You debute with stray kids. All is well with the flirty boys, but little do you know things are about to take a turn for the worst as you discover the reality of broken people.
"What I am about to tell you right now is not something you will want t...
Chan sits next to you, comforting hand on your thigh, in the conference room. Out of nervousness you start to shake your knee bouncing it. He looks over to you and slightly whispers
"Everything is going to be okay if anything you've already been through the worst of it." You start to nod slowly taking a deep breath, looking out of the windows opposite us. At that moment our group manager walks in through the door and sees us at the back. We both stand up and bow. He jogs over to us and sits down in the vacant seat beside me.
"Listen I am so sorry I wasn't here yesterday, as soon as I heard the news I booked the fastest flight from Jeju. Have you eaten yet?" He places a caring hand on my shoulder.
"Yea, me and Chan stopped by to get heottok. And please dobt blame yourself for nor being able to be here, you needed time off with your wife." He chuckles slightly.
"All you really are my children." He smiles brightly. Chan slids him a folder and he picks it up.
"That's everything they made her sign. I'm just saying for something that happend like 2 days ago they really somehow managed to wipe her out of everything possible." He flipping through the endless pieces of paper.
"I can see what you mean, how did they already take you out of the comeback so easily, it's in 3 weeks." You sigh thinking about JYPs intentions with this.
"I'm not even allowed to be the ambassador for Celine anymore. They are gonna give it to someone else." He finds the contract and stares at it.
"But you didn't sign it to make it official yet did you?" You shake your head.
"No they were going to let me sign it a week before I would go to Paris for their show. I believe its going to an Nmixx member."
"This is outrageous, they didnt even tell her when it would be over." Chan scoffs and grips your leg tighter.
"I think the best thing you can do Y/N is just comply, I don't want something worse to happen to you." You nod you head in agreement as he gives the contracts back to you. You can't help but keep zoning out, with all the stress nothing could be worse. The manager stands up putting a hand on your shoulder.
"I'm going to go speak with JYPnim now, make sure to eat." Both if you bow your heads to him as he leaves the room. Chan slides his chair slightly colder to yours so the armrests are touching.
"You feeling better from yesterday?"
"Slightly, I still have a headache." He opens his arms up and coos, you immediately accept his hug melting into his touch as he places a hand over you back and head gently rubbing circles.
"Everything will work out eventually, just you wait."
You arrive home, a few hours earlier than the boys, and go straight to your room dropping your duffle bag. You grab a key from the top draw of the bedside table and go over to the wardrobe digging though the mountain of clothes stacked up. Eventually you find the safe. You had always kept precious things in there like Stays letters, money, keys from your first ever car, a few expensive gold jewellery and two packets of cigarettes. You used to smoke, but quit after becoming a trainee but still kept a few boxes just in case you'd need to "celebrate" mishaps in life. You grab a box and a lighter from the kitchen and head out the apartment. The flat was relatively close to Yongmasan mountain overlooking Han River and Seoul so obviously that's where you went.
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The climb wasn't to hard but the view was rewarding either way. You lean over the wooden rail gazing out over Seoul. The city lights flash and flicker in the distance from cars and tall buildings. You adjust the cap on your head to slightly cover your eyes before taking the pack out and placing a cig imbetween your teeth and lighting it. All of a sudden, as the smoke escapes from your lips and rolls down your chin and is taken away by the breeze, your cup half empty state of mind turns into nothingness, as your thoughts blow away with each puff.
The stars and the cityscape reflect off the water distorting the image slightly with its strong current. But all is calm juxtaposing your life. Perhaps everything will work out eventually. As you look over the distant night horizon the cigarette burns out so you light another. You rest your elbows on the ledge letting your head lean forward over the edge on the cliff, closing your eyes. Feeling the gust flows through your strands of hair. You inhale the gasper not even tasting the tobacco anymore letting the euphoria of something that was so forbidden consume you like an incurable disease and for a few seconds you dwell on your past emotions wondering why you even cared. Your just an insignificant spec of dust in the universe.
"Fuck this" You drop the cigarette on the wooden boards stepping on it. You reach into your pocket to call chan but realise you left it at home from the anticipation of having a smoke outside for the first time in 5 years. You sigh audibly and shake your head at your own incompetence.
You get down the hill a tad out of breath but turn the corner to the main street and walk into a GS25 and grab kimbap, champagne, gum and an ashtray. The cashier gives you a strange look, but places everything in a plastic bag before you pay and walk out. Strolling through the streets, it isn't long till you make it home and sure enough the boys aren't there yet. You carry the bag to the balcony which hadn't been used apart from drying clothes. You slump down on the plastic garden chair after closing the sliding glass door. Lighting another cigarette, you take out the ashtray and champagne struggling to open it but the cork eventually gives in. You drag the small table infront of you and rest your legs on it swinging in the chair. The view wasn't as good as the cliff but colourful rooftops of all the houses and telephone wires strangling each pole struggling to hold them up with the stars above you was scenic enough. The smoke rolls of your lips as you take a swig of the alcohol, tapping the cigarette on the edge of the tray, relighting another until the box was empty and the champagne was gone. You close your eyes.
"Shit, Chan is gonna flip when he sees me." You think but nothing matters that much anymore. The company wants you to go back to Jeju tomorrow so you can stay with your parents and 'avoid being a distraction for the boys'. You contemplate whether you should pack up now and sleep at the train station to avoid have to bid farewell to them but you can help but drift off to a deep slumber....
"I found her, she's in the balcony." The door slides open
"Fucking hell it smells of cigarettes out here."
"Sshhh, she's sleeping." Someone lifts you into their arms bridal style but your too tired to care who it even is. But you hear Chan in the distance and someone carries you away.
"She's gonna get one hell of a lecture when she wakes up. That's a whole pack, I thought she stopped." The person places you on your bed and covers you with a blanket.
"I understand what your going through but at the same time I dobt think I do." The boy whispers and you immediately know it's Hyunjin. He pecks your nose and leaves the room. You can't even face the door incase someone else comes in so you turn around and can't help the stray tear that falls down you cheek. You can't even say goodbye to your bestfriends, you know it will hurt you too much and you just wouldn't be able to leave afterwards.
