Caesura I

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Summary:

Chaos lies in darkness as her world turns bleak and grey with every passing moment, caged with guilt that never lets her go, and shackled by emotions that anchor her to her lowest. She endures every waking hour of her immortality as she prays that someday, the light that gave her existence meaning may return to her once more. 

How long can one possibly cling to the concept of Hope before despair swallows them whole?

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C1: The End of Ends

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IRyS, when are you coming back?

Sigh... it's a daily routine at this point.

It's just that things aren't the same without you, it's cliché I get it but, is there a better way to describe it? There's no joy in disorder if there's nothing to counter it, nothing to balance the scale. My existence as Chaos feels like it has no purpose anymore like a joke without a punchline, or a cause without an effect. It didn't used to be like this, I've lived for billions of years without you but; ever since I've met you, IRyS, my life never felt so complete.

It's just a little reflection I have. It reminds me of the human saying, "you don't know what you have until it's gone" or something like that, I dunno. It's just something Mumei told me that just stuck with me.

I must look pathetic right now aren't I? The Avatar of Chaos, the end of ends, being all desperate for your company, pfft. My friends expected me to continue to be this happy-go-lucky gal that powers through even the toughest time; the humans revered me as the goddess of luck, karma, and even fate; the Gods expected me to become a leader that'll guide others towards a path of peace.

I know, I know; I made a promise that I would move on and continue my life and duties without you, and yes I do still remember that I'll stay strong even in your absence. But I just can't bear it any more, every damn day I'm reminded of your stupid glee and your contagious ass laughs. I just want to see you again, I'd trade my immortality even just to hear you sing again.

O Gods above, if you still hear me even, just give me a day! An hour! Hell, even just a few minutes! All I want is to see her again, is that too much?

...

...

...

Oh who the hell am I kidding? It's not like They can even hear me or anything, They've practically abandoned us ever since we beat the Manipulator. Since then, we've received not a single word from Them nor even a mere premonition that could've signaled Their presence. We were left all alone, cut off from Paradise and left to face a world in ruins, shattered by Manipulator's relentless malice.

They didn't even give us anything; no tips, no aid, nothing at all. Fresh from the battle, all that greeted us was a shooting star... You.

Sometimes I wish you just didn't exist in the first place. Heh, reminds me of the old arguments we'd always had back then, shouting at the top of our lungs claiming that one of us was a burden to the other, back and forth almost everytime we encountered one another. Hope and Chaos don't really mix well like water and oil, but somehow you and I defied the odds.

I hear raindrops suddenly pitter-patter outside before quickly turning into a harsh downpour. A small waterfall formed from the top of the cave's entrance, its droplets splashes on me. In return I move back a few paces.

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