Coded ambition

Fragment 4: Similarities, Part 5

It was a warm Sunday morning, much warmer than usual for a fall day. Mark was back home and healthy, and the issue with L-35 had been settled days ago. It was useless to hate him when he just had a malfunction, especially after he had been upgraded by Lysander.

Natalie was aware of all that. But despite the sleeping pills she had been taking in the past days since Lysander offered her another future, she awoke regularly after nightmares, all sweaty and anxious. Her appetite had decreased a lot and she often felt nauseous during the whole day.

After a while, she understood that she truly harbored more feelings for Lysander than for her own husband. Her relationship with Dean was a convenience to escape other social expectations. But that was all the more frightening. She remembered when she had opened up to Dean about feeling lonely and had asked him if he still loved her. Though he had said yes, now that she had a different perspective on these things, it had not felt genuine on his part. They only really got close because of Mark, like when he was taken to the hospital. How did Dean really feel about her when it was not about Mark? The decision did not get any easier for her.

Nat also did not know whether she should continue to take her medication as she had not noticed any improvements after a month. It felt useless to continue. Again. If wondrous medications from a modern society could not help her, what else even could?

This morning, she had the feeling that her heart could stop any second. She was incredibly fatigued and overwhelmed by all that had happened in the past few weeks. To make matters worse, her sister had invited her to breakfast downtown to talk about her "relationship problems" with Lysander. No further information had been given, just that it would be a meeting between two women, two sisters only. Confidential.

During Bea's phone call, Natalie had had a hard time being casual about Beatrice's suggestion. Nat had felt as if somebody was strangling her when she accepted her sister's invitation but it would be even more suspicious if she did not.

L-35 had expressed worry earlier about Nat's meeting. He had remarked that she was looking very pale and weary and should rather rest at home.

Even though the robot was right, Natalie still felt the strange urge to go. It would be a rare possibility to talk more freely without their husbands and Mark in the background. And she was very eager to hear Bea's side of the whole story about her and Lysander's interpersonal problems. Though Nat's feelings were strongly ambivalent, she also wanted to go with the flow of events.

When L-35 let Natalie out of the car in front of the café where she would meet her sister, her knees were shaking and she could barely swallow normally.

As she eventually entered the fancy café and found Beatrice already sitting at a table, Nat felt her blood pressure rise and fall in a fluctuating way, making her feel even more sick.

Bea stood up and waved so Nat would know where she was.

When they hugged for a greeting, Bea smiled happily. "I'm so glad you took the time for me." Despite her lovely smile and well-meant words, she embraced her very tightly - too tightly - making Natalie feel as if Beatrice was giving her a clear warning.

Don't be paranoid, Nat reminded herself internally. Nobody knows yet. Say something nice.

"I'm also glad to see you. It's nice to have some girl's time now and then. But I wished it would be because of a different reason."

"Order first, man business second", Beatrice said and gave her the menu. "You're not eating well, are you? Try something nice, it's my treat."

Natalie found herself disturbed by her sister playing with her breakfast knife while she waited for Nat to make a selection. Nat could barely read what the café had to offer. Why did everything seem so much like a damn warning? Her pulse went up but she tried real hard to concentrate on the text in front of her. After some minutes, she had finally figured out the simplest breakfast menu item and was able to order right away. The service lady was very attentionate and had read their intent right away.