You Don't Know What I'd Do For You (Love you like oxygen)

thirty-four

*A/N* Your saviour is here! Ik, ik, it took forever, but I made it extra long, so I hope it's worth it! So, there were a number of people who were really in favour of an ElijahxBeast pairing, so I wanted to try and pull it off. Things always have to get worse before they get better, so this chapter goes into more detail about Elijah's experience held captive by Mikael. It does have lots of trigger warnings: ED, mentioned/implied torture, a little more gore than is canon-typical, implied SA, brief description after SA, and PTSD. Let me know if you think there should be any more, and please leave me a comment if you spot any grammar or spelling errors or if you want me to clarify anything! I will be putting warnings before and after the SA scene (the other triggers are very minor but more or less present throughout) so that you can skip it if you would like. Also, I'm using he/it pronouns for the Beast (depending on which one suits the writing better I will switch between them) just because I feel like it adds to the inhuman aspect a bit and this show needs at least one gender non-conforming character.

Elijah POV

My heart beat loud in my ears and my lungs couldn't draw in enough air as I made my way up a flight of stairs, turning down the hallway that led to my bedroom. I clutched the blood bag tightly, my knuckles standing out white as my hands began to progressively tremble more and more. I swung the door open and let it close behind me, wincing at the quiet 'click' that it made.

It was irrational, I knew, but I couldn't help panicking at the thought of them seeing me like this. The bloodlust and hunger had grown in the days since I had first fed. It was my body's attempt to replenish what it had lost, perfectly natural, but I couldn't stand it. It drove me insane, grating away at my nerves and wearing me down hour after hour until I couldn't keep my control anymore. I always ended up caving and giving in, feeding alone in a dark room, trying to be silent so no one would find out. Of course they knew that I fed, but knowing and seeing were different things, seeing painted a different picture of what actually went on behind closed doors. I was terrified that they would see.

I could still hear them all downstairs in the sitting room, laughing and bantering as they sat side by side, old and new grudges being laid to rest, if only for a moment. It was all I had ever wanted, the only constant throughout my long life was this dream that I had kept alive for centuries on end. But, instead of enjoying it with them, I was hiding myself away, unable to bear the bloodlust a moment longer, tearing myself away from them yet again in an effort to keep the hunger at bay.

~~~~~

The second I opened the bag and the strong scent of iron hit my senses, I could immediately feel his presence, cold and cruel as it crowded into my mind and threatened to overtake me. It felt like I was drowning, desperately trying to keep my head above the waves as I was plunged down into the frigid darkness again and again. I battled my way back to the surface each time, but the water gradually congealed into tar, trapping me and pulling me down into its inky depths. Despite my struggling, it eventually swallowed me whole, and I felt my consciousness retreat away into the darkness.

In Elijah's Mind

The next time I opened my eyes, I was in the white, polished halls that made up my mind's labyrinth. The bloodied hallway was stretched out in front of me, crimson liquid trickling out from under the red door in slow rivers as everything locked away began to leak through my crumbling barriers. Being in here again always felt odd, like walking through a dream, so close to reality but with a thin veil in between, like I was only breathing out of habit, and like I couldn't quite feel anything that I touched. There was also this crushing sensation, a strong sense of impending doom, like the air was compressed as it entered my body and my chest was seconds away from imploding.

I was hesitant as I knocked upon the rickety, wooden door frame, the sound seeming to echo loudly against the polished walls. I held my breath as the door was swung open and the air buzzed with tension as we both stared each other down for a moment. Even after all these years, I still found it terrifying to meet him face to face, but once I got pulled in here, he was my only way out.