. He found my girl and she's all right. Javad promises to bring Mari home and walk her to the doors, it slightly comforts me. But it's too early to relax, one of the most nightmarish in my life nights is only about to begin. My father takes me aside before I can depart with that wife of mine and says in a small voice as a confirmation of that statement:

- I know that Mari is all you think about, son, but you have to consummate a marriage. Don't you dare to dishonor your family name by disgraceful rumors.

I have no choice but to agree grinding my teeth. She has to understand, hasn't she?