"Ghost, that phone call... I told my ma that I was with an abusive ex, because she'd have had a cow if I told 'er I have a boyfriend," Soap explained.
"You can't lie to me twice," Ghost muttered.
"Simon-"
"No! You broke my heart, Soap! I thought you loved me!" The Brit shouted as he started pacing around the shed.
"I do love you, Simon," Soap exclaimed as he grabbed Ghost's wrists to stop him. "Dammit, listen to me." The Brit glared daggers at him. "I told my mum that I'm still with my abusive ex, because she's homophobic. If she knew that we're a thing, then she'd go totally radge."
"For fuck's sake, speak English."
"My mum would be pissed, alright!" John snapped. "I'm pure done in, Simon! Ye winna listen to me! Why th' fuck am I even explainin' this tae ya, anyways? It's like talkin' to a bloody brick wall!" He threw his hands in the air and turned to walk away. Simon just stood there with widened eyes. It wasn't a glare anymore.
"Johnny, wait," he said as he took a step forward.
"Why? So ye can make fun of th' way I talk more? Awy an' bile yer heid."
"Now, hold on." Ghost reached out and grabbed the other man's wrist.
"Ghost, I swear on my mum, I'll gie ye a skelpit lug!" The Scot exclaimed. His accent was thicker and harder to understand because he was angry. He glared at the Lieutenant, but he paused. His mask was off (when did that happen?).
"Johnny, I... I don't mean to be like this..." Simon quietly whispered as he avoided eye contact.
"Noo jist haud on," Soap softly said as he placed his hand on his superior's cheek. "Ye had every right tae be upset with me. I'm jist bein' a big ol' bampot."
"No, Johnny, no. Don't take all the--" Before Simon could finish his statement, he felt lips on his.
"I'm no' letting ye finish that sentence, ya numpty," Soap mumbled with his lips pressed against his Lieutenant's.
"You have a weird way of shuttin' me up, Sergeant."
"Mmm..."
"Can I ask a question?" Simon asked as he backed away. Johnny had to stifle a whine from the split, but he nodded. "Why... Why love me? I mean, I'm broken. I don't understand simple things. I have countless problems. And, well... yeah."
"Easy. For all those reasons... And you're fuckin' gorgeous. And you're dick is huge."
"It's a t-dick, and no it isn't."
"Is."
"Isn't."
"Wanna bet?"
"No."
"Ha, because I'll win that bet." Simon rolled his eyes at that.
"Psh, if anyone has a big dick, it's..." He paused. "... not me..." Johnny smirked smugly.
"Who's dick is big, then, Simon?" He asked.
"Your mum's."
"Aye."
"That's nasty."
"Ye started it."
"Just kiss me again already. Fuck..."
